I've come to a realization, one which makes me angry that I didn't realize it sooner; Angry at g*mers , and myself . Because it turns out that "gitting gud" is an inherently ableist sentiment... sometimes.

Before you generate the ultimate PPB takedown comment, let me share this story and explain some of my reasoning. I think even people who are pro-"git gud" will agree with me here.

I find myself, shortly (ish) before posting this post, playing Terraria, again, for the first time in a while. I've progressed throughout almost the entirety of the game, with some overwhelming and tricky bosses that I ultimately learned to understand still despite their difficulty. Or so my copium was. In retrospect, I think I got lucky.

Now, Moon Lord , the evil cryptobro brother of Cthulu. Final boss of the vanilla game. I had 1 mod installed but it was entirely irrelevant to this, a rare example of a mod that's actually balanced and I encouraged me to mostly use just vanilla gear. I fight him, equipped with best in class equipment, a prepped arena with heart lanterns, a heart statue, campfires... And, one... two... three... four... six?!? times I tried, all without even properly reaching his second phase. I sort of went through the stages of grief here, propelled by an unyielding resolve to "git gud" and power through, all until the final sixth fight, where my resolve shatters and I furiously begin searching online for why this boss is so much absurdly harder than I remember when I have defeated him before, and whether others also felt so overwhelmed and at the mercy of luck while fighting him. I find others complaining, not about his difficulty, but about the form that difficulty takes. The sheer projectile spam, the overwhelming saturation of different attack patterns and laser beams and summoned enemies all at once. And of course, I find the typical GitGud statements, but I do my best to ignore them. I think about my issues... the overload of... oh it's the autism. And it all comes falling down.

It's taken me YEARS to realize that I have such a frustrating time in so many games, not because I suck at the game, not because I've chosen bad gear, not even because the games even necessarily all that difficult... But because it was built for someone with a greater ability to digest and dispose of sensory information than me. It was made for a fully abled neurotypical audience without any sensory processing issues, and I've been acting as if I am that audience despite knowing full well I'm not, that my sensory bandwidth is absurdly tiny compared to your average person.

So it all makes sense why I suck. But why didn't I realize sooner?

Because of "git gud" culture. No, not the phrase, though it is misused extremely often. But the general assumption that any issue someone may have completing a game is inherently one of motivation or laziness when it comes to practicing a skill, or because of some trivial mistake in analysis (wrong equipment, wrong abilities chosen, wrong character types...), and in the process ignoring the very real ways that people can simply be cut out of a game that might seem very accessible to a layman. And I think this isn't merely rooted in ableism. I mean, it is rooted in ableism, but it's also sourced from a non-holistic view of video games, from a perspective that the actual physical and material state of the person playing is irrelevant to how and what they play. That, then, is the reason why "git gud" and other such statements often feel so hostile and out of place, and are often used in such ableist and inconsiderate ways. It's not because telling "git gud" to someone who is actually enjoying learning the game but feels discouraged to for whatever reason is wrong. It's because g*mere responding "git gud" to every post critical of their game treats reveals their actual belief: That it is impossible for someone to struggle with a game for any reason other than their own inherent, often characterized as moral, failings.

So now I know. I need to stop trying to force myself to play games that simply aren't... designed for me. It sucks, but it makes a lot of sense, and I doubt any game company is going to be making games less overwhelming anytime in the future on my or anyone else's request- The legions of braying g*mer hogs demand that only they, the white cishet neurotypical men, can be allowed to actually enjoy the game.

Is this all just cope? Idk. Maybe a little? But would that even be bad? Maybe, but given how g*mers generally are, I think my theory on their behavior has some merit.