[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 2 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

I'm not beating myself up about it right now, I'm worried this behavior is going to continue and get worse. Probably, it causes a lot of things. No, no one offline. I'm not sure what I can do.

[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 4 points 12 hours ago

I'm pretty sure dysphoria is causing depression for me. It's hell and I don't know how to get out. It feels hopeless.

Broke my clean streak yesterday too.

Also I've just been throughly angry recently. Pissed off about everything. Bitter.

[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 12 hours ago

spoilerI hate the dems so much.

Things continue to only get worse.

[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 6 points 14 hours ago

lets-fucking-go Very exciting! Hope you can get meds soon and they help. I've heard a lot of good things about meds from people with adhd.

[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 4 points 15 hours ago

Do you suggest using a VPN with tor? I've seen some communities say it's a good idea and I've seen others say never.

[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

spoiler
spoiler self harm I was right to be worried. Gave in.

I love you, trans people in the computer. :::

[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

I don't know Bruce Bruce or their uncle, please send the clip.

[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago

I still see gridlock trans-sad

[-] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago

cat-trans Happy for you, hope it comes soon.

158
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net to c/games@hexbear.net

After Yuzu got shut down I'm not sure what this leaves people with for switch emulators. I'm going to try and find archives and will update the post when I do.

Last windows build: archive.org

Slightly older, but has linux and mac builds archive.org

Okay there we go, a github mirror: https://git.naxdy.org/Mirror/Ryujinx

66
I am lazy (hexbear.net)

I am a lazy failure who can't do anything. Basic shit I consistently just... don't do. Its embarrassing. I don't even want to list all of it. I have hobby stuff I've wanted to for years that I've just never gotten set up. Homework? More like I'm not fucking doing that. I've been wanting to take steps for months to get myself on hormones and get clothes but have I done them? No? Of course not, because I'm fucking lazy. All I do is rot. Its been this way for a long time, I can't even remember when the last time I didn't struggle with this. And it doesn't feel like its getting better. If it really is my autism I'm not sure how it ever can get better.

23
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net to c/neurodiverse@hexbear.net

I'll get this out of the way at the start, there's a good chance its just other things I'm dealing with. I'm autistic, and have semi recently figured out I'm trans. Those changes have made me a little less stable feeling. CW for the rest of this post for talking about many sad things, although I do not feel sad right now.

self harm, suicide, negativity, drug use, eating, etcLately I have been going from extremely happy to extremely sad, or extremely sad to very happy. As an example, last night I didn't care anymore and wanted to kill myself. Today I am on a cloud and genuinely very happy. Nothing materially changed about my situation, no one talked me down, nothing. I smoked a bit of weed, felt better but still like I'd kill myself if I could, and now (the next day) I'm doing great.

I struggled with depression for a while as a teen. I was self harming (something I have sadly gotten back into), hopeless, all the things. Meds never helped, ketamine didn't help, ECT seemed to help? But the doctor thought I wasn't reporting my symptoms normally or whatever so I never was able to follow up and continue. He felt like it was some personality issue (I'm diagnosed with avpd, but now I feel autism + being trans explains it much better).

But these swings happen a lot. I've made some very impulsive purchases while feeling good and just hoped it would work itself out. But is that because I broke from my depression or because I was some flavor of manic? I think when I have one of my swings people are surprised how fast it is. Just like, the way they tend to respond ("oh I'm glad you're feeling a little better" but like no, I feel completely fine now, on my way to feeling great.)

The swings usually last hours or days, although like I mentioned when I was a teen I was very depressed for a while with basically no ups. I feel like I usually have a bad few days with some random ups, and then a few good days with some random downs (like once a day for a couple hours).

I worry the lows will kill me one day. I get intensely depressed, suicidal, and don't care about my life. If I had access to a gun I would kill myself with it, when I feel like that. Now though, that I'm feeling good? I feel hopeful, full of life and energy, like dying is the last thing I want to happen to me. And especially if things actually don't look good in life and I don't bounce back quickly... I just would.

But I'm not sure if I want to take bipolar medication either. I don't want to feel numb. This feeling of happiness is amazing, it fills me, I just want it to stay around. If my issue isn't bipolar, this could be my normal. But obviously if it is bipolar or something like it... then its not normal and the lows won't lift themselves.

I guess I'm just looking for opinions, my current thought is to keep pushing on transitioning and see if the lows clear up on their own. I honestly have no idea if what I'm describing is normal emotional changes or not. The lows I'm pretty sure are not normal, because they do get bad enough I'll self harm or not eat for a day. Anything to avoid them.

13
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net to c/videos@hexbear.net

A great, slightly more in depth (without being mathy) explanation of transformer models. Mostly talking about AlexNet, an image classifier from 2012. Goes over some history and has some very interesting looks under the hood.

He does use some personifying language for these models, but that's unfortunately the case for most information on the topic.

34
79
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net to c/news@hexbear.net

I know not many of you care about LLMs/other ai models but I think this really shows the amount of loneliness and in our society. Look at how it presents itself on Google. As an AI that feels alive, always available, that understands you. People don't use this service to summarize text or get help with their programming homework like they might chatgpt. They are selling artificial companionship.

