Lucien

He's stuck. Can't go to school today.

Like the other commented said, this isn't random, but also I'd add that your first ternary option, the ?, should be on the next line; it would make the alignment make more sense to you then, and it would make the block more legible.

Chapo Trap House?

Caveat: the gorilla is the size of a city block

THANK YOU, god

Yeah it feels like a misnomer to call it a second iron age; it's definitely misleading

zlatinb sounds like a swell person

hex bear dot not

That certainly was the case for a couple months there

Absolutely nothin'!

ACAB includes Postmaster Generals

Certified badpost