this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2023
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Not The Onion

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[–] ElBarto@sh.itjust.works 57 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I love everything about this paragraph.

Griest told police he had fallen on the television and that his wife had tried to catch him but ended up getting a cut on her neck. When Griest fell, the television broke and he got a cut on his finger. Griest told officers that he called police because the incident was "going to turn into a domestic" as his wife's drunk boyfriend was allegedly going to stop the house the following day to assault him, Hornberger wrote in the affidavit.

[–] Melkath@kbin.social 14 points 2 years ago

As a gamer, I was going to come in with an edgy "that's what you get" joke, but with this added info... I'm doubling down on a "that's what you get" joke.

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"his wife's drunk boyfriend"

This has to be satire.

[–] xor@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

i thought that too, but it appears to be a real news site...
i still find it hard to believe that reality has come this close to being a made-up shitpost...
but maybe, the fortnight playing convicted pedophile actually called the police because his wife's boyfriend might beat him up...
im pretty sure this means the universe will be collapsing in on itself pretty soon...

[–] Cypher@lemmy.world 49 points 2 years ago (3 children)

The whole story just gets weirder every sentence.

[–] XeroxCool@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I didn't beleive it would but it did

[–] Deceptichum@kbin.social 31 points 2 years ago (2 children)

A Mount Carmel man who is a registered sexual offender allegedly assaulted and injured his wife after she cut off Wi-fi as he was playing the video game Fortnite with young children online.

Also the stuff about the wife’s boyfriend makes me think this guy spends time on 4Chan.

I just immediately thought this guy must be a regular on /b/

[–] wildginger@lemmy.myserv.one 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The "with young children" bit is definitely inflammatory and uncalled for. Unless he was playing a "12 and under only" game mode, that bit is only in there because it makes the sex offender bit sound scarier.

"Oh no, the kidz are playing with sex offenders online!" style fear mongering. The loser was playing with randos, 95% odds, and if there was evidence that the 5% predation odds was what was actually happening that would be half the article

[–] BigPotato@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The wife decided to cut off the Wi-Fi because she didn't want him talking to kids online. He might've been in an 18+ game but the wife thought he was there to creep on kids and got a TV allegedly thrown at her for it.

[–] wildginger@lemmy.myserv.one 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Is that in the article? How did I miss that

[–] BigPotato@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

She told police she came downstairs and found Griest was talking to young kids online on Fortnite. She did not want him to have contact with the children because he is a registered sex offender, according to the affidavit. The wife then cut off the Wi-fi, which caused Griest to throw the television at her.

Fourth-ish paragraph. That's what she told the police.

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

The article started with Mt Carmel, so that's just a regular Tuesday. Shit goes down on Mount Carmel.

[–] AnalogyAddict@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Written by AI, maybe?

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 42 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Police charged Griest with misdemeanor counts of terroristic threats, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, and related charges.

Wtf? Cops just slap terrorism charges on every chance they get, huh?

Don't get me wrong, the guy is a piece of shit, but terrorism? That's not what happened here and they know it!

[–] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 37 points 2 years ago (2 children)

"Terroristic threats" is a ridiculously common charge against school age children. Dozens of 10 year olds are charged with it every month in Texas

Based on an analysis of district juvenile justice referral data we received from Brownsville ISD, the district police made 3,102 student arrests over a period of roughly two and half years from May 2021 to November 2023. That’s 135 arrests per month in the school year. Fifty-nine percent of those arrests were for felony changes.

Of those arrests, 3.5 percent were for elementary school-aged children. From the beginning of the prior school year to November 3 this year, there have been 76 arrests of students 10 to 11 years old. Charges for terroristic threats accounted for 20 percent of those arrests. Most, 66 percent, were felony charges. There were no charges for aggravated assault for this age group.

[–] Sweetpeaches69@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The devil must be so, so proud of Texas right now.

