Asklemmy

My friends' humour is extremely homoerotic and we constantly simulate gay sex (as a joke)

It kinda depends.

Men can be incredibly intimate friends, sharing everything, having deep emotional bonds, and doing so in complete stereotype breaking ways like not making jokes of things, or playing it off, and being fully present and supportive directly.

It is not, however, the most common way men express friendship. Like, I've had male friends that would be ready to kill someone with me, but wouldn't even think to offer a hug. I'm not even exaggerating, I had a bad breakup once, and a very good friend watched me cry, and asked me if I wanted to go kill her. He wasn't joking, he said he knew a place we could bury her where nobody could find it, dead faced serious.

Which, tbh, did shock me out of crying.

But you'd be surprised how supportive men can be. Most of my friends over the years were not afraid to hug, to listen, and talk. It isn't all blank faces and pats on the back

Then again, I tend to develop friendships slowly and value people that are emotionally open.

I'm not knocking the kind of friends that will give you a listen, offer you a beer, and then take you into the game room to blow up digital enemies. Or the ones that'll get you drunk and let you cry it out that way. Or any other expression of support. Because a lot of men, that's the kind of support they actually want, and some need.

See, there's a certain degree of the whole stereotype of men not wanting to show emotion that isn't just patriarchal bullshit. There's still a connection to that, but it isn't the only reason we stay as self contained as possible. Sometimes, if you let shit out at the wrong time, in the wrong way, it gets out of control. So having a buddy that's going to stay calm and by doing so help you keep your shit together as you process in a healthier way, that's as valuable as someone that'll hug you and let you fall apart.

A lot of men, they're also going to be your biggest hype man. The same dude that will stone faced listen and then pat you on the arm can be the one that tells you you're a fucking boss, so don't put up with that shit job, he knows a guy that can recognize your potential, or will drive your ass around town finding a better job, or give you a couch to crash on while you're broke in between jobs.

The expression of friendship may not always look intimate, and it may not fit the definition of it being based on communication of personal thoughts and feelings. But sometimes you don't need that kind of expression because you just get each other and words would devalue the connection.

Me? I'm a lucky motherfucker. My best friend is one of those guys that can do it all. His husband is pretty much the same, and also someone that'll wrap you up in his arms and hold you up when you're falling apart, and they've both done that for me. The guys from my support group are also the kind of friends that if you call one of them, all five of them show up on your porch ready to get you through whatever it is.

I try to be a good friend to all of them too. I would literally kill for my best friend and his husband. No doubt, no hesitation, there would be bodies on the ground if anyone ever goes after them. Last time someone laid a hand on my friend, it didn't end well for them as it was. I'm also willing to drive my ass across three counties in the middle of the night when someone is in crisis, just like they are.

Men can be very intimate, in ways you wouldn't expect. The key is to accept them as they are, and to recognize their expression of intimacy, friendship and love. You do that, and as long as they're a decent person, you'll be fine.

The younger guys are usually better at the emotional openness than us guys from gen-x and earlier, but there's never been a complete lack of that kind of intimacy from men, it was just rarer. But us old farts have learned too. My dad is much more of an emotional connection to his friends and family than he was twenty years ago. But, there's the flip side that some of the younger guys push the emotional intimacy too much, they treat it as a kind of mandatory thing rather than as something offered freely.

You asked about men, so that's where I'm leaving it, without comparing it to women, but there are differences there, as well as similarities.

I try to be that open with my good dude friends, but I only have a couple I’d consider good. Most are superficial friendships based on a single common interest.

No. Next question.

Their* than*

I find my queer male friends are willing to be intimate while straight male friends are very shut off and rarely open up. Generally. Of course there's exceptions.

Women being intimate openly remains more socially acceptable than men doing it, at least presumed heterosexual men.

I have noticed a shift in the last five years and more of the (heterosexual) men in my social circles have openly hugged me more enthusiastically than they used to.

I have become more comfortable being affectionate in public in general, but that's about becoming more comfortable with myself, rather than a matter of what's assumed to be socially acceptable of the various genders. I'm definitely falling into the category of life's too short and I'll be dead sooner than I'd like to admit, so here I am, motherfuckers. Deal with it.

I'm in my thirties and when I compare my friendships to my wife's, I must say that women are more intimate with each other. They hug and cuddle. My friends and I don't really do that. I only hug my friends when I feel they need it.

If not shamed then sometimes more intimate

Well, I hug friends to greet and show compassion. But it doesn't really change anything, in terms of closeness or intimacy for me. Maybe others feel like that too and don't really engage in physical intimacy. I do hug female friends in comfort too, but that's very awkward for me. It seems to help them though.

I feel better when my personal space is respected, I don't really want hugs when I'm feeling down. I do like hugs when I'm feeling comfortable though.

Not true for all but true for most.

However let's make a difference between being close and being intimate; females are usually more intimate than males or at least open up more quickly on personal topics. Gay/bi males are also like this.

As for closeness though, I don't think there is much of a difference between sex/gender/sexual orientation. I've found bros sticking together and backing up each other the same as girls do if not more.

I'm generally more open with female friends than male friends. There's one friend that I've become more open with but that's because we've been friends for over 15 years. Growing up taught me that showing emotion was weak and not what I was supposed to do. I was very sensitive as a kid and learned to hide and intellectualize my feelings rather than feel them

Of course, hugging, touching, sensitive subjects. ima give a homie a kiss if we're hyped up enough.

I'm (m) somewhat "intimate" with my friends I'll hug and stuff. But I'll play it off as a joke half the time depending on who. I was fortunate enough to have made really great friends in high-school that I can be more friendly and am secure enough that if anyone said anything it wouldn't phase me

No. Not in my experience anyway. That said, furries are a whole different breed. Furries love sharing physical intimacy. Cuddle piles in the furry community are a real thing.

40 year old male here. My friends and I will hug each other if we feel someone needs a hug.

Just last week I was in a bad mental state and my friend came and picked me up to get get me out the house and meet other friends and then discuss what was up with me and told me to reach out more when feeling down.

I think it would be hard to nail down the overall demeanor. Of course there's the stereotype that men are closed up emotionally and sometimes male toxicity enforces that, but I think it really just comes down to how people develop emotionally and if they feel secure to trust others with those emotions.

Girlfriends have naked bubble make out pillow fights. Guys do not.