I started therapy last week. Gonna work on getting my ASD diagnosis. Lost my job a few weeks ago(it was well paying and what I went to school for.) I guess I'm not cut out to be a software developer either. I'm taking that pretty hard since I guess I shouldn't have wasted my time with school if I was gonna end up at the same spot...

Severe depression is in overdrive now. I'm numb. I don't want to be here anymore. But I have a wife and 2 kids that love me and I love them and I'm tethered to this god-forsaken place for them. If I didn't have them, I'd probably kill myself. I'm 40 years old and can't keep a job for more than 2 years. I'm fucking useless. I've been unemployed more than I have been employed since I first started working. I get a job and try my best and after a while I just get fired. It's how it is.

Back to the super depressing bullshit that is filling out job applications. A-fucking-gain... I'm not qualified for anything. and what I am qualified for pays bullshit wages.

Had an anxiety attack that lasted a week. It wasn't bad so much as just there the entire time. I cried 5 times last week over various stupid shit.

I signed up and got accepted into the Marxist Unity Group pre-screening stuff but didn't know I was supposed to read 100 pages of their text a week I would be more on board for that if they had it in a format that worked on my ereader but it's only in pdf. I've tried several times to convrert it but the text parses all fucky and you end up with page headers and citations stuff in the middle of paragraphs. I donno if I wanna bother trying more. But the group aligns with a lot of what I wanna see with the left coming together as a unified party.

Still trying to work on learning Kotlin for no fucking reason since entry level Kotlin developers require 5+ years of experience so like do I just make stupid fucking apps for 5 years without being able to afford to feed my family and then hope I can get a job? There is a small thing I wanted to write for the Jerboa app, but idk if they would accept it as a merge. I think I know enough that I can add left-handed mode for comments and it's a feature request. I also wanna make a feature that pushes images in feed view to the left because I liked that about Sync for Reddit.

If anyone knows someone hiring remote for shitty software developer or self-taught Linux nerd, I'm looking for a job. No worries if they fire me in 2 years, as a prereq. since I'm used to it.

Maybe I should take writing back up. I was working on a meta-horror book series that I just sort of stopped after chapter 2... is anyone interested in a horror story that makes fun of horror tropes?