(editors note: I originally wanted this to be a bit referencing Obama's weird sexpest period in college but then I couldn't immediately nail the tone and gave up. So uhhh just imagine it's Obama and it's funny)

Everybody talks about state owned kitties but when are we gonna talk about the real need all Americans have? I am of course talking about State owned titties. Under my program, any citizen can get a pair of bolt-ons paid for by the state. For free! The titties will be repossessed after death, and can then be reapplied to any other willing citizen. Don't get your nipples twisted, titties for all.