this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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chapotraphouse
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And much like how every other man has a "crazy girlfriend" story, the truth is usually a long history of neglect and abuse until the woman has enough and fights back the only way she can
Or like, actual unchecked mental illness. My last relationship ended because she wouldn't help herself. It took me a couple of years to realize that she was having problems, and I wasn't equipped to handle it in my early twenties, so it festered. It got so bad that toward the end, she was unrecognizable as the person I first started dating. I don't see a situation where even if she got help that we would have stayed together though.
She found new and interesting ways to hurt me as time went on, and then when I ended it, she couldn't accept it, and kind of harassed me for a while. I mean, she had (at least) an emotional affair complete with dirty texts. I don't see how she had trouble understanding that wasn't going to work with us.
She saw me at a concert months later with the person I ended up marrying and I think she got the picture that I was moved on. She hastily married someone she met at community college, likely because he needed a way to stay in the country legally.
That's the closest thing to a "crazy ex" story I have, and as time softens the wounds I realize she was just a troubled person who was too headstrong to admit she needed help. I have no interest in reaching out, but I genuinely hope she's doing better out there.
The least we can do is give others grace when the pain goes away.
That's real. I've had two ex's with serious mental health issues and most of my friends thought they were "crazy", but they really just needed medication or therapy or for capitalism to die. One of my most recent ex's had some severe mental health issues and depression. Ended up not working out for various reasons.
Sometimes I feel bad when I recount stories from that relationship, because they sound like "crazy ex" stories, but I do think some are funny. One time she wanted to very seriously break up with me because I chose a film for us to watch which I thought she'd like but that she hated because she found it to be too "petit bourgeois". She said she couldn't understand how she could love someone who liked that film. She was a radlib ”commie" by the way, but just really funny shit like that. She wanted to fucking dump me because my film taste was too lib. She told me later she was just upset that we watched that instead of what she wanted to watch with me, but she thought I wouldn't like it so didn't propose it. We ended up watching it later and I really liked it as usual.
Hindsight can make those stories into something we can chuckle about but going through it in the moment is tough. Unfortunately I don't really have any of those "it's funny now" stories about my last ex.
I've never dated a real commie or radlib type. My wife has good opinions but isn't plugged in, and I envy her for it. I always wanted to date someone who was on my level politically. My last ex was what we would call a turbolib now. She meant well, but like most of her actions, they never amounted to anything tangible. She would go to the protest, but she wasn't interested in getting organized beyond that.
This is why I avoid asking anyone out ever. I've got many problems and I can't solve them, I'd rather not burden anyone so I find it best to be lonely.
Time is a good therapist. I think the pros outweigh the cons in these situations. There are plenty of people out there that do have the tools to be a good support system for people who need a little extra.
I had to come to grips with my depression and a few other issues during my marriage. It's made me a better person, and it forced me to put the work in. I did it for me, but I really did it for her. I love her so much and as cliche as it is, she makes me want to be a better person all the time. It didn't happen overnight but I feel like I'm always making progress.
Don't sell yourself short. You deserve to love and be loved
Idk, I just feel incapable of it, I'm so far behind what is "normal" on that front that I feel like an aberration.
I don't fit in with "normal society" either. You just have to find the others.
I'm not trying to be pushy or preachy, I just think anyone wanting to experience love should go for it. there are all kinds of people out there. Chances are there are a lot of people that feel the way you do, or people who are naturally good at lifting people like you up.