Baaaad.

Good news: BF recovered from COVID about two weeks ago. Yay!

Bad News: He took up the bottle again for reasons too complex to talk about here. Then he tried to start a fight over something that is a legit grievance(I failed to be attentive to his needs, check in more) but when I tried to deescalate he continued to try and fight, and threatened to follow me if I tried to get away. (

After giving him 24 hours to cool off- he did it again over text.

So, I told him to get his stuff, now he's my ex boyfriend.

I was shocked with his behavior. He's a grief counselor ffs. But he is also a recovering alcoholic and I just met who he is after a weekend bender.

Sucks.

Talked to my therapist, thinking about starting HRT. I just don't wanna do it while I'm living with my mom (she's not exactly anti-trans, just weird and uncomfortable about it) but we're still living together and will be until I can get a job and find a place of my own :(

I'm having a bad time!

I'm single for the first time in my adult life after 8 years with the same person, so I'm using this time to try and vetter myself and get control over my vices now that I've got the freedom to introspect at my pace.

I've mostly quit smoking weed, and significantly cut back on cigarettes, and I've increased my drinking now that I've realized that I don't actually have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and was just afraid of it because of my parents being alcoholics.

I'm in a new city with no friends, no family, and no support system, so it's been really rough, but I'm determined to come out of this shit clean on the other side.

Thank you for asking, I've been looking for a place to vent a little

First time listener, first time caller. Homeschool for our two kids starts next week, and we are studying Dad's Extremely Anti-Colonialist Early Modern History: Part One™ this year. Can't wait

Hungry, trans, and really tired

I need to voice train

the usual depression about the fall of the soviet union, I miss it every day

get maybe some clothes too, but I've never cared too much about those, I'll try when I actually have some goddamn estrogen

realizing I came out to two of my friends yesterday, they were very supportive, just hasn't registered yet. They are the only people I know IRL that know this information.

Also the fact that they knew for months and were just waiting for me to open up about it was hilarious, apparently I give off "trans vibes" (idk what that means either) and how my family just has not picked up on it at all.

life is a fuck but things seem to be looking up in the short run.

Im doing really well, in my social and political theory class i discoverd my professor is a marxist because he told me to read max weber, and all my other classes to me are all very interesting

Depressed, unsure about a lot in life. Anyone else have brain fog? I feel like everything recently has to be an eli5. Feel isolated and without friends.

I'm exhausted comrades

I work a job currently that is 60 hours a week... 5 days with 12 hours. No breaks, though the work isn't that hard. And although it's hourly I get no overtime. No paid leave, no sick leave.

I don't know how much longer I can stand it but there's not really any other jobs that I can pay the bills with around, at least until my SO graduates college and can start helping pay the bills.

I had a fever of 102° yesterday but still had to go in because I don't feel like I have much choice.

Also I feel so disconnected from society. I know literally nobody here. I moved close to my SO's school so we could live together. A year and a half later I have no friends, no connections. No social life. Working 60 hours doesn't help either. But it's not a large town and there doesn't seem to be a lot of people around my age or other opportunities to form connections.

Lawdy, already a fair share of negative times here, so I feel bad adding.

I'm really filled with despair this week. Despite a sizeable salary, other family conditions mean I have some very big financial problems, interest rates, housing costs, and food prices are spiking, and I think my problems are only going to get worse, and ruin my relationships with my family and my partner. I don't want to keep working a shitty job I hate just for life to remain shitty / get shittier for me and for everyone I love.

I don't see a way out right now, I can't see any glimmer of hope, so continuing to live just feels quite pointless and filled with pain. I'm doing my best to chill out, hang on, and hope the despair goes away. Time will tell I guess.

Thanks for the check in though And serious love to all my comrades, many of whom also seem to be having a rough time of it at the moment.

Girl I have been chasing isn't texting me while she deals with ongoing family drama. About to go into work at a job that's come to be extremely stressful, one I sought originally to get less stress. I had acting class at community college today. Called out sick yesterday because I was super depressed and having back pain and needed to do homework anyway. Made a wire sculpture of my shoe for 3D design class.

Have been obsessively playing Baldur's Gate 3 for over a week now and got like 80 hours in so far. Thinking about writing but not doing much of it.

TLDR sad but plugging along, the usual

Surviving, temps are below 90's for the last few days. Down from the 100+ they have been for the last month.

Friend of my wife dropped off a small air conditioner after casually mentioning the unpleasant sounds coming from current air conditioner. So, we've finally got a tiny A/C unit to keep the bedroom cool enough to sleep in.

