this post was submitted on 11 Dec 2023
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GenZedong
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the idea that your sexual attraction to women makes you inherently misogynistic isn't a position that you picked up from any actually existing communist party or Marxist writer. I don't believe it's an idea you picked up from any living human outside your own head. On the vanishingly small chance that this isn't a bit, I sincerely urge you to work through your self-hatred before pursuing any real life relationship with someone of any gender that you're either not genuinely attracted to, or that you feel ashamed of your attraction to.
Confronting your own internalized misogyny would be commendable if that's what you were doing. Blaming your internalized misogyny on an involuntary biological sexual response is not. Claiming that you can change your own sexual attraction but are somehow powerless over your own negative thoughts and actions toward women suggests a reactionary worldview that just straight up doesn't exist outside of religious bigotry. You did not arrive at this conclusion from reading Marx. Nobody else in history reached that conclusion from reading Marx, and you aren't somehow the first to divine it. You could only have arrived at this conclusion through adopting it in the only place it actually exists in the world (religious fundamentalism) and substituting terms in a way that you found aesthetically palatable.
You've claimed in this thread that you believe you can choose to force yourself to be sexually attracted to men against your own will as a political act of defiance against internalized feelings of misogyny. Find me a single actually existing communist party or political grouping of queer people outside of fringe religious cases that take this position.
This claim does nothing to address the root of your misogyny (your own beliefs and actions toward women) and instead adopts the extremely homophobic idea that queer people have been fighting against for longer than you've been alive: that they're simply choosing to be queer, and that they could just as easily choose not to be if they wanted to badly enough.
If this is just a bizarre expression of you discovering a genuine attraction to men and struggling with reconciling your bisexuality with your sense of self then I wish you the best in working through it. If you think you can just adopt a marginalized identity without authentically feeling that way to avoid having to do the work of decoupling your misogyny from your attraction to women, then I again urge you to please talk to a mental health professional in real life about this. It doesn't do you or any potential partners any favors to be carrying around this sense of shame and resentment or to fake an attraction that you don't feel. Both are extremely shitty things to put on another person.