I personally have trouble relating to you about this specifically because what you're suffering through and talking about is actually ideal to me. I'd rather vanish and have no one bother me. But that's me.

Yes, you may have to cycle through a few therapists before finding one that works with you how you need and who you vibe with. It's not a try one and then hope it works out, you have to keep firing them and going to new ones until you get to someone that works with you. That feedback would've been great if you could give it to your (next) therapist. When I'm in a therapeutic relationship with a patient, I'm not perfect for everyone, but silence and leaving space for people to feel things can be powerful - I would suggest rather that your last therapist was likely trying to have you process a big admission like suicidal ideation, Ive told people things like "wow that sounds very intense, tell me if you have a plan or method yet" instead of open questions to that kind of admission. That might not have actually been a big deal for you, but they wouldn't know necessarily if it was or not. Also, she mightve just sucked lol, they aren't all good with gender dysphoria (my therapists I've vetted if they're cool with lgbt people). If you try again and find a therapist that does something similar, you are 100% allowed to fire them and find another or give them the feedback that you felt like they needed to ask you questions to draw out more.

I'm sorry if it's uncomfortable that in all reality there is no one who can rescue you. I'm not saying it to dismiss your struggle or pain. What you're going through is a personal journey because no one else is going to be able to live your life. Your life isn't really a thing to "solve" for whatever solving it means - if what solving it means having a relationship or deep friendships or being more secure in your identity, those things can come but no one else can swing in and fix it for you. You'll have to be continuously active in this journey, there is no part where it gets "solved" by passivity or by signaling in your own way that you want help (seemingly without actually saying the words very often? A lot of what you talk about seems to be very passively and subtly hinting you need help vs asking or taking actionable steps).

But this journey doesn't have to be dome completely alone, which is why I think you'd benefit from an irl trans/lgbt support group including and especially the one at your college you likely have even though you've mentioned many times feeling too old to relate to the typical student. It's there for people like you, that's where you can go to talk about your feelings openly because a lot of those people are likely going through very similar things as you or will at least lend a helpful ear. And keep seeking therapy, I wish it was as simple as the first person you find or were assigned to but it's not. It's probably going to take a while - but that's the kind of person you can go to to talk about some of your feelings without judgement on the other side and who can give you more actionable advice and real tools to deal with things like social anxiety or depression (if that's even what's going on).

As for eating, I wish someone could be in charge of things like that for you. Maybe you're the kind of person that even likes having someone else be in that kind of yotal control over you. But that kind of letting go should be a gift to give away, not something you need done to you in order to survive and thrive. It's not an easy or straight forward struggle, you will have to learn and figure out what works for you. Potentially you may need some kind of medical treatment if something like anxiety or depression is affecting you. I obsess and ruminate and have thought spirals because I have OCD, it is possible to get out of those ruts because I had to in order to take care of myself, my ex (at the time), my cats, my patients, etc. For me, I needed medication and 18 months of therapy. I don't know what you might need, but I'm telling you it's not waiting for someone else to jump in and figure it out for you - as nice as it sounds!