chapotraphouse

Hard to believe that playing loud heavy metal music didn’t deescalate the situation, as one would normally expect.

all they did was give the orcas a cool soundtrack for righteous violence

Orcas: FUCK YOU, I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!

in b4 the nerds: I know ratm isn't technically heavy metal, shut up

What fools, you think that would deter them? It merely got them pumped up.

MURMAIDER MURMAIDER MURMAIDER

Lol apparently the running theory for why they've attacked so many ships since 2020 is because an orca named White Gladis got injured by one and taught her whole pod they're a threat and need to be fucked up

The other theory also involves White Gladis telling her pod to fuck shit up, but simply because fucking shit up is their idea of fun and games

If orcas were attacking my boat I would just try not to introduce them to the concept of headbanging at that time.

We should arm the whales.

thread theme

You got a one way ticket to midnight… call it… heavy metal ooooorrrrrcccaaas

Idiots: I bet the heavy metal will confuse and scare them

The Killer Whales:

Figured it out, we're not giving them enough fish.

Orcas are already metal as fuck. Congrats on providing BGM for the boss fight against your boat.

mother nature says metal is bummer vibes

Death to America

Turns out Orcas hate Van Hagar

I hate orcas for they are the ocean's bullies but god damn

They should probably try one of those 'inspirational' duty-free pieces of muzak you find under a typical kickstarter marketing campaign. You know what I mean. Handclaps and some dude whistling over sparse piano chords.

Raining Blood blasting on the boat and Orcas are like "Fuck yeah this is a hell soundtrack to fuck up this boat. Let's goooo!" Meanwhile the boaters are crying and pissing their pants as the Orcas go to town.