this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2024
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That's right CEOs please get behind the wheel drunk and back your Tesla into a retaining pond.

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[–] Cherufe@hexbear.net 63 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] Rom@hexbear.net 31 points 7 months ago

Did they get her sperm in time?

[–] zed_proclaimer@hexbear.net 61 points 7 months ago (3 children)

she and her billionaire friends just got done with a Pitbull concert and she drunkenly drove her Tesla into a lake

The rich are honestly parodies of themselves. How did she not die of cringe before dying of drowning?

[–] Mokey@hexbear.net 41 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Lmao you have infinite money and the worst fucking taste god

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 28 points 7 months ago

What do you mean? Billionaires have very good taste, not at all gaudy!

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[–] DivineChaos100@hexbear.net 22 points 7 months ago

ngl if i would have to suffer through a pitbull show id do the same.

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[–] LibsEatPoop@hexbear.net 57 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Queen. The Lisan al-Gaib of CEOs. The Muad'Dib of dying. Let her be the first of many.

[–] zed_proclaimer@hexbear.net 26 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The Qwitzatch Haderach of drunk driving

[–] Smeagolicious@hexbear.net 19 points 7 months ago

Off the shits on water of life behind the wheel of a Tesla Heighliner

[–] AutomatedPossum@hexbear.net 54 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Honestly, i wasn't expecting otherwise. My experience with people who can afford a good lawyer is that they already care a lot less about DUIs, and i doubt this gets any better when you can just hire somebody to drive you if your license gets revoked.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 44 points 7 months ago (2 children)

If I was wealthy you wouldn't catch me ever driving myself.

[–] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 31 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If I was wealthy I would be able to live someplace where I never need to drive

[–] Thordros@hexbear.net 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If I was wealthy you wouldn't know I existed. I'd be on hour 7300 of playing Factorio.

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[–] POKEMONGOTOTHEGULAG@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

But what about the wroom wroom

[–] take_five_seconds@hexbear.net 15 points 7 months ago (2 children)

teslas make a shitty whine sound anyway

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[–] BioWarfarePosadist@hexbear.net 37 points 7 months ago

I've heard night mare stories about the Walton's and DUIs. Seems the only way a cop can get fired and never rehired is if they pull over an American noble.

[–] zed_proclaimer@hexbear.net 12 points 7 months ago

Plus she was driving a Tesla, she probably thought the self-driving would be sufficient

[–] CDommunist@hexbear.net 53 points 7 months ago

Drunk Driving is proven once again to be the best feature of American culture

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 42 points 7 months ago
[–] kristina@hexbear.net 37 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Poseidon is on our side, comrades pseudorca

[–] Goblinmancer@hexbear.net 33 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Billionares are so frugal now they wont even hire drivers

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 16 points 7 months ago

Got to afford their 20th mega yacht somehow

[–] Thordros@hexbear.net 31 points 7 months ago

Skill issue.

I would simply not drunk drive a Musk Murder Machine into a pond. But maybe I'm just built different.

chonky-bear

[–] abc@hexbear.net 29 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Thank you comrade bottle of Josh rat-salute-2

[–] abc@hexbear.net 27 points 7 months ago (1 children)

A video of the exterior of the south side camera captures Chao at 11:37 p.m. walking “unsteadily to her vehicle while continuing to hold her cellular phone in her right hand,” according to the report.

Chao is later seen entering her Tesla. The report stated that the camera then captured the car lurching toward a wooden barrier, reversing, turning to the left without stopping, and over the top of the limestone block wall. Afterward, the vehicle entered the water. A minute later, the vehicle’s lights were no longer visible.

Also lmao why didn't she just WALK?? she had to drive?? she was on her property!! she could've just left the car and walked the like quarter of a mile!! I'm assuming her 'ranch' is huge as shit and the guest house is far away but still.....I would've just walked rip-bozo-grave

[–] Mokey@hexbear.net 19 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Where can we see the footage tho

[–] abc@hexbear.net 22 points 7 months ago

if this story plays out for another news cycle I'm sure we'll see it sooner or later. "TRAGIC LAST MOMENTS OF ANGELA CHAO. FRIENDS ARE STILL WONDERING IF THERE WAS ANY FOUL PLAY" on Fox

[–] DickFuckarelli@hexbear.net 28 points 7 months ago

What if Musk is secretly a class traitor trying to kill off his own kind, but Teslas killing normies was an unintended side effect?

think-about-it

[–] take_five_seconds@hexbear.net 26 points 7 months ago
[–] operacion_ogro@hexbear.net 26 points 7 months ago

Comrade alcohol is invading the bloodstreams of the rich

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 26 points 7 months ago (1 children)

In 2009 she married a billionaire. He died a few months later. And then in 2012 she married another billionaire.