[–] Retrograde@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

Right? What a heaping pile of shit that state is

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Holy fuck! Fucking bastards! 🤬

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 2 years ago

I know! Who’d’ve thought there were so many terrorists in 6th grade.

[–] xor@lemm.ee 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

first they made terrorism the biggest problem in the world, declared war on it, made tons of draconian laws against it... and then they changed what the word means.
btw, check out the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act, which makes it "terrorism" to work at a job with livestock and then secretly film the abuse other people do to them.
in some states, that is "legally" terrorism.
(its illegally, but good luck appealing that when you're in a guantanamo style blacksite somewhere, being force fed rectally)

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

I'd call it Orwellian, but that's more fucked up than anything Orwell ever imagined! 🤬

[–] bedrooms@kbin.social 37 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (6 children)

Btw is it only my country in which people call the internet wifi these days? As an IT worker I feel my brain deteriorate every time even a company doesn't use these terminologies properly in their ads.

[–] Dremor@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Well, could really have been the wifi that was cut and not the entire box.

[–] bedrooms@kbin.social 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Yes, sure, I do hope the rest of the world ain't as stupid as my country.

[–] maniel@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Shutting down WIFI is synonymous with turning off the router for me

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

It hurt a bit when the contractor I am dealing with at work kept on mixing up disk with memory. It wasn't so much that I am being pedantic it is that he is making claims off his mixup.

I asked him politely to please search up the differences.

[–] archomrade@midwest.social 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

My ISP doesn't even tell you if your WAN is down when you check your service status on their app. It just tells you to "check your Wi-Fi router and reset if necessary".

If you use your own router, it won't even tell you that, it just says "issue finding wifi 360 information".

[–] bedrooms@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Oh no, this is what I'm talking about. But in our case, those stupid people don't distinguish between Wifi and LAN anymore anywhere in their anything.

Edit: one day, a dubious network worker came to my flat saying they are testing the Wifi provided by the apartment. I told him I don't need it because I set up my Wifi on my own.

Then he told that's impossible because if I'm using Wifi I must be using the hardware of the apartment.

Turned out, he can't distinguish between the fiber port and a Wifi router...

I wanted to know if he was sent by the house maintenance or just another salesman. But how can you talk with a person on IT, when he continues mixing up technological terms!?

Eventually I got upset and closed the intercom.

[–] NAXLAB@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

I'm an IT guy right with you but I'm also a linguist:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linguistic_description?wprov=sfla1

[–] harry_balzac@lemmy.world 31 points 2 years ago (1 children)

She did the world a service. If only more people would be willing to step up and cut off the wifi when someone starts playing Fortnite

[–] Dremor@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Or add the Fortnite servers IP to their Pihole 😇

"Sorry, Fortnite servers don't work at home", and suddenly my younger cousins are a lot less thrilled to visit me for Christmas. 😂

[–] Retrograde@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

I support these grinch-like activities 😂

[–] superweeniehutjrs@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] seaQueue@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Heated gamer moment

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

451: Unavailable due to legal reasons

Sad

[–] Deceptichum@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

It's GDPR related. It's not down.

[–] Retrograde@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Someone seems to have cut off your wifi

[–] bedrooms@kbin.social 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Boy, you never play Fortnite with Wifi.

[–] Staiden@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yeah for real, who games on wifi? I was just invited to move in to my girlfriends place, I shoved myself down in the crawlspace to run ethernet before I even set my computer up. My motherboard has wifi built in if I wanted to use it.

[–] BigPotato@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

He wasn't there to win, just to talk to little kids. Wi-Fi is perfectly acceptable for that.

[–] ArugulaZ@kbin.social 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Guess where you're going to be staying the next few fortnights?

[–] empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 2 years ago

Oh God it better not be tilted towers

[–] Kayel@aussie.zone 4 points 2 years ago

Modernists: confused why this happened

Postmodernist: of course this happened, the videogame is more real to them than the human is