actually feeling good for once today and thinking that i might just make it

i stopped taking my hrt for a couple days but i'm back on it and getting back on really boosted my mood

also also i'm going to start trying to avoid /tttt/ and associated subreddits and discords, i was just festering in my self-hatred and being in an environment where other people egg that on is so addictive but also destructive. i do hate myself but i've got to learn not to if i ever want to be happy and i'll never learn how by staying there. i've got really bad self-destructive impulses (hence why i stopped hrt) and i've really got to work on that

finally i'm going to try and push myself to actually do more for my transition in the next week or two. beyond hrt i haven't really done anything else which is probably why i still don't pass at all, i've just been hoping it'll do all the work but it seems like that isn't going to happen for me. i've mostly been too afraid of trying anything more feminine out of the fear that it'll make me look/feel even worse and more masculine, so i still haven't really ever done makeup or voice training or learning fashion etc. so i'm going to actually give makeup a go here really soon