Keep flipping a coin on whether I'm going to buy a cell phone battery to try to keep this ancient iPhone 6 going or scraping together the cash to buy a reasonably priced newer model and by that I mean some other refurbished smart phone from like 5 years ago or something.

looks at the notifications icon I really should read those. Been a bit too tired from the heat to want to read through them. Its going to be like finding some hidden presents from last years birthday/Christmas when I get around to it.

Time to go take care of the animals.

Be cool with yourselves.

pretty good! I did a repair on my car that involved removing the camshaft sprocket and I managed to do it without destroying my engine! previously it was struggling to make it to 40mph and now it zips around and accelerates smoother than when I got it :)

Eh. Mixed bag. I finished my doxycycline treatment for Lyme and feeling maybe 75% better than I did a few weeks ago. Hope it continues to improve.

Girl I was casually seeing decided to break things off, which is good because I really wasn't feeling it either. Just mildly distraught because, even though it was mutual, I'm genuinely starting to wonder if I'm actually dateable. I'm kind of weird and have niche interests and am generally pretty aimless in life. So not really an ideal partner for anyone. I know the answer is to just fix those things but...

Otherwise I've decided to actually start going to a gym. I've done light home workouts before but never actually gone to a real gym. I know everyone feels some level of embarrassment at first but I'm nervous. I'm so clearly not fit (6'4 lanklet) that it'll be rough at first, I'd imagine. But maybe it's the sort of routine that I need.

good, thank you

i had good naan the other day and im still stoked about it

I started therapy last week. Gonna work on getting my ASD diagnosis. Lost my job a few weeks ago(it was well paying and what I went to school for.) I guess I'm not cut out to be a software developer either. I'm taking that pretty hard since I guess I shouldn't have wasted my time with school if I was gonna end up at the same spot...

Severe depression is in overdrive now. I'm numb. I don't want to be here anymore. But I have a wife and 2 kids that love me and I love them and I'm tethered to this god-forsaken place for them. If I didn't have them, I'd probably kill myself. I'm 40 years old and can't keep a job for more than 2 years. I'm fucking useless. I've been unemployed more than I have been employed since I first started working. I get a job and try my best and after a while I just get fired. It's how it is.

Back to the super depressing bullshit that is filling out job applications. A-fucking-gain... I'm not qualified for anything. and what I am qualified for pays bullshit wages.

Had an anxiety attack that lasted a week. It wasn't bad so much as just there the entire time. I cried 5 times last week over various stupid shit.

I signed up and got accepted into the Marxist Unity Group pre-screening stuff but didn't know I was supposed to read 100 pages of their text a week I would be more on board for that if they had it in a format that worked on my ereader but it's only in pdf. I've tried several times to convrert it but the text parses all fucky and you end up with page headers and citations stuff in the middle of paragraphs. I donno if I wanna bother trying more. But the group aligns with a lot of what I wanna see with the left coming together as a unified party.

Still trying to work on learning Kotlin for no fucking reason since entry level Kotlin developers require 5+ years of experience so like do I just make stupid fucking apps for 5 years without being able to afford to feed my family and then hope I can get a job? There is a small thing I wanted to write for the Jerboa app, but idk if they would accept it as a merge. I think I know enough that I can add left-handed mode for comments and it's a feature request. I also wanna make a feature that pushes images in feed view to the left because I liked that about Sync for Reddit.

If anyone knows someone hiring remote for shitty software developer or self-taught Linux nerd, I'm looking for a job. No worries if they fire me in 2 years, as a prereq. since I'm used to it.

Maybe I should take writing back up. I was working on a meta-horror book series that I just sort of stopped after chapter 2... is anyone interested in a horror story that makes fun of horror tropes?

I’m having a hard time. My kitty who has been with me since her birth has her euthanasia scheduled for Friday. Shes had a good long happy life, and we’ve made the decision to give her rest before she begins to truly suffer, and I’m confident we’re making the right choice, but it still hurts so bad

Just ate a soft taco for lunch. So I'm pretty happy rn. Mr. Softie is being himself so that's makes me double happy.

Hi, I'm new to the community and just wanted to say I fucking love it here so far. Everyone is so fucking nice and understanding while being honest and authentic, I genuinely have learned so much and love coming back to this site. This thread is the perfect example lol.

Doing pretty great. Starting a new job in two weeks I'm excited for! Questioning whether I have autism. Went out and had a good night socializing and shit. Life is doing pretty good rn.

I watched Over The Garden Wall and it was just fine. I don't get the hype.

getting ready for a hurricane. ready to get this started already, it will be fine we got our hurricane snacks and alcohol and weed, i forgot candles fuck.