I'm gonna be honest with you, it took me way too long to connect the dots that having a vampire girlfriend implies never eating anything with garlic ever again because she is allergic and/or can't stand the sight or smell of it

Sent from Mdewakanton Dakota lands / Sept. 29 1837

Treaty with the Sioux of September 29th, 1837

"We Will Talk of Nothing Else": Dakota Interpretations of the Treaty of 1837

[–] felipeforte@lemmygrad.ml 13 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

asexual means u don't like people????

even if u don't like the sexing u can have the company 👨‍🦲 😠 ❤ 🇬🇸

[–] propter_hog@hexbear.net 8 points 2 weeks ago

Am ace, have partner. I definitely both need and desire personal connection. I just don't really enjoy sex. Luckily, neither does my partner. We just have fun cuddling and holding hands and whatnot.

[–] oscardejarjayes@hexbear.net 5 points 2 weeks ago

Asexual means they won't really like the garlic bread

[–] buzzardman2@lemmygrad.ml 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Can she turn me into a vampire too?

[–] Kirbywithwhip1987@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yes

[–] Comprehensive49@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Aren't vampires immortal? If so, I see only bonuses by choosing the vampire GF.

If blood is needed to sustain your lifetime, animal blood is a widely-available and nutritious food (as it is basically liquid meat). If you need human blood at some point, you can always feed on capitalists during and after the revolution.

[–] Kirbywithwhip1987@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 2 weeks ago

I'm pretty sure that vampires need exclusively human blood for sustenance but yeah that's not the problem with so much capitalists around.

[–] Erika3sis@hexbear.net 8 points 2 weeks ago

So, a vampire GF, huh?

If this is implying that I would cause a vampire girl to come into existence specifically for the purpose of loving me, then I think that would fundamentally be a very shallow relationship, no different from waifu fanfiction or an AI chatbot. If choosing the vampire GF rather causes someone who was going to become my girlfriend anyways to become a vampire, then I think that would be a very bad thing to do, it would mean that I didn't really love her.

So in either of these cases, I would invariably choose the garlic bread.

There is however a third and much more interesting interpretation of the question, where the vampire girl will exist and will fall in love with me regardless of my own actions, and so the question is really, "A vampire girl has just confessed her love for you. Someone is offering a lifetime supply of nonperishable garlic bread if you turn her down. What do you do?"

...In which case the answer would depend on a lot of specifics. Which is to say, I don't love garlic bread so much that I would right off the 🦇bat🦇 refuse to accommodate someone's hypersensitivities or phobias or allergies to it. So in deciding whether to go out with her, I would first of all hold her to the same standards as anyone else, then, assuming she meets those standards, raise some particular concerns about her vampirism. The fact that she can "turn" people with a bite and can't stand garlic are not dealbreakers for me, but a number of other matters might be, in particular the risk of myself accidentally being "turned" without my consent, and what this would entail. If there was a risk, and the terms of vampirism didn't seem worth that risk, then I would honestly choose the garlic bread.

Otherwise, call me shanari shanari ojousama the way I kyun for the vampire girl

Sent from Mdewakanton Dakota lands / Sept. 29 1837

Treaty with the Sioux of September 29th, 1837

"We Will Talk of Nothing Else": Dakota Interpretations of the Treaty of 1837

[–] Hyperlich@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 2 weeks ago

Does the garlic bread all appear at once? Like my living space is just filled with garlic bread? Or does every piece eaten spawn another piece? Is there a limit to how much garlic bread I can spawn? What if I give the garlic bread to others? Inquiring minds must know.

Either way, garlic bread.

[–] Alunyanners@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Any food gets stale and annoying after a while of having them, so I'll go with the Vampire GF.

(As an asexual myself)

[–] Kirbywithwhip1987@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah even as an ace I like it just casually, but tbh I could live without it unlike for cake for example... So yea.

[–] Alunyanners@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

tbf can you really call yourself ace if you're not an avid cake eater? 😔

[–] Kirbywithwhip1987@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 2 weeks ago

Definitely no

[–] sag@ani.social 4 points 2 weeks ago

Garlic Bread

[–] ComradePupIvy@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 2 weeks ago

Garlic bread hands down without any regret

[–] Sodium_nitride@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 2 weeks ago

As a gay person who doesn't care for garlic bread, this is also a very hard choice for me.

Actually no, I can just donate the garlic bread infinitely and become a modern Jesus