Also, the carrots are ~~unmaintained~~ rotten.

DONT FORGET THE PATRONS WHO SHOW UP ORDER SOMETHING AND COMPLAIN “aCtUAllY ItS GnOoOOO SLasH LiIiIiINuCCssSs”!!!!!!

AND THOSE WHO EXPECT ME TO SERVE THEIR FAVOURITE PLATE OF PROPRIETARY CRAP FROM MICROSOFT’S

I SERVE ACTUALLY EDIBLE FOOD HERE!!!!!!!!!!

More like BEA-strow to use the letters from your version

The character you're looking for it ɪ, not I. In this case I think you'd write [ˈdɪsˌtɹoʊ ˈbɪsˌtɹoʊ] (also adding secondary stress and correcting to a more likely rhotic). Although it depends on accent (especially because I chose phonetic ([]) transcription instead of phonemic (//, which you originally had) (which means transcribing the actual sounds (I kept this pretty broad still because I don't know how you pronounce words exactly) instead of the conceptual sounds they map onto) because this is intended at least in part for an audience which doesn't primarily speak English) and there's a lot of ambiguity anyways (is there actually secondary stress on the second syllable (where is that syllable boundary anyways? I originally had it before the s but I think in regular speech [s.t] is more likely to be realized.)? I think there should be but Wiktionary doesn't include it).

Uhh yeah all those parentheses seem to match up. I'm not editing that down more to try to make sense, my first draft was even more verbose lol