This feels tantalizingly close to the truth.

lol

What the fuck are "unregretted user minutes"? I regret every minute any user spends on that site, so it should be zero.

The future is dangerous. Keep going this way so you don't have to see it.

Strange that they think this isn't a negative PR hit, then.

"This will help me become president FOR SURE!" he said, then spun the little spinny propeller on his beanie cap.

And twitter. And mastodon. And lemmy ffs, we're not immune. (I'm doing it right now, in fact.)

Eat shit, 6-year-old

You're going to get to! That's what they will actually be doing if the class action lawsuits don't crash them.

Art doesn't need to know this answer that badly. This fucking guy has taken

• dilaudid
• morphine
• opium
• nitrous
• pcp
• meth
• lighter fluid, by huffing
• cough syrup at a dose of "two bottles"

I don't even know what a few of these things are, and I'm not going to look up and see how crazy the doses on everything else are, but based on the ones I do know I can only conclude that this guy is trying to kill himself.

And he's succeeding, from the sound of it.

He's already being prosecuted. Pull out the gun or shut the fuck up, pissbaby

"unimpeachable character" idk the slaves he was fighting to keep probably had a different take on his character