Angela Chao

Personal life

Chao married Bruce Wasserstein in January 2009, just months before his death in October of that year. She married Jim Breyer in 2012.

Also - as her car was sinking - she was on the phone to her friend for eight minutes.

Death

On the evening of February 10, 2024, Chao was celebrating the Lunar New Year with friends at her Johnson City ranch. As her guests began going home, she got into her Tesla Model X and accidentally backed into a pond. The car began sinking. Unable to open her door or to break the glass, the car filled with water. Chao was on the phone for eight minutes as the car sank, from around 11:42 to 11:50 p.m., telling her friend she was going to die. Onlookers called 911 and attempted to help.

Blanco County emergency personnel arrived around midnight and tried to enter the car. A deputy broke the driver’s door window and went underwater where he found Chao and dragged her to shore. EMS workers were unable to revive her, and she was pronounced dead at 1:40 a.m. on February 11; she was 50 years old. A March 2024 police investigation concluded that Chao's blood alcohol level was three times above the legal limit, and that her death was the result of an accident.

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago (5 children)

Bruh 8 minutes with bystanders and nobody could break a god damn window? Go get a hammer for fuck's sake.

[–] FloridaBoi@hexbear.net 16 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Tempered glass doesn’t break easily which is why it’s useful to have those special pointed hammers for breaking windows in the car.

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 19 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I know that but any nearby house would have a forked hammer surely. Go smash down doors. All social rules disappear when a life or death emergency exists fuck everything else, you go and bash someone's door down and scream what you need at them. If you can't swing that thing under water properly place the sharp point on the surface and kick it.

I don't understand how people can lack action in an emergency like this. Half these bystanders probably stood around watching instead of trying to do something.

[–] Mokey@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago

Maybe they realized she deserved to die that way

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[–] DamarcusArt@lemmygrad.ml 14 points 7 months ago

You really expect them to get their formal suits wet?! Disgusting!

[–] SoyViking@hexbear.net 11 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Live your life in a way such that when you crash your bazingamobile into a pond people around you will actually want to save you.

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[–] betelgeuse@hexbear.net 24 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Getting absolutely blasted on sangria, trapping myself inside a giant bug zapper, and reversing into a lake.

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[–] glans@hexbear.net 21 points 7 months ago (2 children)

my first thought when I originally read the story was that she was probably hammered. "out with friends" or whatever--- intended to humanize her but we all know what that means.

the other thing I don't understand is why there was apparently a pond next to a driveway or something. hindsight's 20/20 but shouldn't you put some kind of barrier between the driving area and the water?

[–] FloridaBoi@hexbear.net 19 points 7 months ago

With the quick acceleration of those things, idk if an aesthetically pleasing barrier would’ve made any difference. She probably did an “unintended acceleration” i.e. brake misapplication

[–] bennieandthez@lemmygrad.ml 14 points 7 months ago

She was hammered, pond mightve been at a safe distance.

[–] Hello_Kitty_enjoyer@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago

God I love alcohol

[–] Des@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago

you are a billionaire have someone custom synthesize some GABA-B partial agonist synthahol or just do ketamine like the rest

[–] Voidance@hexbear.net 18 points 7 months ago (4 children)

Is it common for doors and windows not to work in this situation or is this just Tesla being a death machine?

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[–] 420blazeit69@hexbear.net 17 points 7 months ago

Skill issue

[–] EatPotatoes@hexbear.net 16 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Isn’t it weird how she didn’t have a driver?

Are they getting that scared of us?

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[–] Grandpa_garbagio@hexbear.net 16 points 7 months ago
[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 15 points 7 months ago
[–] ksynwa@lemmygrad.ml 13 points 7 months ago

A cold plunge would have helped to take her out of it

[–] barrbaric@hexbear.net 13 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

She just thought the pond was full of wine and her car would want a drink.

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