If you don't find instances or communities that have a level of moderation you appreciate, you could still start your own imstance with your own/no rules and federate with the Lemmy universe.

However, if 'your' rules are too controversial, you might not find other people willing to engage with your communities and other instances might even decide to block your server.

I feel that people and discussions on Lemmy are less toxic compared to Reddit. With less toxic I mean less insults, less provocations, less trolling etc. and more (from my perspective) valuable and deeper discussions instead. And a generally more supportive and open-minded attitude.

Main reason is probably that a large part of Lemmy users is quite homogeneous: left leaning, IT focused, rather young people etc. You always have to bear in mind that opinions here are not necessarily representative for the society as a whole.

Regarding trolling: I personally rarely appreciate trolls and I'm happy that mods are setting certain boundaries in the communities I engage with.