Thanks bro : funny

[–] QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 day ago

Bro looks like he Superman, they should have had him play Superman at some point

Instead of whatever the hell Man of Steel was

[–] Jhex@lemmy.world 34 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is what "blind to privilege" means.... LOL

[–] Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 13 points 2 days ago (10 children)

I have had more than one. I am autistic with an anxiety disorder and ptsd and I had guys who aren't those things always talk to me about girls like I am super pick up master just because inam decently looking and in shape. They way they talked about their experiences made me kinda not want any, too...

And no matter how much I tried to explain my situation when asking for advice they just gave sabotaging and extremely vague advice that doesn't mean anything. I wasted away my 20s and a large part of my 30s because of shit like that.

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 27 points 1 day ago (8 children)

The best advice is "women are people too, not some mystical being from outer space". They feel the same emotions, they get hungry, they get horny, they get anxious or shy too."

Look for people who think similarly to you. I found it that I mesh well with other people who are on the spectrum, have adhd, etc. Ultimately nothing matters when you can't approach someone, or go out of your way to find hobbies where you can find people with the same interests as you. So if you can't get over that (or accept a rejection), it won't work.

Also, don't focus on a single person, especially someone who doesn't return feelings / attention, or doesn't have time for you at all. Even the busiest person will find a tiny bit of time to meet with you if they really like you. Obsessing over a single person for years isn't the way to find love. Quoting a song by Tim Minchin, "your love is one in a million, but it doesn't mean that the other 999 999 loves wouldn't be equally nice". If you find someone who returns your feelings, you mesh with well, hold on for dear life.

[+] blarghly@lemmy.world -9 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

The best advice is “women are people too, not some mystical being from outer space”. They feel the same emotions, they get hungry, they get horny, they get anxious or shy too."

Honestly, this is terrible advice for guys who are having trouble with women.

I only have real experience being me, and interacting with other people, for knowledge of what "people" are.

Let's say I'm in the park shooting hoops alone. I see someone else walking around in the park, not looking busy or in a hurry. I could wave at them and say "hey, wanna shoot some hoops?"

When I see a woman I'm attracted to, I want to fuck her. Personality, interests, etc - those are all nice and all. Those are things that make me want to hang out with a girl, spend time with her, talk to her. But if she has big tits and a thin waist, my penis says "hey, we should fuck her", and say "what a great idea, Penis!"

So based on my own personal internal experience of being human, my experience interacting with other humans in other contexts, and your advice that "women are just people" - what I should do is see a woman in the park, wave at her, and say "hey, wanna fuck?"

However, based on every other piece of information I have about how to interact with women, I am led to believe that I should not do this. So if women are just people, but I shouldn't interact with them in a way which is very understandable to me, then that must mean that I am not a normal person. That there is something wrong with me.

Now, based on the fact that I've already written this much, and the sheer fact that I'm here on Lemmy, this is probably a valid assumption. But sexually, it is not. Sexually, I'm a pretty normal guy. Guys are mostly aroused by people's physical forms and want sex immediately, with emotional connection being lower on the list of immediate priorities. This is very obvious if you simply look at a gay man's Grindr, where many men set a picture of their asshole as their leading profile pic and allow other users to see their location down to the meter so they can fuck Right. Now.

The reality is, men and women are different. At this point the gender studies crowd usually jumps in and says something about "gender essentialism", or about how "everyone is different." Great, everyone is different. But there are some broad trends we can observe, and for the purposes of heteronormative dating, we can fairly easily divide the world into men, women, and other, where "other" are largely irrelevant to the discussion since - if we are giving advice to heterosexual men - either you don't want to fuck them, or they don't want to fuck you. So we talk about men and women, and how you as a man should interact with women so that they will want to fuck you.

In order for a guy to improve at being fuckable, he needs to understand that women are different than him. That they want and expect different things. And this is fine. Yeah, women are people. But they are also women, and if you want to date women, you need to treat women like women like to be treated when they date someone.

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 7 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

Read it again, women are people too. What your approach is, is to think of them as objects to fuck, a different category to "people". You have your own issues to work through. Don't use people as means to an end.

No, you aren't pretty normal to think of everyone as "someone to fuck" and instead of saying "hey want to throw hoops together" to a woman too, you would say "want to fuck". That's asocial behavior.

And no, it doesn't matter that women and men have differences.

So yeah, drop this toxic line of thinking first.

[–] Malfeasant@lemmy.world 1 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

So now you are treating this person as not a person... Good talk.

