It hurts to be previously friends with someone who gives you the cold shoulder once they find out you don't want to fuck them.

I guess in that case there was never really a friendship to begin with.

but this would definitely burn bridges.

I guess I should clarified that this is more of something you'd say in the beginning, not too long after meeting someone.

You're basically giving them them an ultimatum to date you or cut off contact.

I mean I see it more as you know who you are and are setting boundaries for yourself. If the other person insists on being friends while knowing that you are into them, I see that as kind of manipulative, because you're kind of pressuring the person with the feelings to make a decision to stay in an awkward situation.

A system is a brain with multiple people in it.

So like multiple personality?

You obviously (I say obviously but from what I've heard...) shouldn't keep asking for a date or a job interview.

Actually that reminds me of something slightly related. It always seems like back in the day guys would ask a girl out like ten times before she finally said yes. I always hear stories from older couples like "he asked me out 20 times before I said yes and we've been happily married for 60 years!" But nowadays persistence is seen as being creepy in dating, although it's kind of still promoted in sales, business, etc.

A squish is a persistent feeling of platonic attraction to someone. It's the platonic equivalent of a crush. When I'm around someone I have a squish on, I'm excited and happy to be near them. With time and familiarity, these feelings usually fade and get replaced with platonic love, which is the foundation of a good friendship.

Ah I see

Introjection is when a system creates a member with an identity based on an external source. These sources are usually fictional characters, which results in system members called fictives, but there are also factives, which are members based on a factional source.

Ok I'm completely lost here. I don't know what a system is. And I take it factional source is a real source, as opposed to fiction?

what societal change do you think needs to occur about this issue?

Maybe reverse the trend of turning dating into a commodified market for one. Apps like Tinder have really made looks be the sole factor in whether you even want to talk to someone. It's become so gamified that we essentially treat potential partners as some kind of stock investment. Also the digital world has really isolated us and we rarely even talk to people anymore except through text or instagram. I think electronic communication is great (I mean here I am commenting on hexbear) but not at the expense of real life contact (hence the "touch grass" meme). Maybe have community centers that actually appeal to people? I dunno, perhaps we need to look at what the Soviets and other cultures do to help people meet each other (https://youtu.be/teZw4-trPuE?feature=shared).

So I must be out of the loop here, what's a squish? What's introjecting? Never heard of those terms before

You can logically know something, and behave accordingly, even if your feelings are different.

I think that may sound good in theory, but in practice emotions really fuck with us. So if one is trying to assess how to best proceed, there needs to be an honest accounting on the strength and frequency of these feelings. It's almost like a calculated risk to be honest. You need to really know yourself. If you think you can do it then yeah good for you, but I think in our current environment it might just create more danger to the women because they may not know who is honestly trying to be friends and who is "just trying to get in" under the guise of friendship. Maybe this analogy isn't that good, but it's almost like job hunting, if you get rejected I suppose you can try to "follow up and keep trying" but it's better to move on (and I fully acknowledge that dating isn't transactional like a job but it still kind of is a "market" for lack of a better term).

I mean, I don't think it's a "legitimate issue" in the sense that it's something society needs to deal it, it's an interpersonal thing that sucks but that individuals need to deal with in the best way they can.

I think it's both. Just like any other issue that socialists talk about, like racism, sexism, classism, etc. They can all be "dealt with" on an interpersonal level, but ultimately there needs to be a societal change.

It really is possible to be attracted to someone and accept that the other person isn't attracted back and still be nonromantic friends. I have done it, and I still have those friendships many years later.

So I think that there needs to be more advice on how to do this, as I've rarely encountered someone who's successfully navigated it as you have. Maybe a separate post on how to do it? But anyways, should people want to pursue that option, I think it's something that the individual needs to assess based on the strength of their feelings. If they are not emotionally ready for this kind of change (and from what I've seen a lot, maybe most, cis-straight men aren't), then I think not seeing the person anymore might be the better option. Otherwise if they really want to try to make a friendship work (and actually try to be friends and not try to "get in" later) then I guess your advice would be helpful.

Were you initially attracted romantically from the beginning?

People say this, but let's be honest the "friend zone" is something most people experience, it just go cringe to use because of the way incels use it. Having romantic feelings for someone while trying to have a plutonic relationship with them is a frustrating thing to navigate. The issue is people getting an immature victimhood complex about it.

Yeah the whole incel thing has really poisoned the well on a legitimate issue like this. It's kind of funny how some leftists will talk about context when it comes to the faults of former AES states but on other issues (especially ones like this, i.e. dating) they completely ignore context and sound like your average lib. Oh well I guess we all have to continue to grow.

Also if it something you can't handle, better off just avoiding the person and trying to move on. Hoping plutonic friendship leads to romantic love is usually a fools errand.

I mean it works out for some people I suppose (for ex UlyssessT in this thread) but yeah I think remaining friends while still holding out hope is disingenuous.