this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2024
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chapotraphouse

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I swear to fucking God. I know none of you will believe me. The story of how and where i found it is equally unbelievable. But please…comrades, nothing might be happening right now but watch the news starting tomorrow to see how the butterfly has been set in motion.

Here’s what’s going to happen:

Events will take place tomorrow that will immediately spell doom for the US in its trade war with China, providing the latter with over a trillion in forex reserves. These funds will accelerate a major component of China’s generational plans by the way of financial aid to one country: Venezuela. This investment will restore all of Venezuela’s refineries and in turn, maximize its natural gas production capacity to make it the world’s greatest exporter of energy. The entirety of South America now has full access to cheap energy, and Venezuela’s soft power begins to dominate every latin American country, causing revolutions all over the continent (yes, even in Arg*ntina).

That’s all I can reveal.

Now, let me get to how I know this and the actual communism button:

I entered the subway station at 4:37 pm today. I saw the station clerk behind his desk gesticulating wildly at me. Confused I asked him ‘what’s up?’. Wide eyed he tells me, ‘come here’. I walk behind his desk to find a small red button labeled ‘touch when man in white spandex and clown shoes approaches at 4:27 pm’.

I look at my phone to check the time. I’m stunned. What is going on? I ask him if this is a joke. He says, ‘I thought it was when I clocked into work today…until you arrived.’

‘…Are you going to press the button?’

He does it.

His computer screen instantly changes from Windows 13 or whatever the fuck to KDE. The terminal opens, and reads out the major events for the upcoming years. It signs off with ‘hasta la victoria, siempre’. Nothing at the station seemed to change. Until the next train arrival was an Amtrak that was on time.

It clicked for me. The red button, the punctuality of the Amtrak….I had just pressed the Communism button.

There is zero doubt given the evidence I mentioned. Just enjoy the ride now.

Ask me if you have any questions. Future events, etc

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[–] Lussy@hexbear.net 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Feels like you’re being deliberately obtuse to piss me off. I am not talking about a cartoon, I’m talking about real life.

[–] Aradina@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

In your story the station clerk pressed the button

[–] Lussy@hexbear.net 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He would not have done it without my consent

[–] Aradina@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Lussy@hexbear.net 4 points 2 months ago

You don’t know that