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 1 points 19 hours ago

I don't know where you got that from, but you do you

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world -2 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

I don't think of women as objects to fuck, because the feeling of horniness is an emotion which emerges before rational thought. Rational thought is plastered over our emotions post-hoc. That's how the brain works.

And what I described is how my sexuality works. If that offends you, well... That's your problem. I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't choose and can't change. And if we're going to have a discussion about how dating works, then I'm not going to lie.

No, you aren’t pretty normal to think of everyone as “someone to fuck”

Then why do all dating sites put pictures front and center?

and instead of saying “hey want to throw hoops together” to a woman too, you would say “want to fuck”. That’s asocial behavior.

Asocial is when you don't socialize. Asocial behavior would be not talking to anyone. What you are thinking of is antisocial behavior - behavior which violates social norms. And that's my point. There are social norms around asking women to have sex which don't exist around basketball or asking men to have sex, because men and women are different.

And no, it doesn’t matter that women and men have differences.

So you would tell a man to make a dick pic his lead photo on Tinder? Because that's what they do on Grindr.

So yeah, drop this toxic line of thinking first.

Toxic thinking is denying reality and trying to invalidate someone else's sexuality because it contradicts your political views.

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 4 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

"I am not going to stop thinking of women as fuck objects and treat them as people, and if that offends you that's your problem"

I'm not "offended" by you, I'm telling you to change your thought patterns and stop being an incel in every sense of the word. No wall of text will excuse this line of thinking, or make it okay. I'm done talking with you - it's obvious you suffer from being chronically online and not understanding how to interact with people.

[–] UnsavoryMollusk@lemmy.world 2 points 19 hours ago

So when my wife wants to fuck me she sees me as an object ? But she never wants to fuck object though ?

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 0 points 17 hours ago

I'm ethically non-monogamous and am currently sleeping with multiple different women with their very enthusiastic consent. The fact that I understand and can speak frankly and honestly about my sexuality - as well as anything else on my mind - is a turn on for them because it means that they can understand how I'm feeling and appreciate that I am relating to them authentically.

They don't feel dehumanized by the fact that I think they are hot. They feel sexy and appreciated. And they understand that having sexual urges towards someone doesn't mean they can't also be human. Really, being sexually attracted to others and wanting others to be sexually attracted to you is one of the fundamental experiences of being human.

There is a stereotypical male sexuality which is based primarily around physical appearance. And there is a stereotypical female sexuality based around personality. These are not strictly limited to one gender or another, but the stereotypes exist for a reason - because the correspond with broad demographic trends. I have a stereotypically male sexuality. I understand and accept that the women I sleep with have a different sexuality in some ways. So I try to understand what they want, and give it to them, because I like seeing them happy. And they try to understand what I want and give it to me, because they like seeing me happy. We are different in some ways and similar in others, and that's part of what makes spending time with each other fun. So no, I'm not going to apologize or feel bad about my sexuality.

load more comments (7 replies)

load more comments (9 replies)

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 48 points 2 days ago (8 children)

i mean people tend to like confidence, also you get to stop wallowing in ignorance. conventionally attractive or not, either they say yes or no and then you get to move forward from there. going from not knowing to knowing, that is a positive.

[–] Saleh@feddit.org 29 points 2 days ago (7 children)

You should know when it is appropriate to ask and when not:

Don'ts:

complete strangers
people who cannot retreat, e.g. cashiers, waiters and the like, on a busy train/bus in an elevator etc.
people clearly not in a space to socialize.
asking for sex
being ambigious about intentions

Do's:

people you held a normal conversation with before
in a space where they are comfortable and either party can leave easily if things get awkward
being clear about it being a date
public place with individual privacy, e.g. going out for a coffee
no alcohol or other drugs

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 0 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Gotta say, this looks like a recipe for hamstringing yourself. Be confident. Be respectful. Accept that you'll get rejected, sometimes harshly, and that you just have to get back out and try again.

Like, seriously, you shouldnt introduce yourself to a woman at a party who is having a drink? I know we're on Lemmy, but that's still a pretty autistic take on human social interactions.

[–] Saleh@feddit.org 1 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago) (1 children)

Did you even read what it wrote? Nowhere do i say that.

If you only strike conversations with people at a party with the intent of getting into their pants, you will not be invited to many parties. If you hold a conversation and then start to like each other, asking for a date is something different.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 0 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Sorry, I should have also added: don't be autistic.

Yeah, have other conversations. Meet people. Have a good time at a party. And then when you see someone hot, say hi and flirt with them, and then go by vibe and see if they wanna jump in the sack with you.

You said "no alcohol or drugs". You're aware that a shit ton of relationships start in bars, clubs, house parties, music festivals, etc? You just explicitly excluded one of the most common scenarios where people do their mating dances.

