I want to preface this by saying I’m not s*icidal. I’m not. I’m just tired of feeling this way.
I’m unhappy. I’m angry. I’m empty. I’m emotionally stunted. I don’t want to feel this way any more. I’m tired of waking up in pain. I’m tired of feeling like a stranger everywhere I go. I have no friends. I work 7 tens a week. I HAVENT HAD A DAY OFF WORK IN OVER A MONTH STRAIGHT! Im pushing almost 300 hours the last four weeks alone. I don’t enjoy work anymore. It’s six AM and I’ve been up since three, aside from the first twenty minutes I haven’t quit crying. I never see my kids anymore and when I do I’m so wiped out from work that I can’t do anything but sit down.
I don’t like the man I see when I look in the mirror anymore. I’m so desperate for some inner peace. I don’t know where to turn. Counseling doesn’t help because I don’t know why. I’m on number four in about 18 months. I so desperately long for a human connection with someone. Any one.
This place isnt the cause. But I feel like the time I spend here could be better spent trying to fix whatever is wrong with me. I don’t think I’ll be back. I won’t be missed. I’m not a likable person and I don’t think I have been for some time.
Anyway, take care yall. I’m so sorry for being an asshole. Please accept my apology and understand that I don’t want to be this person any more. I so badly want to fix whatever is broken in me.
EDIT - I called in to work. I’m taking today off. I’m going to go have a conversation with my sister about some of the stuff rattling around in my head. Tomorrow, I’m going to try and find another counselor, I think.
I’m reconsidering deleting my account, but I’m still going MIA a while. Thank you guys for the kind words. I’ll be back eventually, hopefully less stressed.
Bye for now.
I find as I get older that I spend so much time groping for a reason to explain why I am feeling the way I feel when 95% of the time I am just tired, hungry, sick, or some combination of the 3. You're going to be okay, and you can probably feel better by managing your time more, going to therapy, going vegan
, etc, but the biggest thing is that you need to figure out a way to work less. Have at least one full day off a week and see how that makes you feel. It may be hard but shit, you only have one life to live, and you can't spend it grinding yourself into dust. Good luck 