this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2024
68 points (98.6% liked)
chat
8188 readers
406 users here now
Chat is a text only community for casual conversation, please keep shitposting to the absolute minimum. This is intended to be a separate space from c/chapotraphouse or the daily megathread. Chat does this by being a long-form community where topics will remain from day to day unlike the megathread, and it is distinct from c/chapotraphouse in that we ask you to engage in this community in a genuine way. Please keep shitposting, bits, and irony to a minimum.
As with all communities posts need to abide by the code of conduct, additionally moderators will remove any posts or comments deemed to be inappropriate.
Thank you and happy chatting!
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
A lot of people do. I'm not trying to make a condemnation, it's just something to work on. Like with the OP thing, since I'm no therapist, the main suggestion I can offer is "Try to focus on other things". If you fuck something up, don't waste time kicking yourself, think of how to fix it!
It's less about fucking up and more just about being highly uncomfortable with things that are inherent, innate, and immutable aspects of my existence.
Taking your account at face value, usually there is a reason that we hate or are uncomfortable with things. Assuming they are truly immutable qualities, it's probable that something conditioned your reaction to them and near-certain that it can be conditioned differently. Reality is dialectical, things change whether we want them to or not, so we may as well make use of the fact that we ourselves change as organisms and as people over the course of that dialectic.
It's in the form of internalized bigotry usually.
I harbor a lot of self-hatred over my race, my queerness (especially my transness), and my neurodivergence.
I have developed a strong tendency to refer to myself with very disparaging terms as a result of this self-hatred.
I'm too "abnormal" to feel like I do not deserve to be hated. There aren't enough people I relate to for me to have a frame of reference of how people like me are supposed to be treated.
For this reason, I see myself as an exception who may be a person that actually deserves hate both from others and from myself.
I think if you recognize it as internalized bigotry, that's a positive indication that your relationship with those feelings can change. I think one way to look at it is that we, as communists and as people who want a kinder, more equitable world, believe that people being different doesn't make them any less valuable as humans. Surely, if you met someone with some bizarre deformity that you've never seen before, your reaction would not be "there is no place for this person, we are not like them," you would seek to engage with them as human beings because that's the one really important commonality. Am I mistaken?
I know, at the very least, what to call it, but I don't think I can say for sure that my feelings can change.
The funny thing is that I don't look down on any other person or even sentient non-humans. I think they all deserve respect, but I place myself below all others in the grand scheme of moral consideration. I often feel like a monster, a threat, and a detriment, but I try not to be.
I want to make others happy, but I don't know if I deserve to even do that.