this post was submitted on 22 May 2025
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founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Hello users of hexbear:

Due to recent meta posts in our mutual aid community we wanted to open up discussion about the community !mutual_aid@hexbear.net

We will never require explanation or justification from a user asking for aid in the community, and the mod and admin team continue to commit to not featuring an individual's mutual aid request to prevent unfair exposure.

In addition, we will maintain a strict "No critical comments or meta comments" on a mutual aid post.

This post is to discuss the mutual aid community's rule of allowing meta posts: mutual aid as a community, those making posts in it and those commenting on posts.

We are considering removing the exception allowing meta posts but wanted to involve the userbase before committing to a change.

Please comment with any thoughts, feelings, or suggestions regarding this change.

Thank you

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[–] Adkml@hexbear.net 37 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

As I said last time this all came up I have no problem with people spending donated money on whatever they want as long as they didn't lie to get it.

I don't care if people spend it on drugs or anything else, as long as they didn't say it was for something else.

Saying you need money for basic survival items, getting the money and then turning around and spending it on drugs is shitty, especially when it's surrounded by posts of other people also saying rhe need survival necessities.

I don't think I'm the only one who, given the option to donate limited resources to people starving in Gaza or facing eviction or having that same money go to somebody buying gard drugs, I'd rather it be used on the thing that is going to actually improve the situation.

Especially if you're then going to go on to say that other people are making outside observers less likely to donate.

That's before you get into the history of bragging about scamming people and calling people slurs when you get called on it.

[–] ghosts@hexbear.net 44 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Saying you need money for basic survival items, getting the money and then turning around and spending it on drugs is shitty, especially when it's surrounded by posts of other people also saying rhe need survival necessities.

You know what, I will chime in here too. I was facing homelessness and begged for cash on mutualaid and I watched as someone asked for money for a vehicle and received $4,000. Then they bought drugs with it.

$4,000 is 8 months rent for me. I went homeless.

I won't otherwise make value judgements on anyone involved, but I don't think you're shitty for calling it out.

[–] Adkml@hexbear.net 17 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Yea i normally wouldn't have said anything if that exact person wasn't the one complaining about other people dping that now.

[–] egg1918@hexbear.net 19 points 2 days ago (3 children)

. I was facing homelessness and begged for cash on mutualaid and I watched as someone asked for money for a vehicle and received $4,000. Then they bought drugs with it.

what the fuck. $4,000? WHAT THE FUCK THAT COULDVE DONE SO MUCH GOOD.

Please tell me that at least that user was banned

[–] Babs@hexbear.net 23 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Babs@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Just answering the question. I don't think they should be penalized for having needs.

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Okay, sorry for telling you to fuck off, I thought you were with the others trying to keep these old things going, that really need to be let go and to stop being reactionary.

[–] gay_king_prince_charles@hexbear.net 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Still a regular in mutual aid

[–] egg1918@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] OldSoulHippie@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What's more is we aren't even allowed to talk about it but that user can be defensive out of nowhere and call names.

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Plenty of people talking about this here, how about take your shit snide comments elsewhere?

[–] OldSoulHippie@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Up your asshole because none of this shit is your business to begin with.

[–] OldSoulHippie@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Oooohhhhhhh ok. I'm gonna block you now

[–] Kolibri@hexbear.net 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm so hurt! How about you go reflect on your own shit

[–] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I did not blow it all on drugs. Hell, I spent at least a quarter of that, in other words a whole entire rack, on other people in need. In other words, giving it away to my homeless friends. I sent one friend alone $400. I sent $200 to another.

I’m not saying I didn’t buy drugs with it. But it was not even a quarter of that $4K.

You know what I did blow it on? DoorDash. I spent maybe $1,000 on DoorDash.

I’m ashamed of how I squandered that money either way and I’ve learned from my mistakes but I know nobody fucking cares so why the fuck should I bother.

[–] ghosts@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Well, I'm sorry if I misrepresented the situation. It just really sucked to watch play out. I'm glad to hear you learned something from it and I hope you're getting by okay.

[–] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I was totally expecting you to double down and insist that I’m lying, etc., because that’s what I’ve come to expect in arguments like this one. Thank you.

[–] T34_69@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That is disturbing to read, I'm sorry you went through that and I hope you're at least okay now.

I feel like there could be more emphasis on a hierarchy of needs in this comm but idk how to implement that without opening the cans of worms that come from basically means testing. That would go against the purpose of the comm. But maybe at least some feedback system that allows people who want to donate to understand whose requests are being ignored or whose requests still need to be fulfilled.

[–] simontherockjohnson@lemmy.ml 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I think from the perspective of competing needs the more likely issue is that some people get more because they are more popular / appealing than others which is another form of market logic of its own. I think that's a fair criticism, but it's still a criticism of those who choose the allocation of resources rather than a criticism of those who need them.

My point is that being the arbiter of competing needs on a person to person basis is morally fraught (and typically on some level dishonest) which is why real mutual aid is a communal and social function rather than a peer-to-peer market function. Also that enforcing a system of account on those who are in need is just opening up a can of worms for petty sectarian moralizing that is going to wind up with harming more people than preventing scenarios like this.

There's also just a lot of unverified, unknowable information to make a call here, and digging thru the post and user histories that started this thread it's incredibly difficult to tell what the truth of the obvious off board drama between the involved users is.

FWIW you shouldn't have gone homeless, that's a failing of society on multiple levels that should be eradicated.

[–] simontherockjohnson@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I don’t think I’m the only one who, given the option to donate limited resources to people starving in Gaza or facing eviction or having that same money go to somebody buying gard drugs, I’d rather it be used on the thing that is going to actually improve the situation.

Sure, but you also have to be honest with yourself that this is about your ego and wanting to maximize the good that YOU do according to YOUR beliefs. I also doubt that this same calculus applies if the person who might be spending money on drugs is more closely related to you rather than some person on the internet.

This isn't some self evident logical principle, this is a reaction to your own feelings and ideas. Mutual aid is not about purchasing the most "alleviation" or "goodness". You're exhibiting the same form of thinking that calls things like breakfast programs frivolous luxury. The comm is called mutual aid because mutual aid is unconditional. You're attempting to make personal a normative value judgement objective rather than what it is, subjective.

Someone is saying, I have a problem and I need help. You are saying, there's plenty of people with problems in the market so I'm only going to help if I like the way you solve your problem. That's not charity or mutual aid, that's an investment.

[–] Adkml@hexbear.net 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)

No that's total fucking cope lol.

Me saying that I would rather my limited money for charity go to feeding somebody in need rather than someone using it for recreational drugs is not a sign that I have an ego problem.

[–] simontherockjohnson@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I'm not saying you have an ego problem. I'm saying charity/mutual aid is a selfless act and being judgemental is not selfless.

You're nowhere near an ego problem. An ego problem is more like you wouldn't donate to charity until you had a 9 figure net worth based on you inventing inventing something like a toothpaste lid and you'd start a small charitable foundation which is just make work job / capitalist training camp for every one of your kids.

[–] Adkml@hexbear.net 21 points 2 days ago

I am genuinely not being judgemental I'm just trying to make sure the limited resources do the maximum amount of good.