1

bit of a warning but this is a very sad, pathetic and hopeless post. If you're easily made sad you might wanna sit this one out.

avpd is my own personal hell. Its destroying/destroyed my life. I have 2 "friends" I hardly talk to. Dropped out of college. No real prospects. I was born privileged and have just wasted it. I'm a failure. A husk of a person. I've never been on a single date. I'm just sitting here spinning my wheels. And the wheels aren't really spinning anymore. I'm so desperately lonely, but I just... can't. I don't even know how I'd meet people, if I could step out. I'm so lonely, and sad and FUCK being a social creature. What a cruel joke. A social creature that has a fucking personality disorder so they avoid socializing. WHAT THE FUCK. And this shit's permanent. Its who I am. Sure I can "cope" better but I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING COPE I WANT TO BE NORMAL WTF. I WANT TO BE LOVED AND LOVE PEOPLE AND I JUST CAN'T. ITS TOO DAMN HARD.

suicideI just wish I could die. I can't take this. I'm such a waste. Being alive is too painful as an anti social, social being.

70

Apparently it's 177 regions but I don't know how to check.

56
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

I have absolutely no idea what he says in the video and probably won't watch it. I just thought the thumbnail was really funny.

the video

edit: oh just to add he is a finance ghoul, so be warned. I only sub for the crypto and rap content.

13
The AI Rice Cooker (www.youtube.com)

There's a short snake camo at the very end for anyone who may/may not want to see that.

93

I think this movement is being led by paid MAGA and Russian operatives [161]

It does feel like it and Chinas stepping in now too cause they see how easily Russia did it the last time. I’m so tired of this. [38]
It’s sad how easily people in the left leaning subs fall for it. [78]
Claiming Biden is supporting/committing genocide is 100% Russian propoganda [33]
I think these stupid memes are being created by DNC and AIPAC staff. I guess we really DO need Liz Cheney to be our spokesperson, to say what needs to be said, because all the Democrats got is, "Vote for Biden or you get the Trump!" [-22]

Why do you HATE President Biden so much? I looked at your post history, you act like you would prefer your finger nails pulled out than acknowledge when the President does something good (which is quite often) [24]
(this is one comment with two line breaks) Nah democrats are saying a lot more than that, but if you only pay attention to memes on tiktok it may seem that way.
I'm voting for Biden because he's been a great president, and one of the most progressive presidents in decades. He's putting us on a path of worker focused economic policy, made big strides in fighting climate change, and implemented a whole host of domestic policies focused on helping people in need.
I'd be voting for Biden regardless of who he was running against. I'm also glad he's not throwing caution to the wind, tearing up treaties and abandoning allies (even if we think they deserve it) before attempting diplomacy. [22]

"Both sides are bad" people are ultimate fucking idiots. The Dems and GOP have gone so far apart in the past 2 decades, they could be on different planets. All the Republicans do nowadays is make policies that say, "No, ur policy is WrOnG. Let's just do the complete opposite of what the Dems are saying without actually contributing to any helpful resolution" No fucking originality, just 100% contradictory opinions with zero basis in fact. I'm no fan of Biden's age but actually his administration has achieved a lot for a President with a completely divided Congress [score hidden]

Im convinced the “protest voting” crowd are just Russian trolls or useful idiots that Russian trolls brainwashed. [72]

You are entirely correct in that assessment. [26]

Ah yes, the "protest voters" with FirstwordSecondwordNumber usernames that always post in daytime hours for Moscow and "hate Trump but want to send a message to the Democrats" with their vote. [33]

This is kinda the end of highly upvoted comments, so these are legally bonus content:

At this point if you genuinely can’t see all the steps biden is taking against Israel and think he’s pro genocide even tho he’s stopping a bigger genocide in Ukraine and actively announcing his disappointment in the Netanyahu regime then I don’t know how to help you.

His Gaza policies are not terrible. They are doing exactly what is allowed by law and without actively declaring war on Israel. But that's probably what HAMAS sympathizers want.

Biden has a good Gaza policy. Pushing for peace and getting aid across. He also has a “status quo” policy on Israel that’s been going on for decades.

reddit and archive.org
I'm honestly wondering if I'm the one in a bubble. Has biden actually done something good in Gaza while my back was turned? If any libs see this, please elaborate. "worker focused economic policy"? Where, when?

45
submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net to c/news@hexbear.net

“Cow-to-cow transmission is definitely playing a role in how this disease progresses. To what extent, we don’t know yet,” Leibsle said. It’s clear that infected wild birds spread the disease to herds in Texas and Kansas, he said. “But the herd of cattle that came up from Texas to Idaho, the birds didn’t follow,” the state veterinarian said...

...Idaho’s Leibsle said “not all dairy producers will want to wait one, two, three weeks” for dairy cows to recover. Some producers may decide to send the animals to slaughter as beef animals, he said.

This bird flu shit scares me really badly.

archive.org

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BountifulEggnog

joined 1 year ago