Everyone is really nice to me when I have my kid(s) alone. The guy at the corner store where I get my beer almost always gives a free candy bar, middle-aged women touch my arm and say "good job, dad".
My wife seemingly gets none of this, and if anything maybe some subtle judgement. Is this a universal experience?
Dude, this is a really strange thought process, and I think you might want to interrogate it a little more.
I'm also a thirty something father of multiple children, and sure it's a big responsibility. I also understand your points about risk mitigation. I often joke myself that I used to be a communist but since having kids I'm a liberal, because I find I have far less time for meaningful praxis, and I keep my head lower.
However, it comes off like you're presenting yourself with some binary of I must choose to tacitly support a genocide against brown people because I have kids and gay friends.
That's such a strange calculus. You're imaging a scenario where your life here in the empire are as bad as the life we're imposing on the third world, and you're justifying that world order through this imagined scenario.
Note that I don't care who you or anyone else votes for. I'm only speaking about this rationale.
If you're not doing this, and just looking for more meaningful actions to take, I apologize, and there are hopefully resources people here could point you to.