The Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you.

I think of comebacks years later. And at the moment I can't remember specifically what they were. But I promise you they were good.

Boys on e-bikes that are too stupid to understand how they put a disabled person like me in danger while I'm doing physical therapy on a bike trail:

• lithium legs
• iddy biddy lady legs
• sexy little lady legs
• heavy Huggies dumped a load on his power wheels

After all the cars that have hit me (7) and bullshit I've seen in 15 years and at least 170k miles on a bike, no one riding foolishly will last for very long.

A few years ago, VICE came out with a piece about a hypothetical private bodyguard business someone started up in China, but the laws would restrict a lot of the ways you could actually guard a body, so one thing led to another and it turned into what amounted to “martial arts elitism” (and apparently people think your smooth moves can stop projectiles). After the fact, I chuckled at twisting a Bible verse to say “man does not live on fists alone.”

This is something someone replied to not even me during a joke fight years ago but I still think it's the funniest thing.

"Where do you get off?"

"On your mother's chest."