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I was taking my daily mid-morning poop today and while I was wiping, I thought, I wonder how most people wipe.

I tend to wipe while standing up cause it's more comfortable and allows for more cheek-spreaditivity.

So, I beg the question: How does most of Lemmy wipe? Do you wipe while standing up or do you wipe while sitting down? Why?

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[-] DharkStare@lemmy.world 134 points 1 year ago

This question pops up every now and then on social media and it always blows my mind that there are people who wipe standing up. I just don't understand the logistics of it and it seems like it would make things more difficult.

[-] havokdj@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

I wipe in a position that is more like squatting, because standing up clenches the cheeks making it harder to clean, but sitting leaves the possibility of potentially dipping your hand in the toilet bowl.

It is the superior way, embrace the squat wipe.

[-] gnuplusmatt@startrek.website 10 points 1 year ago

potentially dipping your hand in the toilet bowl

Only in those strangely deep american toilets

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[-] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 20 points 1 year ago

I just feel that the International Ass Wiping Authority guidance 27881 should be followed. By standing the cheeks close slightly, which what the hell, why would I want to wipe that. I do understand the white paper, “Stank Bowl finding 87712-b” outlined the wack idea of wiping over the nuclear blast you just left introduces some risk, but it’s not significant enough to stand up and introduce additional ass closing issues.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

We don’t stand that way. It’s “standing” in the sense the butt comes up off the toilet. But the overall posture is still “sitting”.

[-] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 11 points 1 year ago

Ok so the Council of Auditable Shats (1998 conference) did mention this is a good hybrid deployment model.

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[-] Yokozuna@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Makes me think about the video with the huuuuge bulky black man thought everyone pooped in their hands and caress it gently into the water.

[-] GenesisJones@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

For the life of me I cannot tell if that was a bit or not

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[-] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 57 points 1 year ago

I installed a bidet during the big Covid lockdown. Now, I just do a little butt bounce and drip dry a moment. Then while sitting, just need 4 squares to pat dry.

[-] Tehgingey@lemmy.ca 26 points 1 year ago

Bidet is the way. Absolute game changer and saves money on TP!

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[-] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Bidet is the way.

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[-] AlmightySnoo@lemmy.world 43 points 1 year ago

obligatory Cyanide & Happiness comic:

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[-] manapropos@lemmy.basedcount.com 26 points 1 year ago

Sitting down, back to front while pulling my sack out of harm’s way

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[-] legion@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Bidet standing up. Making it brown rain.

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[-] toxicbubble@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

i sit and wipe like anyone over the age of 8

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[-] MuhammadJesusGaySex@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago

I wipe captain Morgan style. Standing up, with one foot up on the toilet seat. That way I can scrape up in there.

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[-] Nemo@midwest.social 18 points 1 year ago

Sit for the broad strokes, stand for the detail work. One foot up on the sink when standing, not bent over forward.

[-] bestnerd@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago

What kind of shits are you taking where there’s a ceremony involved

[-] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

This must be fun in public restrooms

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[-] FARTYSHARTBLAST@kbin.social 15 points 1 year ago

Sitting, why tf would you stand? I'm already seated and standing up is totally unnecessary.

[-] Razputinsgirth@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago

My ass and thighs are where most of my weight is stored so there's very little room to stick my hand in without neatly moving my dick and balls outta the way

[-] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 1 year ago
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[-] School_Lunch@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

My favorite place to shit is at home because that means I don't have shoes on and can slip one leg out of my pants allowing me to spread my legs more. Wiping while sitting allows you to incorporate using the seat to help keep your cheeks spread. The first wipe is a light touch so as not smash and smear but still catch any dingleberries. Second wipe is placing folded square over the hole and using a finger to work into any skin folds or creases. Continue as needed...

Additional tip. Slip one arm out of your shirt so it doesn't accidentally rub against the seat hinges or back of the lid.

Also when involving shits of the more liquid variety, don't forget to wipe your cheeks. Liquid will run down to the lowest point before dripping, and this can often be far away from the hole.

[-] harpuajim@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 year ago
[-] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 1 year ago

there's people for everything, imagine the most bonkers absurd but still vaguely feasible thing and at least 10 people out there consider it to be the norm and find not doing it equally absurd.

[-] harpuajim@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago

Yea I guess there's someone who read this thread and thought "people wipe sitting down?"

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[-] SirEDCaLot@lemmy.fmhy.net 12 points 1 year ago

Use a bidet. The idea sounds weird- a toilet that sprays water up your ass. I wasn't sure it was for me. Then I tried it. Holy fuck game changer. FULLY clean EVERY time.
But yeah, sitting down. Finish the dump, run the bidet, then wipe to dry, all while sitting.

[-] theKalash@feddit.ch 12 points 1 year ago

What? Is this some kind of obesity problem?

[-] jerryjigglemeyer@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

I'm actually fairly fit. I just always felt more comfortable standing and wiping than sitting down

[-] theKalash@feddit.ch 6 points 1 year ago

The real shit (pun intended) is having a bidet and not buying into big toilet paper.

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[-] Kalkaline@leminal.space 11 points 1 year ago

You mean y'all don't use a towel on the edge of the bathtub?

[-] Gumbyyy@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

Wait, you guys are wiping? /s

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[-] rolofox@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 year ago

Standing up I feel like I clean better, I don't understand the mechanic of doing so while sitting, I mean do you pass the TP under your balls and wipe? Or do you lift your butt a little and wipe thru the gap?

Also considering buying a bidet.

[-] BzzBiotch@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Prefer sitting down. Got me trusty rag on a stick.

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this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2023
88 points (82.4% liked)

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