Trans Megathread for the Week of 4/22 - 4/28 (hexbear.net)

submitted 6 months ago by SnowySkyes@hexbear.net to c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net

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[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 2 points 6 months ago

autism and gender intersect in really incredibly unfunny ways

What the actual fuck, dude. This whole fucking gender thing, as in the two that E*rope assholes forced on everybody, is literally fake. The labsls, the associations, gendered things, they are entirely socially constructed. Literally completely, an imperialist fever dream I think. That's what reading Gender Outlaw and then The Gender Accelerationist Manifesto is like.

So hey what the fuck, am I an idiot for calling myself a lesbian? Or a woman, maybe. Because what the fuck right, no one aspect of humans, physical or mental or emotional, is inherently gendered, at all. Stupid fucking idea. So if "woman" is just a vague collection of physical aspects, then "lesbian" is only even kind of a sexuality label. It doesn't indicate if you prefer long hair or short hair, wide hips or slim ones, high voices or low ones, fuck it doesn't even reliably say what sex hormone you prefer in a partner? What the fuck does it even mean, aside from the queer cultural association I guess... it doesn't stop being "lesbian" if you include nonbinary people in that, right? But then what the hell even is the definition of "lesbian"? Not really "woman liker".

So if that's the case, (maybe it isn't Idk) then what the fuck does identifying as a "woman" even mean? I guess it's comfortable to me because it's associated with femininity, I guess. But having long legs or thick thighs or incredibly long hair or boobs or soft skin or small shoulders(not necessarily in width terms) aren't actually gendered at all. Maybe cisnormative views would say those are woman traits, but there are enbies and agender people and genderfluid people and even fuckin' dudes that have some or all of those traits. So um what the fuck??

"Women" actually did get debunked. Motherfucker.... niko-what This has busted my brain in half in a way that's kind of making me panic, Idek what to feel. Thanks for reading my absurdity?

[-] AutomatedPossum@hexbear.net 2 points 6 months ago

You're definitely not alone with this. I hear takes like yours a lot from neurodivergent trans people and many of them specifically go for the agender label because it's what makes the most sense to them.

It's not how i view this stuff, i could write an entire effortpost about what being a lesbian means to me or how i'm both nonbinary and a trans woman, or how meaningless bodies are in regards to gender once you've had decidedly lesbian sex with a pre-transition trans woman who's more feminine than every cis woman i've ever been with, but i don't have the time for that today and i think jesse-wtf is a perfectly reasonable and valid approach to this whole gender stuff, and i'm not gonna debate that.

[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

Is it agender tho if you change ur body via sex hormones thonk-trans that seems weird but I guess maybe it's not incompatible? I also kinda like 'she/her' pronouns though, so Idek.

If you did I would read it :) I guess "lesbian" could always just mean funny and different things to me, right? I mean, it means something slightly different to everybody anyway, so why not completely bust it and use it differently to how it's culturally conceived? I guess I can just appropriate this term and use it for all of the feminine (and occasionally masc) non-dudes that I am into, I mean why the fuck not right? I suppose this is why people tend to flex and bend words so often, they are just words after all.

how meaningless bodies are in regards to gender once you've had decidedly lesbian sex with a pre-transition trans woman who's more feminine than every cis woman i've ever been with,

Love this for you, excellent stuff ❤ and yeah fr. It's a little easier to square the sexual/romantic end of this, at least. Surely if you decouple gender labels from body types though, (which we do) all gender labels suddenly become borderline meaningless right?

[-] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 1 points 6 months ago

Is it agender tho if you change ur body via sex hormones

Gender isn't your hormones, so I don't see any reason why the two would be incompatible (if they are, I guess me and a lot of others are doing something wrong). Some cis men take estrogen because they prefer having a more feminine body, but like being men, for example. I've seen other agender people who also have used cross-natal-sex hormones.

Also, there's labels like librafem, which is considered part of the agender spectrum and demigirl which can be part girl part agender (or other NB gender). Not particularly a fan of micro-labels myself because of how useless they are outside of niche communities (like, say an agender subreddit), but I do like learning of the different ways people try to describe themselves.

[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Yea,

I think I would genuinely rather have labels that are useful and structurally sound but obscure, rather than squeezing my being into a silly box that people can recognise. Maybe people who cannot grasp it simply do not deserve to know...

[-] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 1 points 6 months ago

Fair. I rather just use generic umbrella terms for the and maybe append "-spec" to the end to make it clearer I'm using it as an umbrella term. Partly because uncertainty, but partly because a bigger umbrella gives more wiggle room to move around. But like, I could also just say something like "transfem agender" to communicate the same idea as "librafem", but one more people can sorta guess the meaning from the two words that make it up (even if they think its somehow a contradiction) and the other might make people think I'm a fem who is really into astrology.

[-] AutomatedPossum@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

Is it agender tho if you change ur body via sex hormones

Yeah, it's best to follow Feinberg Thought and clearly seperate biology, gender as a social performance and gender identity as an internal, psychological structure. How you feel in your body and how and if you transition is independent from your gender identity. There can be an interaction between these, like things that give me dysphoria feel clearly incongruent from how i feel my body should be, they violate my sense of self - but i wasn't less of a woman when i could still grow a beard or before my boobs started growing, and getting bottom surgery will not make me more of a woman, it will just mean that i get rid of things that feel like foreign objects and cause me psychic damage. But that doesn't say anything about my gender identiy, people with a more binary understanding of gender do the same things as me when it comes to transitioning and people who would not use the term woman for themselves also do.

