lastfmuser
imagine if people still took last names from their trade like fisher, smith and fletcher. imagine some guy introducing himself to you as jonathan podcaster

scribblestheunicorn
It’s him,,,

Ted Talker

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[–] MudMan@fedia.io 81 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Oh, you guys are thinking small.

Peter Executive (a vassal of Andy CEO). Mary Anesthesiologist. Alice S. Theorist. William Credit Authorizer. James M. Researcher.

The worst part is that, fun as this is, I'm having flashbacks of every time I've said something along the lines of "Matt from HR" and realizing that's how that has always worked.

[–] nicknonya@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Renouned negotiator Matt Fromeichar

[–] MudMan@fedia.io 35 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

"The prefix "from" is how you know a family comes from the old middle class. Rich families used "the", as in "Jane TheCeo or Peter TheChairman."

"Working class families just don't get a prefix. That's why there are so many James Burgerkings out there".

[–] spankinspinach@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 weeks ago

I see Jack TheRipper in a whole new light now

[–] nshibj@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

That's excellent

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago

That's how I always refer to my sysadmin colleagues when talking to others. Chris and Steve Classrooms, Bill Proxmox (née Vmware), and I'm Jack Networks-Linux. Not real names of course.

[–] merc@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

David Searchengineoptimizer, Mary Marykaycosmeticssales, Oleg Disinformationandpropagandabotprogrammer.

[–] MudMan@fedia.io 5 points 3 weeks ago

Nobody thought Disinformationandpropagandabotprogrammer would be a good governor of California, but he ended up being more moderate than expected.

[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 55 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

No one at school was picked on more than Timmy OnlyFans.

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 27 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Timmy Onlyfansson

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[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That's why he started going by Timothy Olyphant in stead.

[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Oh, like Timothy Chaturbate/Chalamet?

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

Or the endboss of funny names: Syphilis Snugglesnatch, oh I mean Bumbleshack Calldispatch, oh I mean Benadryl Lumberjack, ...

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 47 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

We all remember Scam Bankrupt Fraud, right?

[–] nicknonya@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

yea wasn't he the guy from FTX?

[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, the guy who never got out of Bronze in LOL.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

To be fair, I never even got INTO bronze in LOL 🤷

[–] BatrickPateman@lemmy.world 36 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

Peter Unemployed.

Shameless pluck for "Qualityland" by Mark-Uwe Kling.

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[–] 5oap10116@lemmy.world 35 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Look at me, I'm Bobby SitAtMyConputerAllDayAndAgeRapidly

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

We call him Little Bobby Tables.

[–] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago

Always. XKCD. Always.

https://xkcd.com/327/

[–] Gork@lemm.ee 34 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Finally an accurate description for Jessica Fullstack Developer.

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[–] hperrin@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Just ask Tim Apple how that feels.

[–] cheers_queers@lemm.ee 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

one of the podcasts i listen to made a joke about Tim Onion buying Infowars and i am still cracking up over it.

also I'm super upset that someone already took the handle tim_apple on everything😤

[–] cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It's getting harder to discern reality from satire, but Tim Onion has actually been The Onion's CEO's name^*^ ever since he bought that job. And he is trying to buy InfoWars. (And the company formerly known as Twitter has joined Jones' fight to prevent it.)

^*^(his bluesky display name, at least)

[–] cheers_queers@lemm.ee 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

thank you for making this even funnier for me

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[–] folekaule@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Hello, I am Bob Bugmaker, your software developer for this project.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Imagine being the actual John Gamer.

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[–] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 15 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Etymology nerd on YouTube has a video on this! It's basically how we put people in our phones now, such as Alex (neighbor) and Alex (work), two names I actually have saved in my phone. They're more based on relationship than occupation now.

Edit: (neighbor) not (phone)

[–] WarlordSdocy@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That makes sense considering in the past knowing who your town's baker or other role was mattered. Now a days you don't really know the names of the people you get food and things from so it's shifted now to more relationship based.

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[–] lolola@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 3 weeks ago

Dolores del BullshitJob. Or Lola Shitposta.

[–] Zier@fedia.io 11 points 3 weeks ago

Dick Doctor Patrick Porn Star Caroline Creator Dan Designer Evan Entertainment Ian Importer Tim Apple

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

“Sup, I’m Lance Crypto!”

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 11 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

María Tiktoker

John Uberdriver

Sam Gamereviewer

[–] Event_Horizon@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

Shorten them and it works

Maria Toker

John Uber

Sam Vèiwer

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[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 11 points 3 weeks ago

Ohh no look out, it's Tim Moderator

[–] Seasm0ke@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

Hi my name is Colin Support

[–] tiramichu@lemm.ee 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Kailey Influencer

🤮

[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 16 points 3 weeks ago

Influencer isn't a trade name and it will never be, Kailey Advertiser.

[–] nicknonya@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Yosef Tuber

Isha Grammer

Fitzgerald Acebook

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[–] sicarius@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'd be Jimbo Bomber.
A lot cooler sounding than my real name.
I'm an industrial radiographer and usually called bombers.

[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 weeks ago

Dang it and I was hoping you were What Bombs At Midnight.

Surf's up, space ponies! I'm making gravy without the lumps!

[–] StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 3 weeks ago

In the case of coppers it would be pretty convenient since they all go by their surname so they would all be, "Officer Pig", "Sergeant Pig", "Inspector Pig", "Detective Pig"

[–] essell@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Please see the excellent book "Jennifer Government" for a prescient look at where things are heading.

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[–] cheers_queers@lemm.ee 5 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

can someone help me make "janitor" sound like a fancy French name pls

[–] m0darn@lemmy.ca 12 points 3 weeks ago

Custodienne

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

L’engienier du’sanitaccion

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[–] nicknonya@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 weeks ago

Jaques Concierge?

[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 weeks ago

The Management clan is huge.

And in 2027 there was a mass culling of the Private-Equity clan, when the revolution declared the entire family outlaw and they were hunted to the last junior.

It was ordained that the name of Private-Equity should be altogether abolished, and that the whole persons of that clan should renounce their name and take them some other name, and that they nor none of their posterity should call themselves Private-Equity or Investor under pain of death

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