While i dont doubt it, i had an observation about this fact a long time ago.
I was on a blind date years ago, and was a pack a day smoker. We eat dinner, have dessert and coffee, and stepping outside, i light up a smoke.
"You know those things are bad for you, right?"
"I know, its a terrible habit"
" do you ever wish you had never picked up the first one? It will kill you eventually..."
I took a drag. Held it, and exhaled.
"No. No i dont think i regret it at all"
She tilted her head like a puppy does when you whistle a high pitch with no prompt. It was confusion. She didnt understand. I stomped out my cigarette. We started walking.
"If i think about it, the chance encounters ive had on a balcony, or outside a random doorway with a stranger. conversation with no precontext or preconceptions. Just two people enjoying a thing that will eventually kill them. Theres something beautiful about that"
She still didnt get it.
"Those moments, and the friendships that resulted. They have already saved my life. Times over probably. So a few hours, or days at the end, in comparison to the things that i built off of those little moments, in the moment, where its just people and their habit...
I dont think i would change it"
The date went nowhere. There wasnt really a spark to begin with. It wasnt a big deal. Never saw her again.
But the friend that set her up with me, the one who i met by chance smoking in a backyard at a party. Shes still my friend. We talk once a week, if not more.
Her and her wife are expecting their first child this spring. I was at her dads funeral this fall. Lung cancer. He will never meet his grandson.
Neither of us smoke now. But, despite it all. I do not regret starting with that first smoke. Without that friendship, i would never have made it this far.
But in acknowledging that fact, there is a cost.
Theres always a a cost. But i value the time i traded, and i personally, have no regrets.
