I’ve been eating at the same pizzeria that has been standing strong for just shy of a century, my mom used to eat their when she lived in the neighborhood and my dad reintroduced us to it back when I was 13.
After ordering my regular two slices of Sicilian, the owner gives me my drink free of charge, an arrangement we have had for about two years now. Pig chimes in, “soft drinks of choice? That’s mafia shit” I laughed it off because I like the sopranos too but then the other kept prying. “Think this is funny?” He said with a serious tone, I ignore him and thank the owner and find my booth. As I’m eating my first slice the pig that chimed in sits close to me and then starts asking me things like what I do for work and if I live in the area. “Just enjoy your slice” I say and continue eating my Sicilian. “Why are you being so paranoid, I’m just trying to make conversation?” He replies, and I keep ignoring him.
The second cop comes with his sausage pizza, nobody gets the sausage slice so it’s obvious they haven’t been here before. “This kid is ignoring me when I’m trying to make conversation, what’s up with that” he asks his partner sarcastically. First pig kinda doesn’t give a shit but rookie pig I feel is trying to make a name for himself so he can brag back at the pig pen. I wanted to involve both of them so I responded with “sausage slice what’s up with that” now first pig is fucking upset that I mentioned his slice, pigs are so weak. “You know the owner?” He asks me, I finish my first slice and then open my can of cherry soda. I always eat the first slice without drinking soda and then start drinking as I get to my second slice. Again, I ignore the question.
A few minutes go past and they’re laughing obnoxiously trying ruin my evening meal by making me feel uncomfortable. I have to rush the second slice now because I want to leave, I do feel uncomfortable at this point. “What’s the hurry?” Sausage slice pig beckons, again I continue ignoring. I brush off the crumbs onto my plate and head to the trash. I stand around for a bit enjoying my soda and then leave the can on my table for recycling, which is custom here. “That’s littering” the second pig says, “yeah throw your can away, ever heard of respect.” I start walking away but before leaving I say “never disrespect the pizza parlor.”
"Asking questions like that is bad for your health, officer."