cw: self-harm
American medical system bitching and self-harm
$50/month medication takes the "overwhelming urge to unalive" days per month from 15/30 to 5/30
unfortunately, finding a way to deal with those last crucial 5 days is proving difficult
feel free to make suggestions if you have them, unless they're diet and exercise and mindfulness, which I assure you are primary occupations and were locked in before I started spending +$50/mo on medication
just feeling so utterly hollowed out and trying to type instead of plot
if I can make it a month and come up with $200 3x over that month, I might come away with an autism assessment and specific recommendations for local-ish therapists and local-ish resources that could help
hopefully maybe β I live in a rural area where resources are thin
regardless, that's not going to fix the 5 terrible days, and I would need more money for a therapist on top of the $50/mo I'm barely doing now, or the $600 between me and getting the therapist recommendations
how do I fix the 5 terrible days? if it even possible? I've tried to accept that maybe they won't ever go away, but it is a bit of a hard row to hoe
and then how does one accumulate more income to afford extra shit while in this kinda state? ππ we don't, do we
never getting a pap or mammogram
just circling the drain
As for those 5 bad days, as someone who has been riding the depression/audhd train for a long time, all I can offer is that you have to expect them. Like when you wake up and it's that shitty day, acknowledge it. Tell yourself "ok, today is one of those truly shitty days. I'm gonna hate everything today". Sometimes that makes it easier to remember that it will end eventually and even if not it can at least help you remember to give yourself some grace that day.
I know that isn't much but I know that there are no real solutions.
Thank you. β€οΈ I'm sorry you're on this ride too, but I appreciate knowing that I'm not alone.