Ask Lemmy

You gotta admit this post is a little ironic.

I think what a lot of people mean by that is "you always have to make other people feel as if they're wrong"

They're implying you're difficult.

Not every conversation has to be a competition.

Like in the Walking Dead games... Silence is a valid option.

"Yes, I know. And experientially it is horrifying to recognize how wrong all of you are all the time. It is a living nightmare."

Think why people say that.

It may be a) you really do act like that, or b) you talk to people who don't like to discuss or learn things.

It can be both. Maybe you talk to the wrong people, but still come off as preachy.

So if someone tells you that, ask what they mean.

Take their concerns seriously, but not necessarily literally.

Maybe they're accurately describing something you do. Maybe not.

Do you try to continue conversations when the other person is trying to disengage? That's an actual thing that many people do; maybe that includes you. Try different approaches, like "Hmm, I still disagree, but I don't need to continue talking about this either" — or just noticing whether it's really important to you to press the subject, and whether the other person is receptive.

Pay attention to the other person's discomfort there. Even if you're right and even if it's important, if someone is tired of hearing your opinion, they're not going to change their mind.

Even if they're not accurately describing you, they're still describing what you seem like to them, at that moment. They may be insecure about their own understanding or judgment, and feel like you have more power than them in the situation, and that you're using it poorly. (But the one thing not to do to an insecure person is to call them insecure.)

One thing they're almost certainly not trying to do, is to escalate the argument to the meta-level of arguing about how good or bad you are at arguing.

If it's a loved one, maybe they don't want an argument; maybe they want a hug. (Ask.)

Take the Keane Reeves approach to having a relaxed life - don't have any arguments, to paraphrase him "Two plus two equals five? OK great, have a nice day, see you around!"

Start with first principles - who is saying this, and are they correct?

"Ok".

Don't. Stop talking, turn and walk away, never say another work to them. Will piss them off to no end.

There are basically two main possibilities:

1. They're unreasonable.
2. You're unreasonable.

If it's the first one, it doesn't really matter how you respond. The best policy is to avoid dealing with people like that as much as possible.

If it's the second one then you should work on trying to fix it. That's the best way to respond.

"You only seems to ask stupid questions."

"I only happen to always be right when it involves you."

"I grant you the last word."

I know, thank you.

Take the criticism. I usually find that when people I deal with daily say something about me that it isnt out of nowhere.

I remember someone saying that and how much it hurt. Because I feel if I know the answer, I am compelled to share it. I see it as a need on their side that I should fulfill. I am a “how can I fix it” mentality. But some people are complaining or speaking just to be heard. They want commiseration, not answers.

If it’s someone close to you, then speak about it — “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted an answer or suggestion, I feel I should provide if I can. Is that not what you’re looking for?”

If it’s someone else, whose opinion is not necessary, you can make a mental note to let them have their delusions, just maybe not with you around.

I got that from someone as projection - as in, if I didn’t let her say some insulting and inaccurate things and then stomp away, it was supposedly because I had to have the last word.

As far as “you have to be right” I point out that being correct is objective and yes, I’d like to have conversations that make sense. If I’m wrong, tell me how and I’m fine with that. Otherwise, I will indeed say things that I believe are correct and true.

"yep."

Shrug silently

Say nothing. You just beat their argument. Also, relax, let people be wrong. It's kind of funny when people come up to you weeks or months later and admit you were right. If you're right most of the time, but don't argue about it, it kind of fucks with people after a while.

Being quiet.

You recognize the irony of your question, yeah?

Edit: I see that you do, and this question has been asked and answered.

"That makes one of us."

correct

My dad's friend told him this when they were discussing something. My dad pointed out that the other guy was also keeping the discussion going, being just as guilty of wanting to be right as my dad.

Say: "You got damned right"

Look over to one side, do a sideways smile and shrug like Jim does in The Office all the time.

It could also be that you (OP) could be wrong (at least sometimes) but continue to insist that you are correct. But consider that needing to be right is just another way of saying needing to prove other people wrong. That is exhausting and infuriating from the other side to have someone constantly tear you down. It's not being factually correct that's infuriating, it's the attitude that goes along with needing to be correctz because (if it's being pointed out to you in such a manner) it's not done in a friendly way, but an adversarial way.

People usually just want to have fun, friendly, conversations. When someone, sometimes not even the person you're talking to, butts in and keeps insisting your wrong and that you must acknowledge them, it's extremely rude. It derails the conversation to centre around how smart you (think you) are, instead of the topic, in an adversarial way.

I know someone who "had to have the last word". I'm still trying to figure out if he's maybe neurodivergent and honestly doesn't understand, or if he's just an arrogant asshole. But the end result is the same: you come off as a arrogant asshole, and no one will like you for it. Not only does he always "have to be right", he inserts himself when people aren't even talking to him, and won't let other people move on with the conversation until they acknowledge that he's right. It's rude, selfish, and self centred behaviour.

And then he cries himself the victim when people don't like him, which makes everyone dislike him even more.

The fact that you're even asking this question in this way ("how do I be right?" and not "why do people say this?") shows your need to be correct and make someone else wrong, and your victim complex about it. If I knew you in real life, I wouldn't be your friend.

When a person says this, sometimes even if they do it in a positive tone, it's usually a way to verbalize more concrete concerns that you should address. For example, they might feel that you are always dismissing their opinions, that you don't listen to them in general, or they would simply like to get support when they express their views in a group so they get some recognition. In any case, they feel like you can do something to help but may not feel comfortable to express it or may not have fully identified it. If that person is important to you, you should be able to see what they want and take action.

Maybe you don’t always have to be right? Is this coming from people just trying to have a casual conversation? When I’m in that situation I usually just say something basic like “oh interesting!” then move the conversation in a different direction.