[–] Saleh@feddit.org 0 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

My experience is that such relationships usually end badly and quickly. Also sleeping around is not curing being an "incel". It is just masking the insecurity, lack of maturity and lack of responsible behavior.

However if you meet at a bar and decide to meet for a date later, having alcohol or drugs involved in that date also is a huge red flag. That means the person doing drugs has issues with their emotional regulation. Also especially for women doing drugs with some relatively unknown men is increasing the risk of being date-raped.

If you aren't a creep, don't do creepy shit. Involving alcohol and other drugs definitely is worse for everyone involved than being sober.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

Okay, you are seriously terminally online. "Let's grab a drink" is a classic first date. I can go to literally dozens of bars tonight and see tons of people out on first dates over a reasonable amount of alcohol. Like, Jesus fucking Christ you're off the deep end if you think this constitutes creepy behavior.

load more comments (6 replies)

load more comments (7 replies)

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 108 points 2 days ago (18 children)

..yes? That's what you have to do. Maybe she says no. Maybe she says yes. Doing nothing definitely won't get you anywhere.

[–] Malfeasant@lemmy.world 1 points 10 hours ago

Doing nothing definitely won't get you anywhere.

Not necessarily true, I've never been conventionally attractive, but I've had women approach me multiple times, in fact all but one (out of... 6 I guess) of my long term relationships were initiated by the woman... Of course that was when I was young, now I'm 50 and going through a divorce, I'm not holding my breath...

[–] Eheran@lemmy.world 63 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The issue is the "always works for me", the same way an old white man is going to have a lot less trouble with the police or telling a handicapped person to just walk the stairs because it "always works for me".

load more comments (1 replies)

load more comments (16 replies)

[–] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 45 points 2 days ago (9 children)

Sooooo..... we're doing incel shit posting now?

This sort of black pill doomerism seriously destroys your mental health. You don't have to be a Chad to find a girlfriend friends, but thinking your not "conventionally attractive" enough to date is a self fulfilling prophecy.

load more comments (9 replies)

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 55 points 2 days ago (15 children)

So I recently found out my ex wife had a type. A type she desperately wanted me to fit into. A type that she would make me go to clothing stores for specific shirts that look good on pretty much no one but Henry Cavill.

I did not look like Henry Cavill. Turns out around the time we divorce she goes through this phase swooning over Henry Cavill. Then she cheats on me with a dude I don't know the name of (except I've unfortunately seen his dick) and low and behold he has this kind Henry Cavill build.

Fast forward several years to now. I lost about 100lbs. Started lifting. Getting swole cause it was fun now that my body was smaller. Ate more protein, added creatine. Drink lots of water. I need different shirts. I dig out some old shirts, the only ones that sort of fit well are the ones she got at clothing stores that look good on pretty much no one but Henry Cavill. Turns out they still don't look good on me, not because I'm not Henry Cavill, but I'm not a fuckboy.

[–] Malfeasant@lemmy.world 1 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Then she cheats on me with a dude I don't know the name of (except I've unfortunately seen his dick)

This seems like it could be an interesting story, do you mind sharing?

For some... solidarity? Doesn't seem like the right word but whatever... I know the name of the guy my wife cheated on me with - he's our son's best friend's dad.

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 1 points 9 hours ago

If you dig through my comment history I'm sure I've given the whole story in various bits and pieces with more details and less details.

Essentially we were young. I ignored so many red flags, started thinking with my weiner, she love bombed me, I did what she wanted, she cheated, we separated then tried to make it work, and I later found out she had either not ended the affair or kept it to sexting only and low and behold dick pics.

It's a sad story, but also a very good lesson to not listen to never stick your dick in crazy.

[–] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 2 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

Real talk, I thought this was going to end with you going to Henry Cavill's house to punch him in his perfect jaw, followed by an enemies to lovers twist.

This is still good though. I guess.

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 2 points 18 hours ago

That would have been a better ending.

And quite possibly a viable ending. He's a nerd, I'm a nerd. He plays Warhammer 40k I paint Warhammer 40k minis. He likes to act, I used to like to act. He works out. I started working out.

Hell, we might be the kind of dudes to be actually good friends. My ex would probably use the connection to try and get with him, and he could like turn her down. That'd be more awesome than I could ever imagine.

[–] BigDiction@lemmy.world 36 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I searched this text because I thought it might be copypasta. Great read lmao

load more comments (2 replies)

load more comments (12 replies)

[–] TomMasz@piefed.social 15 points 2 days ago

Let's be honest. Henry doesn't have to ask.

Funny