this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2023
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[–] driving_crooner 152 points 11 months ago (12 children)

Unethical life pro tip: want to kill yourself but left something for your family? Buy a life insurance policy, call the suicide prevention hotline and wait for the cops to kill you. Isn't technically suicide, so the life insurer can't deny your family claim!!

[–] Sprokes@jlai.lu 42 points 11 months ago

You think the cops wouldn't mark as a suicide?

[–] pulverizedcoccyx@lemmy.ca 13 points 11 months ago

Insurance companies hate this new easy trick.

[–] AbackDeckWARLORD@sh.itjust.works 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

At least in Canada life insurance will still cover you committing suicide, but it has to occur 1-2 years after your plan starts.

[–] EvacuateSoul@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

Same with my policy in the US. Already have it seasoned past the mark, so I joke with my wife that I can make her a millionaire.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Or pay off the corner to list your death as natural causes or something.

Like my uncle did.

[–] driving_crooner 2 points 11 months ago (2 children)
[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 3 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Auto correct got me again. Coroner.

For those that are genuinely confused, there's two very important things you must know. The coroner is the job title for the guy who writes up what caused you to die. They do things like autopsies (when required), and they're basically a doctor for dead people.

The other thing is the English idiom of "paying [someone] off", which is basically a common way to not so subtley say that you're bribing them.

So in plain language: there is an extremely good chance that my uncle bribed the coroner to ignore whatever he found on my uncle when he died and say he perished from natural causes. This normally implies something about self deletion and insurance, since insurance basically never pays out if you die by your own hands.

Is anyone still confused? Please let me know if you are and I can address any part of this that might not be crystal clear.

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[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 11 months ago

probably to pay sb in advance to falsify the death certificate

[–] Got_Bent@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I kinda legit want to check the conditions of my current life insurance policies regarding suicide. Not because I want to off myself today, but because I do want to off myself if I get the stage four diagnosis or some such thing.

[–] driving_crooner 4 points 11 months ago

Usually, after 2 years suicide is covered.

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[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 86 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Can't die from suicide if you die from homicide first

[–] SpezCanLigmaBalls@lemmy.world 23 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Can't go to hell from suicide if someone kills you

[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 35 points 11 months ago (3 children)

True but unfortunately his pants were 2% elastane so he will, in fact, still be going to hell

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[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Oh sht. The cops were the good guys all along. They're angels sent by God to take us all to heaven 🙏🙏🙏

/s (I'm going to vomit from having to type that)

[–] SpezCanLigmaBalls@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Truly a big brain move by god

[–] winterayars@sh.itjust.works 85 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I guarantee his death is listed as "suicide" in the official report.

[–] kameecoding@lemmy.world 30 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I mean, without context it's hard to tell, but suicide by cops is a thing, some people take advantage of the trigger happiness of cops and make them kill them.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 42 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

"make" them

cop drops two mags into a non-threat

HE MADE ME DO IT!

reloads for a third mag

gotta be sure

[–] SPRUNT@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago

"It's coming right for us!"

[–] Pat_Riot@lemmy.today 2 points 11 months ago

Thank you for not saying "clip"

[–] NENathaniel@lemmy.ca 7 points 11 months ago

This comment is elsewhere in this post with exclusively upvotes but you getting down voted for some reason lol

[–] originalucifer@moist.catsweat.com 67 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

saved himself a quarter by not usin one of them fancy suicide booths

[–] Everythingispenguins@lemmy.world 17 points 11 months ago

That is why you put the quarter on a string

[–] notannpc@lemmy.world 61 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I mean…technically the suicide was prevented.

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[–] thann@lemmy.world 58 points 11 months ago (1 children)

He reportedly yelled "killsteal"

[–] billwashere@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago

I’m going to hell for laughing so hard at this.

[–] LordOfTheChia@lemmy.world 45 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] casmael@startrek.website 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] Algaroth@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

Swedish. I remember when this was on TV.

[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 34 points 11 months ago

That could have been the poor man's plan all along. Suicide by cop. Local PD is just providing a free service. If only there was another way.

[–] CaptainProton@lemmy.world 31 points 11 months ago

Trained, qualified police doing quality police work keeping dangerous people with guns off the street, got it.

[–] NutWrench@lemmy.ml 17 points 11 months ago

Never call cops to solve a problem for you because then you have TWO problems.

[–] berkeleyblue@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Why the hell would you send a SWAT team to someone suicidal? O.o

[–] Sanyanov@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Guess he called hotline saying he's gonna take someone else's life before his own?

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[–] bmsok@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (5 children)

To anyone who's feeling down around this time of year, call 911 or 988. Nothing is better than having you around.

Edit:

I really feel strongly about this and I misworded my message. Get help if you need it.

You matter to me. I mean that with all of my heart.

[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 28 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Nothing is better than having you around.

I get what you're saying here, but it strikes me as funny that this sentence could also be read to mean that having nothing around is better than having you there.

[–] bmsok@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Oh, wow. That's a different take that I hadn't considered. I'll be anyone's something. Even for a single comment... and that's way better than nothing.

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[–] pixeltree@lemmy.world 19 points 11 months ago

Uhhhhhhhhh, very funny to recommend calling the police in the comments on a post about a man getting killed by the police because he called for help.

[–] Naz@sh.itjust.works 11 points 11 months ago

Given the context of the post, might not be the best idea

[–] Skates@feddit.nl 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Please don't suggest that people call 911. Not in the replies to this article.

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[–] Sidhean@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

cops murder suicidal man

if youre suicidal, get thr cops involved!

I love your energy, friend. Thank you for caring about strangers. In this world, that means a lot. However, I think this advice is very region-specific. In most of America, for instance, this isn't good advice. This is closer to calling the Army than a crisis counsellor. In other places, where police have the resources to help someone in this position, this may be excellent advice.

There are probably better places to direct people for resources like this. Don't stop fighting; fight more effectively. If you can't find anything better to link people, @ me and I'll try to help

<3

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[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Curb Your Suicide

[–] lugal@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago
[–] JustinAngel@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago

Is this like door dash for saddies?

[–] Emerald@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

I don't know if this claim is real or not but similar things (not involving SWAT) can happen. I suggest you check out the Safe Hotlines initiative.

https://translifeline.org/safe-hotlines/

If you need to use a suicide/crisis hotline, just make sure you are aware of the possibility of having police called on you, but please still reach out to a hotline if you need to.

[–] Pacmanlives@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

My make your dreams just dreams

[–] ridethisbike@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago

You ok, bud?

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