this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2024
851 points (96.2% liked)
Not The Onion
12214 readers
520 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Just wow. Only a tidbit of the crazy they are spouting in this article.
I don't get it.
Why would the cabal, the super influential group secretly controlling all our actions, need a football team to win the superbowl to defeat them, and why would they, in all their Machiavellian wisdom, not have considered the 50% chance event that their football team loses?
Why would they pick Biden for another term then start WW3? Why not just start it now if that's what they want and he's already their puppet? They've had 3 years and there's certainly enough political tinder in the world to start a fire.
None of this makes any coherent sense.
You know what, I've thought about this some more and the reasoning is clear.
If the 49ers win, they'll inadvertantly resurrect Harvey Milk, who will kill JFK (who faked his own death and has been lying in wait), who will then be unable to reclaim the last months of his presidency (his term was never officially ended you know) which he planned to use to restore Donald Trump to power. Harvey Milk will then become president and make heterosexuality illegal and force us to live in 15 minute neighborhoods.
That must be their angle! They win either way!
There’s one key piece you’re missing, Joe Montana is actually resurrected Harvey Milk & has been this whole time.
This plan began back when Joe was winning Super Bowls, but Steve Young was an unexpected hiccup. The queer stopped spreading as fast when Joe got traded.
This Superbowl has been chosen specifically because Montana played for both the Chiefs & the 49ers, & because Joe Montana is also Taylor Swift.
They were going to do it 4 years ago, but Joe was still Arianna Grande back then.
It’ll all make sense when Andy Reid eats Travis Kelce during halftime.
Unfortunately, this is still tracking easier than whatever that word salad was up above.
Excuse my ignorance, but is there something going around about 15-minute neighborhoods? Someone pretty kooky mentioned something about that to me just today (in relation to Chattanooga, I think, but I didn't exactly follow the crazy train of thought). Something about how they're monitoring everyone and they can't take more than 100 trips outside that zone or something. I know it's all nonsense but there's also usually some tie back into reality.
The abilities of some to twist and misconstrue almost everything is almost impressive. Anytime anything might be helpful to society, they come up with conspiracies and ways it must be for evil.
I don't have, and never planned on having, any kids but, I always vote for and push for education. It is scary what large numbers of ignorant people can accomplish.
This is how things work now. Every idea we come up with to marginally improve society will be met with completely invented bullshit.
Yeah the conspiratorial right claims they’re a way to trap people into restricted zones 15 minutes across
I found this USA Today https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2023/04/10/fact-check-false-claim-15-minute-cities-lock-down-residents/11593351002/
From a snippet:
"The 15-minute city is the opposite of lockdown," Moreno said. "The 15-minute city is an open and connected city, which balances the differences in access to services."
The framework does not limit residents' ability to leave their neighborhoods or access services in other areas of the city.
“All citizens are free to go where they want," Moreno said. "There are no constraints.”
Thank you for this! I figured it was the usual mix of 1) a term based in reality, 2) a dash of sci-fi / dystopian tale, and 3) a whole ton of crazy.
Sadly yes, there are a bunch of conspiracy theories around them.
Nailed it
It's because so much conspiracy theory requires the conspirators to be simultaneously all powerful but hilariously weak and stupid. And all their plans have to be announced and hinted at through pop culture and in ways that are suspiciously similar to popular movies and TV shows as remembered by people with no media literacy.
Brilliantly coded reference to Nicki Minaj (“it’s the butt have culture people“), “rapper” and illuminatiarian with 5G cheek implants controlling society via the minds of our youth. Didn’t expect to be so enlightened in this thread.
Because they need people not to know until all the stars are aligned and then nobody can stop it anymore! Unless some hero changes the course of history by telling everyone and saves the world!
$0.02:
Optimistically: they're just crazy. Some have access to a louder bullhorn than others, but it's just garden variety insanity.
Pessimistically: someone has a huge pile of cash riding on the outcome of the game, and is making a Hail Mary pass of their own to sway the outcome.
This is my response to all conspiracy theories. If this deep state cabal is so powerful, and has access to unlimited resources to achieve their agenda, wouldn't it be easier to just declare martial law and send the deep state army in to drag us all into the streets, point a gun at our heads and say comply or die? Why the theatrics? Is the deep state the Joker? Why not just shoot Batman in the head and be done with it?
This shit sounds like deepfried AI hallucinations, but I know people are actually that dumb.
Remember every accusation is a confession…
And they'll somehow always find ways to bring you to a loss for words even when you expect the absolutely deepest level of stupidity and craziness you can imagine. These past handful of years have just been a constant shattering of expectations of how dumb and fucked up people manage to be. And 90% of it is coming from right-wing fanatics.
Normal people are not equipped for the power of the internet.
Didn’t seem to care about that too much during Covid, not sure why it’s a problem for him now.
If the guy is endorsing a team from San Francisco, the capital of libruls and the gay, he must be part of the conspiracy.
Absolutely. If anyone is going to stop socialism, Jewish space lasers, and the San Francisco 49ers, it's a guy from Kansas with a mustache and his blonde country singer girlfriend.
Really feels like conservatives picked the wrong side here?
Why are there people so convinced that football, or the outcome of any sporting event, matters at all? Like I know that this is just some media manipulators trying to stir people up, but I also fully believe that they will succeed and that the number of people who will find this argument compelling will be depressing (though who knows, maybe humanity will have a pleasant surprise).
Main character syndrome. They all think they're God's chosen, but they all also secretly believe that they are God's chosen-er
The World Cup defeat that lost an election
But hey, no pressure or anything guys.
I don't get it, do the Chiefs have Swift and Kelce as spokespeople or something? Why would they tour with Chiefs, if that's what they're saying.
Travis Kelce plays for the chiefs, Taylor and Travis are dating. Taylor is present at many chiefs games and almost surely will be at the Super Bowl. Taylor is very outspoken about the need to vote, rarely if ever says who to vote for but presses the need to have your voice heard. Republicans and other fascists know that their policies are wildly unpopular, especially with the youth, and so hate the idea of anyone encouraging the youth or anyone else to vote and possibly outnumber the hateful citizens that normally vote for republicans
Had to look up this Kelce fellow. He has earrings? Oh noooo (for right wingers).
Your mistake is trying to understand crazy
It reads like someone parodying schizophrenia.
I don't want what he is having.