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Imagine being afraid of the ‘friend zone’
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this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse
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Yes it is a real concern. And honestly, I think leftists are terrible at giving dating advice, especially when it comes to men. There are some considerate leftists that actually give concrete advice (like start exercising, find clothes that fit better, maybe trim the beard so it looks nice, get a good haircut or shave it completely if balding, try to look people in the eye instead of looking down all the time, learn small talk, learn banter, learn how to express romantic interest, find that difference between confident and creepy and know when you've crossed it, etc.) Most of the "advice" I see is just "don't be a r!pist!" and "don't harass women!" Like bro that's obvious, but to the guy that's constantly getting rejected, especially when apps like Tinder make it so the a few super good looking guys pretty much clean house (and this dynamic absolutely spills over into offline interactions), there needs to be better advice.
When this advice is lacking, or people dismiss these young men because "there are so many other problems why would I care about MEN!", this can lead to alienated young men finding their way into reactionary spaces. In this case a little prevention is worth ten tons of cure.
And lastly, I'll say this, it's completely disingenuous to remain "friends" with someone after you've been friendzoned if you initially had romantic feelings for them and those romantic feelings still persist. Unless your feelings magically also changed to platonic ones, then there's a relational imbalance that will always linger. It's better to just say "hey I like you in a more romantic way and even though you want to be friends, perhaps it's better that we don't hang out."
Disagree. It's not hard to turn a crush into a squish. I know 2000s era TV made it seem like it's impossible to be friends with someone you love without acting like a creep, but that's just not true. Just have a little honesty. "I find you romantically attractive but I also value your friendship."
Yeah people I've friendzoned have secretly introjected me and pursued a relationship with the introject in the past, but that's called being a creep, it's not called having feelings.
So I must be out of the loop here, what's a squish? What's introjecting? Never heard of those terms before
A squish is a persistent feeling of platonic attraction to someone. It's the platonic equivalent of a crush. When I'm around someone I have a squish on, I'm excited and happy to be near them. With time and familiarity, these feelings usually fade and get replaced with platonic love, which is the foundation of a good friendship.
Introjection is when a system creates a member with an identity based on an external source. These sources are usually fictional characters, which results in system members called fictives, but there are also factives, which are members based on a factional source. I friendzoned someone I was dating and they accidentally introjected me some time after. They decided to keep the introject a secret and do romantic activities with it, which was very gross for me. Factive introjection can often be a problem with no easy answers, but the least that can be done is a little honesty.
Ah I see
Ok I'm completely lost here. I don't know what a system is. And I take it factional source is a real source, as opposed to fiction?
A system is a brain with multiple people in it. And yeah, a factional source is one that actually exists. I wouldn't say "real", because I don't identify as real and my introject was still a factive. There's a difference between what exists and what's real.
So like multiple personality?
Dissociative Identity Disorder used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder, but it was renamed to focus on the symptoms that were actually harmful, because being plural isn't a sickness. Plurality can also arise from other disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and it can also arise naturally or as the result of deliberate or accidental efforts. It's often linked with spiritual beliefs by people who experience it in a way which conflicts with normative reality's narratives. Leonard Nimoy famously has a Spock in his head who he sometimes talks with, because of all the years he spent playing Spock on TV. The brain adapts.