Not gonna lie, I was a little skeptical going in (is this another "oh woe are us men" vid) but this is actually quite good. It's long (I'm still watching it) but I'll chime back in again when I finish it.
this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2023
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I might watch it in chunks. I'm glad these days vids have timestamps for chapters. Let me know what you think when you're done. 
Let me know what you think when you're done.
All I gotta say is... DAMN, that was one of the best videos I've ever seen in my life. Literally almost every line in the script resonated with me, with me having to pause multiple times and just take in how on point it was. THIS is what the left needs more of. PERIOD. FULL STOP. He described his personal journey in a way that was super relatable, but also tied it in to bigger social structures and the pitfalls that can lead one down dark paths. I'm just speechless at this point. I might write out a more structured analysis later, but for now, JUST WOW
I might write out a more structured analysis later, but for now, JUST WOW
Damn, I'll give it a watch then 👍
Yes please do, and spread it far and wide, it's definitely worth it.
Yes please do!
Oh I've seen this vid, it's actually really good. What really hit home for me was the little skit he does at 16:25 (until 17:45, so about a minute long). If the vid is too long for you I'd suggest you at least check out that part. It really hits the nail on the head of the issue for me, i.e. we really need to give some good dating advice to lonely young guys who are at risk of falling into right-wing pipelines.
What really hit home for me was the little skit he does at 16:25 (until 17:45, so about a minute long).
Yeah this was really on point. I've seen that exact cycle play out so many times, and it's sad.
Glad both of you liked it. I like that he gives some solid dating advice beyond the normal "just be yourself" BS. And he also takes some of the techniques that PUAs use, deconstructs why they are successful, and gives solid advice on how to implement it without just saying "BRO that advice is OBVIOUS! Anyone could have told you that!"
This is the sort of nuanced dialogue about dude problems I think is worth engaging with. I'm a man, I think our problems are VERY real, however I feel like a lot of the time we cannot have nuanced discussions about our problems because the people in the discussion are either bad faith or lack the rhetorical skills to properly talk about this sort of issue.
I have seen lots of "Address men's problem X"-like videos and read editorials and more often then not they lack the sort of depth of dialogue needed to talk about these sorts of complex problems. Like with lots of stuff if you wanna talk about it for real you have to unpack a lot of layered interconnected stuff. Talking about how dudes suffer under patriarchy is hard, complex, and difficult. All three of those things don't do well in internet age discussion. Which is probably why this video is like 1.5 hours long, I think the author did a great job being honest and real about shit but it just took a long time to do so and I don't think the internet is a great space for long, complex, or nuance.
It's a good video and dating is hard. Misogyny, patriarchy, and capitalism all suck. Helping and healing an class of social subject is probably a good thing. Making happy healthy dudes would cultivate happy healthy non-dudes as well. Everyone wins.
Yeah wholeheartedly agree that the discussions usually devolve into shitshows. Like i feel on some level people know that dudes have dating problems, but they don't want to cede ground to the right wing so they either ignore it or ridicule it, which is sad. I've even seen some people here on hexbear (and I'm talking power posters, if you will) basically say that "it's not a thing" or question "is this really a thing? "I" never heard about it." It's like dude, if you're already successful in dating, or maybe you had some issues but not glaring issues, then yeah you're not gonna notice it. The same way a successful white dude doesn't notice white privilege. (And might I add that a lot of dudes who have trouble dating are not white, but rather POC that get sexually discriminated against because of their race; think East Asian, South Asian, etc. guys). The lack of empathy that I sometimes see in this area is glaring, just like the video points out.
The lack of empathy that I sometimes see in this area is glaring, just like the video points out.
That's a bummer. One of the core tenets of leftist thought of any denomination is empathy. I'm certainly not on some "All problems are of equal importance/All lives matter" shit, but yeah dudes dating problems is a real issue that deserves empathy. It's not like a climate change critical level issue, but it is an issue that regular working people face everyday, and the desire for emotional and sexual connection and validation is just a human issue. We gotta at least have empathy on that level.
Yes misogyny, patriarchy, and capitalism have given men tons of unseen advantages, but the men who suffer under misogyny, patriarchy, and capitalism aren't really the shotcallers of existing social order . If anything the katz who are looking for advice on this sort of thing would rather it NOT be this way, especially anyone who is on a leftist message board like this.
My point is I guess we gotta at the very least not handwave another person's problem away when they say "Hey I'm having problems with X". As bell hooks calls it "White-Supremacist Capitalist Patriarchy", is very REAL and I'm not saying we should minimize its uneven burdens and suffering it throws out. I'm just saying whenever someone says they wants to connect with other people (sexual, romantic, platonic, beyond or in-between those previous types), it's probably a bad move to tell them their problem isn't real. Alienation from each other and ourselves sucks, and it sucks more when that alienation is offhandedly dismissed.
I'm commenting to come back to this thread after I've watched the video, but from what I've read already I think this is a good space to suggest The Will to Change by bell hooks. Really good read for anyone who'd like to learn more about how the patriarchy affects men's relationships
Yeah let me know what you think when you're done the vid.