Don't get yourself down comrade, you're doing a ton of great work on lemmy, and while this isn't irl organizing, we do have the potential to change the public narrative in a positive way. If we even manage to convert even one liberal to communism, either through our technical labor or our communist agitation, then that is a victory we can be proud of.

I've also had to take a break from irl organizing, because I tend to take on way more work than I can handle, and know I'd be too overburdened and can't handle the extra work right now.

I can only conclude that I am this way because I always refuse to take personal responsibility.

I don't personally believe mindset is ever a real problem, the only problem is that we haven't yet formed habits to acheive what we want for ourselves. Habits are formed by repetition, not willpower.

I encourage you to write down 10 or so long term goals, put it on a piece of paper, and stick it on your wall. Then recheck that list periodically, to see how you're doing on it. Make sure it's things you actually want and like doing. If one of them is "learn to cook", pick out some things you've had at restaurants that you enjoy, and youtube recipe them. Shoot for making one meal you like a week from scratch.

Or if one is "get in good shape", then create a weekly workout regimen, there are tons of swole and fit comrades who can give pointers who've been doing this for years. My one was that I wanted first to be fit, then to have low body fat, then to have a strong upper body, then to get a six pack. Rather than shame or willpower my way through these goals, I slowly formed consistent habits, that I check off in my todo app.

If you want to read more, pick out some books you want to read, and start out with say 10 minutes a day, no internet, reading only. Once the habit forms, you can increase the time if you want to.

I recommend a todo app either like tasks.org, or loop habit tracker... something where you can set recurring habits, and feel satisfied when you check them off. Even for things like hygiene, they can really help you form habits.

You are not a coward comrade, you're just correctly seeing things you'd like to do to improve yourself, and are failing bc the willpower and shame method doesn't work.