this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2024
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Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

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[–] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 115 points 1 month ago

"What is my purpose?"

"You give handies to Elon Musk."

"Oh God."

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 87 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Gross misuse of technology.

We're just going to ignore that there are open source plans online for motorized multi-axis articulated under-desk fleshlight mounts, and a library of videos with 1:1 motion mapping? Plus it has safety controls to ensure it doesn't snap the "cylinder".

Go green! No need for a whole robot when you're only looking to use a single part.

(I mostly just wanted to curse others with knowledge of the robo-vagina. Can't find the github anymore because a bunch of companies got in on it and dominate the search results now)

[–] Pencilnoob@lemmy.world 41 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] themoken@startrek.website 9 points 1 month ago

I love that this exists and I think I know what I'm getting my wife for Christmas

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Oh nice, they've got a Blåhaj one

Image

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

We're just going to ignore that there are open source plans online for motorized multi-axis articulated under-desk fleshlight mounts, and a library of videos with 1:1 motion mapping? Plus it has safety controls to ensure it doesn't snap the "cylinder".

I was not aware, but I'm proud of the community who did that.

[–] reev@sh.itjust.works 61 points 1 month ago (4 children)

"You slipped and fell?"

"Yes."

"Penis first?"

"Yes, now get me out of here."

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 19 points 1 month ago (2 children)

“I don’t know why patients try to lie. It’s not like it’s a big deal”

[patient walks in with a butt object]

“Oh gee, how’d it happen?”

All they gotta do is not ask. I assume it’s not medically relevant. Dude’s got a cucumber in his butt, everybody knows how it happened. What’s the point in asking?

[–] Entropywins@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

You've obviously not had the same sorts of completely innocent accidents I've had throughout my life.

[–] luciferofastora@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Probably to make the patient squirm and see what excuse they come up with so the job isn't as drab?

More seriously, they need to know the circumstances of any accident to be aware of potential other complications or risk factors. That's just a standard question they have to ask.

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[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

Million to one shot, doc. Million to one.

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[–] JackRiddle@sh.itjust.works 45 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Oh god I remember this

[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 38 points 1 month ago (3 children)

It's his penis. The cylinder is his penis.

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's an old meme from Reddit. Guy got his penis stuck in an m&ms tube.

[–] Zorque@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

People have been getting their penis stuck in things for as long as there have been holes.

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

When I was in high school, my biology class did a stream study, and the class funny guy was documenting it with a big vhs camcorder. I was standing next to him when he saw a broken drain pipe sticking out of a wall. He pointed the camera at the pipe, and called to me. "Hey, themeatbridge. See that hole? Don't stick your dick in that hole."

I laughed, because it was funny, and the class also thought it was funny when we watched it later. So funny that it became the thing everyone said to me for about 6 months. "Hey, themeatbridge, see that outlet?" "Hey, the meatbridge, see that taco?" You get the idea. I became known as the guy who has to be told not to stick his dick in things.

It was almost 30 years ago, and I still have ptsd from it.

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

I also agree! I just want to clarify that I knew it was his penis before actually reading this comment because I'm smart too.

[–] pastermil@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

Thanks, Sherlock! We couldn've figured it out without you!

[–] pigup@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There he goes again inventing things that already exist....

[–] Sinatra@lemmings.world 3 points 1 month ago
[–] schema@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago

Just tell the tesla employee that comes with the robot to fake its autonomy to let go.

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 17 points 1 month ago

So long as the robot doesn't accidentally drop raw chicken on the cylinder

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (5 children)

1" diameter

Oof! Self burn.

[–] mrslt@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

I understood that reference.

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is the second post I have seen where someone has their cylinder stuck in something is this a meme now?

[–] NounsAndWords@lemmy.world 44 points 1 month ago (3 children)

There was a reddit thread where a guy clearly got his dick stuck in a M&M mini tube and refused to admit it, referred to it as a "cylinder" stuck in a tube, and really stuck to the bit.

[–] pastermil@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 month ago

Doing God's work.

[–] Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 month ago

Lol, looks like he is still being teased for it.

[–] glitch1985@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

What's a "reddit" grandpa?

[–] hondaguy97386@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 month ago

Well... that escalated quickly.

[–] Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

I'm pretty sure I saw how this turns out on the Orville

[–] uis@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

It's a horn

[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

would a cylinder measurement assumed to be in circumference or diameter?

[–] voracitude@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Well, since he said "diameter" in the post, I think I found your answer.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But what if I went to the Zoolander School for Kids who don't Read Good?

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There is no way you went there, the school was way too small.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I question the effort you put into posting over serving the needs of the colony.

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[–] echodot@feddit.uk 9 points 1 month ago

Neither I think it's just a total surface area so. All sorts of ways to arrange that topology

[–] Baggins@feddit.uk 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

First we had the wankpanzer, now we have the wankrobot.

PS. I would also have accepted wankautomaton, wankpuppet, wankmechanic or wankandroid.

[–] voracitude@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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Sounds like they slipped and fell

[–] unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 month ago

Off-topic but I wonder if the hand could be impervious to vitamin e oil

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 2 points 1 month ago

Oh right that thing. Anyone got a screencap of it?

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

if its just 1 inch i wouldnt worry about it

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