You (collective) are here for me so much ^whether^ ^you^ ^want^ ^or^ ^not^, so I want to make sure you know I'm here for you too. If you have any vents and don't want to make a thread for them, I'm here. :3
this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
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chapotraphouse
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When will you stop being so wholesome dangit?
My problem is that I despise work, but the fact that it's a remote-only positions, which is a now largely-diminished thing again for no good reason, means I'm not likely to fall into another good role for my location. And because I'm using this income to pay debts and house a disabled family member, I'm kinda locked into needing this level of income for at least the next 10 years. So I don't really have any option to.. leave. I am trying to find other self-employed ways to earn ye olde cash, though. Admittedly, work = sucks is not a unique problem.
My other worry is that though things with my ~20 month partner are overall great, I'm scared that maybe I don't want to commit to it with marriage and moving in and stuff (which they very much want). I dunno, this feels really weird, I really really like my partner, this relationship is super healthy and they are absolutely amazing. I just struggle with thoughts of "but what if I go on to meet someone that I somehow liked more". It feels asshole-y to even say but it's just a fear stuck in my head. I'm not sure if I'm just being selfish, or I'm making life difficult for myself, or it's a red flag I should be paying attention to. Whatever I do is not just about my personal benefit, I want to do right by them too.
My other fear is how you're doing, comrade. It's super cool that you're making chill threads like these and I suddenly realise how nice of a vibe it is and love it. But I hope you're doing okay. I declare this thread also a safe space for you to vent if you want to <3
I feel like that about my partner of almost 2 years too sometimes and it's horrifyingly anxiety inducing (I have that as an OCD theme). I think it's natural though (and common), it is a big commitment so your brain tries to protect you from possible harm. In the end, we will never know how it will go before we try (with our respective relationships) and this sort of future prediction attempts only prevents us from enjoying these changes in our lives to the fullest. Do you have some anxiety disorder by any chance?
You make a good point, and the theory of protecting from harm makes sense to me - thanks <3 I'm not aware of an anxiety disorder, though I am often excessively and unhelpfully anxious so maaay be.
Honestly, I think this is pretty normal. Commitment is scary because the future is long and there are many unknowns. I felt like this before I got married, and now I'm coming up on a decade with my partner.
That is comforting to know, thanks <3