Necromancy gets a bad name.
this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
663 points (98.4% liked)
Programmer Humor
23200 readers
840 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Isn't this the plot of the Matrix?
Depends if you go with the original idea, or the battery idea designed by Hollywood execs who didn't think the audiences would understand.
... thus proving that Hollywood execs and the people they make their changes for are only good for batteries*, but I digress.
* For legal reasons, this is a joke. I have to say this because some Hollywood execs have more lawyers than braincells**.
** For all the same reasons, this is also a joke.
load more comments
(2 replies)
The heart beating is not a good definition of being alive in my opinion. The heart stopping temporarily doesn't mean you died, you were just in terribly grave danger.
If a person is defined by their heart, what does that make a heart transplant?
utterly useless definition.
Brain oxygen levels are the most important one iirc
Yeah, I'm not in any way medically anything but I think I remember Dr Mike or one of those talking about how brain death is considered death or something like that.
Because once those hit a certain danger threshold there's not much to 'bring back' right? I vaguely recall reading that somewhere.
Brains fail catastrophically and unrecoverably pretty quickly after being starved of oxygen. I don't like the chances of the frozen people who hope to be reanimated in the future
Some of them make for deliciously cursed slushies though
We are all the cardiac system of Theseus on this glorious day.
no, we should use the heart beating as a definition. why? because then I can say I'm undead and have died twice. that's very cool 😎 pls don't take that away from me 🥺 :(
As an old and now retired medic. My personal definition of dead was if you made into the back of my amp-a-lamps or not. If you did you weren't dead-- you were merely having a bit of a bad day. I might have needed to do your breathing for you and I might have needed to make your heart pump blood. But until some doctor somewhere decided you weren't worth his time and effort, you were still alive. Because I don't haul dead people.
So, by my definition as a trained and professional medical person, you where never dead-dead. Just someone have a bad day among many others having a bad day at that time.
And how is lichdom treating you? Have you raised an army of skeleton warriors yet?
But if you've died, then were undead, and then died again, you'd be un-undead right? So alive? It's basic double jeopardy.
~~You put the double 'un' but forgot the double 'dead'.~~
Oh, I didn't realise you were actually catching the thing mid statement.
Still:
- A dead un-dead would be a re-dead, not very alive
- Considering the 2x dead person is still capable of commenting, I would assume it came back after re-death and is now in some other condition.
That depends entirely on whether the un- prefix only negates the other un- prefix, or the entire adjective.
load more comments
(3 replies)
It's a good thing that the lack of a heartbeat isn't the ultimate definition of dead. But it can be one of the markers of dead.
load more comments
(1 replies)
My heart stops after every beat. Fortunately it has always started again before the next one....so far.
people say quitting smoking is hard. I don't understand, I do it multiple times a day.
We use a lot to define being alive not just the heart. The heart stopping is just an easy way to pronounce someone dead. What you described is called a pause. Not really the same thing. Brain death is also a thing. Any organ transplant allows you to function when otherwise you wouldn't be able to.
I meant like, when someones heart stops and gets restarted again with cpr or a defibrillator or something. People often call that being dead, and coming back.
So if someones heart stops we don't actually shock them. That's a medical show myth. We shock them if they're in something called a lethal rhythm. Which is the heart beating but not actually pumping blood. Very similar to the heart stopping and will eventually lead to the heart giving out. CPR keeps the blood flowing which keeps oxygen moving throughout the body preventing permanent damage. We give medications to restart the heart. They don't really die until these interventions are stopped. Some people also have a pacemaker that detects their heart going into a lethal rhythm and will take over the electrical impulse until their heart goes back to normal. By the definition of the heart stopping this person would technically die and be brought back too. So I see what you're saying but I wanted to add some context that this is pretty complex. Even more so when you bring in people deciding when they don't want these interventions.
Hey why do you think they call it "grave" danger
i know this is a joke, but i find it quite interesting those two words have completely different etymologies.
Grave as in burial site comes from an old proto indo european word for "dig", while grave as in serious comes from french.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Grave in this context just means deep. That's one of the meanings of grave
And when i die they’ll throw me into a grave hole.
"He's coding! I need a red bull, cargo shorts, and quiet classic rock, stat!"
NO that is the WRONG kind of coding!!
We need a monster, a short skirt, some stripey colorful thigh high socks, and Vocaloid music!
And five Discord boyfriends.
A discord kitten has needs ;3c
To be fair, I wouldnt be that shocked to find out thats how the maintainer of some core library exists. Permanently on life support, because no one else can understand their code.
I think you just described every COBOL programmers retirement.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Yeah the poster talking about "coding" is talking a bit of nonsense. "Coding" here is slang for "code blue" which is an American medical euphemism for cardiac arrest or medical emergency. Code blue is partially used to not cause alarm with patients (for example if tanoyed or if people overheard staff) and medical staff are familiar with it because its common in the US system. "Coding" is just a slang that medical staff say to each other and is a quasi medical term; its not an official term and would not be written in peoples notes for example.
And it is not an universal term. In the UK we call a cardiac arrest a cardiac arrest and put out an "arrest call". It is unambiguous and doesnt fall into a trap of creating other "codes" that become confusing. Similarly we have Trauma Calls for trauma teams and so on.
Some US hospitals apparently use a range of codes like code purple, code white, code gray etc. To my knowledge its not even standardised in the US or often between nearby hospitals (although code blue wouldn't have other meanings). I wouldn't be surprised if some US hospitals also don't use code blue at all anymore because it is unnecessarily ambiguous.
So we used a color system that's mostly standardized. Code blue is respiratory or cardiac arrest, code red is fire, code gray is security, etc. we're changing to plain language as that's been shown to be best practice. Everything is still a code though. We've had code trauma, code stemi, code stroke. We also have rapid response for anything that doesn't meet a code criteria but still needs assistance. My favorite was code brown for severe weather alert as that was our slang for cleaning a patient.
Nothing you've said is wrong, but (at least in the screenshot) the OP didn't say anything about it being used in anything official. It's a relatively common term in everyday language thanks to medical dramas which use coding a lot, and it's even in the Merriam-Webster medical dictionary.
Not to invalidate what you've said! Just pointing out that it not being used in official contexts doesn't make it nonsense to use elsewhere, like on some forum.
load more comments
(4 replies)
Is end of life care better or worse now than before?
Depends on who's paying for it
Better now, maybe. The people in palliative care are drugged heavily if their condition is painful. I suppose it's different in different places.
The best selfish reason to be good to your children is that they might put you in care. It's better if you can age and die at home unless you have a really nasty death.
getting all the relevant equipment and personnel
Yeah, doesn’t sound like the kind of coding I’m familiar with.
CPR doesn't bring a decompensated body back to life. You gotta figure out the problem in order to do that and fix it. That's what the algorithms we use in a code is for (as opposed to the algorithms you guys code). That's the real esoteric necromancy. Epi, bicarb, epi.
https://hospitalhandbook.ucsf.edu/04-comprehensive-acls-algorithm/04-comprehensive-acls-algorithm
load more comments
(21 replies)
view more: next ›