this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2022
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I stole gay porn from work (follow up) (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by Zuzak@hexbear.net to c/memes@hexbear.net
26 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Several people asked for a follow up after I asked if I should do it. Well, I did it. It didn't go quite as smoothly as it did in my head, but the important thing is that I saved the yaois and didn't get caught. Gay crime committed successfully

:mission-accomplished::mission-accomplished-1::mission-accomplished-2::mission-accomplished:

Posting about it might be dumb, but even if someone doxxed me, nobody else at work knew it existed so I'm pretty sure they'd just look like a crazy person. If anyone asks, I made this story up for Hexbear clout, also it was a satirical parody about capitalism's wasteful tendencies, also it all happened in Minecraft.

Another funny angle to this story: years ago, I lived in Japan for a bit, and collected way too much stuff and tried to ship it back in a huge overstuffed box. The box burst open, and I lost most of what was in it - including some NSFW yuri stuff. Once, my gay porn wound up in the hands of a random warehouse worker. Now, I'm a random warehouse worker, and someone else's gay porn has wound up in my hands. The circle is now complete, the cosmic balance is restored. Just like the Biblical story of Job, the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away :theory-gary:

I'm not quite at a place where I can inspect my haul throughly, so I will provide more details on this story as it develops.

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[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I didn't post this in the original thread but my first thought was that if you get caught with it you should just be blatantly and openly honest.

"I am stealing gay porn from work because it seemed like a funny story to be able to tell people I stole gay porn from work." :gigachad:

I honestly think a lot of workplaces would be sympathetic to this blatant level of honesty when they are forced into a managerial discussion as absurd as "what do we do about the employee we caught stealing gay porn?". But yeah it depends on the management.

Anyway, grats on your gay hentai.

[–] KurtVonnegut@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

Once, my gay porn wound up in the hands of a random warehouse worker. Now, I’m a random warehouse worker, and someone else’s gay porn has wound up in my hands. The circle is now complete, the cosmic balance is restored.

All according to ~~keikaku~~ the immortal science of dialectical materialism.

[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

I know everyone's dying to know what I got, but they're proving tough to track down.

Unfortunately the Code Geass has SA, looks like it's one of those ones that uses it as a tragic backstory. There is one that's not explicit, and also has the most info in English:

spoiler

VANILLA-TEI
PRESENTS
2002
1228

 I'M SLAVE 4U
 LOVELESS
 RITSUKA+SOUBEI+SEIMEI+KIO

The back cover has a catboy in a skirt.

Idk anything about Loveless. I assume the numbers mean it was published December 28, 2002. Given the date, it may not even be on the internet.

Most of them are from Loveless, actually. The dates range from 2002 (the spoilered one) to 2009 (the Code Geass one, for one).

~~It's not unusual for us to get stuff after it's been sitting in a warehouse for years. I've seen some real old tech come through, like old school typewriters even. 2009 was, coincidentally, only a few years before my trip to Japan, so if their collection was a few years old, it's possible they lost it around the same time.~~ The MHW art book that was with it means it was more recent.

The material is all in Japanese, which I've mostly forgotten. It's all guy-on-guy and ranges from some stuff that looks cutesy and romantic, to some stuff that's very explicit.

On the explicit end

there's one called "Miracle Norton" (translated) and it says in English, "B'sLOG Collection." It's from 2007 and has stuff about a "CD-ROM mini game." The CD isn't there, but there are postcards included with chibi characters. It's not a doujin like the others, it looks like it's an art book, I'm guessing for a porn game.

[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Apparently the main relationship in Loveless is between a 12 year old and a 20 year old :libertarian-approaching: :cringe:

But none of the Loveless stuff is actually explicit, at least.

[–] wtypstanaccount04@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

Classic Japan moment :japan-cool:

[–] forcequit@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

:why-shouldnt-i:

[–] buh@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago (2 children)

you'll never get posts like this anywhere else

[–] ssjmarx@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I can't shake the nagging feeling that this is fake like every :reddit-logo: story, but I want to believe that we're niche enough that we haven't attracted that kind of attention.

[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I don't have a way to prove it and I wouldn't share it if I did, but if it was fake, I'd be proud of coming up with it.

[–] wtypstanaccount04@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

prove it by posting pics (hosted somewhere not on hexbear :hentai-free: )

[–] space_comrade@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

This truly is premium Internet content. Glad to know the old web is still somewhat alive.

[–] American_Communist22@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

:lets-fucking-go:

[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

🎵 You don't know, what it's like, you don't have a clue 🎵

🎵 If you did, you'd find yourself, stealing the gay porn too! 🎵

[–] VolcelPolice@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Stealing? Based

Porn? :volcel-judge:

[–] GorbinOutOverHere@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Volcel police should support porn because every orgasm via masturbation is one less orgasm via intercourse

[–] barrbaric@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Volcel doctrine is for all bodily fluids to be kept inside, citizen. No exceptions. :volcel-judge:

[–] nat_turner_overdrive@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

that means no pissin', folks, so shape the hell up

[–] GVAGUY3@hexbear.net 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

In 2000 years, some Hobbits will go on a quest to cast this gay porn into the fires of Mt Doom

[–] BynarsAreOk@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

More like the radioactive cockroaches in 2 million years.

[–] TheSpectreOfGay@hexbear.net 0 points 2 years ago (2 children)

wow i cant believe you made this up for clout and are not planning to steal more things (which would be very awesome and cool btw)

[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

I'm thinking this fictional story could be an inspiration for a whole fictional novel.

You know, for NaNo.

[–] Swoosegoose@hexbear.net 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You're posting on Hexbear, the site that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

[–] TheSpectreOfGay@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

That's very true, I would never advocate someone steal something on my favorite liberal website hexbear.net

[–] EndMilkInCrisps@hexbear.net 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

What kind of porn is it?

[–] American_Communist22@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

:hexbear-gay-pride: