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nemmybun (9/8 - 9/14)
Eco* (9/15 - 9/21)
Disaster_of_Passion* (9/22 - 9/28)
Carcharodonna* (9/29 - 10/5)
sodium_nitride* (10/6 - 10/12)
peanutbuttercupola* (10/13 - 10/19)
oscardejarjayes* (10/20 - 10/26)
Wmill (10/27 - 11/2)
Shaleesh* (11/3 - 11/9)
Alisu (11/10 - 11/6)

peanutbuttercupola* (12/29 - 1/4)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

my transition is about a year and a half old now

i still never learned how to do my makeup

I know I'm usually in here being dorky and silly but

i think waking up in the morning is good now. i feel great and apparently i am not just manic

I'm positively reminiscing back to the time when I lived in a slum house, renting a 9 m^2 room from a crime lord. I looked homeless, and legally speaking, I was homeless, since I wasn't allowed tk register my address.

It was a fun time. I was in the first year of my bachelor. I was young. I tried things. I even had hope! Crazy isn't it that my current standard of novelty is to change my walking route or ride a bike. I used to ride my bike between cities back then! Now I touch the poor thing once every 2 months.

Also, funnily enough, I dressed more girly back then. I even experimented with makeup.

Now, I think about how few friends I truly have left. I only have 2 people I talk to on an occasional basis. Did you know, I can count the average number of sentences I speak per week on my hands?

And do you know why that piece of my soul died? It's because after I ran away from the crime lord, the only place I could find a room in is about 3 hours by train (there are many complications involved in why it takes me that long). I'm completely isolated from other people. I spoke 2 sentences this whole week to another person! And it was a question to a professor.

I am quite literally a displaced proletariat migrant ~~worker~~ student. I am going into debt in order to make myself more useful to master. I am a dog that plays tricks for the master, and then I give the master a treat if I do it right. And of course I have to do it right, cause if I don't, I get thrown away.

Perhaps it is precisely because I live the life of such a miserable dog that I also behave like one. Materialism etc bottom text. You know the drill.

Thinking about getting an altar cloth, circlet to wear on my head and candles/lighter to fit in my handbag as a bit for when I offer to do someone's Tarot.

Ive got a bulletproof heart
Youve got a hollowpoint smile

Recent conversations with my mum (who is mostly cool): I understand you're a woman but why when you were younger you were interested in [perfectly normal activity that is in fact a cliche that autistic trans women enjoy it so much] or [toxically masculine compensation that brought me no joy].

Yes mum I still love trains, no I don't do misogyny anymore.

Yooo a small child came up to me in the dollar store for a first bump before she ran off , kid knew how cool I was/am

::: spoiler sad about the state of things and how people treat us (cw mention of violence, sex)

Last week my friend got hatecrimed (shes ok, a couple of her friends have concussions, thats about it). Then today some guy tried to solicit sex from me (while i was wearing a rather queer outfit and shoes that added 10cm to my 193cm height, i thought i looked like a femme who could stomp your head in) and when i ignored him he followed me and drove slowly after me, drove around the block multiple times to follow me and keep talking to me, when i stopped for a cig outside my apt he was suddenly there driving from the opposite direction (meaning he either knows where i live or he guessed i was gonna stop there or he quickly circled around to head me off). It was midday, broad daylight.

Im just sad. Frustrated. My neighborhood is safe. Except it isnt. My world is fine. Except it isnt. Just a fucked reminder that even in queer-safe/friendly neighborhoods, cis men feel entitled to my body, entitled to buy sex from me.

And my friend! She doesnt feel safe anywhere now! She deserves better than that! I deserve better than that, than this.

This just sucks.

I love my Cis Italian girl friends. I was telling one of them how the best thing about transition was every woman I met being nice to me.

Then I corrected "well 9 out of 10 women" and immediately she was like "who are the 1 out of 10? Do I know them?" (While looking around the function) like she was ready to start a fight then and there.