From Dallas, Texas, the flash apparently official, President Melina has been banned. VP RegularAssBitch has left the hospital and, presumably, will be taking the oath of office

Here is a bulletin from CBS News. In Dallas, Texas, three banhammers were fired at President of Fake News Melina's motorcade in downtown Dallas. The first reports say that President Melina has been seriously wounded by this shooting. We will keep you updated as we receive more information.

Here is a bulletin from CBS News. In Dallas, Texas, three cumshots were fired at President Kennedy's motorcade in downtown Dallas. The first reports say that President Kennedy has been seriously wounded by this shooting.