Yeah, it's shaped mine immensely as well, I've experienced all sorts of material and intangible benefits from it; there were many times I enjoyed and it helped me to grow, and a lot of problems that it's caused for me too. I can't completely separate myself from it either. But the question I always ask is why it takes me risking my life and participating in what resulted in a genocide to be able to get an education and some damn healthcare in what is supposed to be the "greatest nation on earth". I think that was the question that really radicalized me.

If it weren't for me getting introduced to dialectal materialist and Marxist analysis, I wouldn't have been able to live with what I participated in. I wonder if that's a big reason for so many turning to substances and suicide, something in their soul tells them it was wrong. I was able to recognize I'm not the main character (great man of history) and the whole thing didn't hinge on me. Also, that this larger system is going to do these things with or without me, and I was suckered into it because I didn't know better. Now I know better so I do better, and my testimony to the evils of the US government carries more weight than the typical burger amerikan - I am become burger deluxe.

At any rate, have you been able to process this with anyone?

[–] RedArmor@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In some ways I have, I’ve been in and out of the VA every so often for mental health, I have some friends I can confide in, but a dialectical and materialist analysis really broke me and helped me realize the nature of what it is and why we do the things we do in the military. I can’t help that I was suckered into a system so vast and evil that I can’t do a thing about, but I try to take the good from it that helped me personally grow as a human. I have a lot of PTSD from it, I still get triggered by smells and sounds, and anger issues stemming from it, but I’ve matured more so than old friends from high school (when I left for the army) due to the responsibility placed on my shoulders.

It does carry more weight when people talk about the military or politics in general because I can say things as a communist about my experiences and what things are actually like. I do use it to my advantage though, the military persona/style. People are more likely to give me an easier time, less likely to fuck with me, and for some reason the freedom loving muricans give me respect they otherwise wouldn’t, simply because I “served.” It’s selfish in a way, but at least I recognize it I guess.

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago

why we do the things we do

I think a lot of the young ones struggle with this. The question you see all the time is "What was it all for?" and the only thing that can answer that is marxism.