[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Mhm, that was what I thought as soon as I hit "reply", just some leftover brainrot is all, mb. Transition independent from gender identity (for me, have always separated the two when it come to other people) is slightly new to me. The rest of this does scan easily to me though.

[-] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 1 points 6 months ago

spoiler

So hey what the fuck, am I an idiot for calling myself a lesbian? Or a woman, maybe.

Even if they are made up, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with identifying with them or that they can't be useful within the context of our current social conditions.

then “lesbian” is only even kind of a sexuality label. It doesn’t indicate if you prefer long hair or short hair, wide hips or slim ones, high voices or low ones, fuck it doesn’t even reliably say what sex hormone you prefer in a partner? What the fuck does it even mean, aside from the queer cultural association I guess… it doesn’t stop being “lesbian” if you include nonbinary people in that, right? But then what the hell even is the definition of “lesbian”? Not really “woman liker”.

Given how masculine my mom is, I find it strange lesbians date her. Gay men also used to be interested in her, mistaking her for a boy. But it apparently still is a functional label somehow.

[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 0 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

yeag

I guess yeah, like pronouns are socially constructed too but I have no hangups about those. I guess these labels don't really feel useful because they are definitionally wobbly to me. When I processed the "nothing is gendered" thought a few years ago, I just sort of ignored this and existed with the cognitive dissonance because whatever, nobody's gonna interrogate my identity. But it's weird

Okay yeah that weirds me out, the gay men part lol. Liking masculine women is definitely a(n optional) historical part of being a lesbian though.

Does any of this gender bullshit make any sense at all makima-huh

[-] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 1 points 6 months ago

Okay yeah that weirds me out, the gay men part lol.

She's regularly gendered as a guy (both over the phone and in-person), so not really surprising. I assume she went to gay bars to meet women, so not really weird that other people would be going to the bars for similar reasons. And she seems to be happy the gay men mistook her as an attractive guy, even if she's not into men. She has the opinion gender is just the bits you were born with and nothing else, so I don't really think she believes in gender either. But that leads to a bit of a language barrier in talking about gender. I feel like if she used the language conceptions of words as I do, then she's at least consider herself agender/NB/etc.

Does any of this gender bullshit make any sense at all

Not to me, but maybe I'm just the one missing something.

[-] Cromalin@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

::: spoiler spoiler my take is gender is entirely made up and bullshit but broadly it's still real (even if it gets incredibly fuzzy around the edges) and so i'll make my way through it picking the place in it that make me happiest and i hope everyone else does too. i try not to worry about it beyond that unless i'm arguing with someone who is being an asshole over someone else's gender, but i always make sure to recognize that it's constructed

[-] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

cleaned out from under my bed, threw out more bags of trash, one more day lived as a trans girl, on more day closer to HRT. the road is so very long but I'm walking it and getting just a tiny bit closer

[-] Xx_Aru_xX@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

On one side, I want to leave to a western country so I can transition safely, on the other side I kind of don't want to deal with the bullshit of western countries, my degree won't be recognized, the money I had before would be worthless, I don't get benefits of being born there, I lose the benefits I have, I might be dependent on some organization and worst of all it's not like the country would be pro-trans forever, they could just turn around and make it shit for trans people too.

[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 0 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

So after getting banned from the liberal sapphic book server for being "rude" to someone who identifies with settler-colonialism, (canadian nationalism is a disease) (oh look they tone policed a trans woman! big shock there!) I joined three new ones. 2/3 are kind of dead, like all places to discuss books with gays in, but maybe I can post hard and get them going again? And also I won't have to say 'another kkkracker down' to anybody?

It's kinda sad that I have way better results just yelling into Hexbear, quality userbase <3

[-] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 0 points 6 months ago

someone who identifies with settler-colonialism

hang on, what? can... can you elaborate on that at all? did she elaborate on that at all?

[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

Nah, just carrying on and fucking on about being french canadian all the time and how she wanted to see more stuff written by french canadians, clearly the most oppressed minority. I said "Like being french isn't bad enough, had to be canadian too, worst of both worlds" which broke the cracker. It was epic!

The context was that she was carrying on and on about french canadian cyberpunk, and before I cracked the cracker I had said that the only use for setting a cyberpunk narrative in Klanada would be to examine colonialism, which she promptly ignored, hence what I said. Something about the mixture of canadian nationalist undertones and how liberal cyberpunk is just, touched a nerve in me. I was pretty restrained took-restraint though imo.

My thesis is, anyone who is fragile and white enough to be offended when I say "french bad" or "canada bad" deserves to feel offended. Don't identify with colonial projects, right? White people in shambles.

^ur^ ^welcome^ ^4^ ^this^ ^autism^ ^btw^

[-] Moss@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

"Like being french isn't bad enough, had to be canadian too, worst of both worlds"

this is objectively funny and anyone who has a problem with this is a crakkker

[-] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 0 points 6 months ago

god i have to get off reddit. i keep looking at trans femme fashion and transition timelines and it's all these stunningly well passing women who claim shit like "oh yeah this was like 1.5 years hrt" or something, this is only filling my head with bad ideas.

fuck, i got to meet real trans people outside and i don't even really know where to start, honestly

[-] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

girl you already passed as a cis woman after 1.5 years HRT and then you got FFS??? you literally just look like a different cis woman now? i am become dysphoria, the layer in bed

[-] nathanfieldertulpa@hexbear.net 0 points 6 months ago

i follow a bunch of communist transfems on tumblr and it's so much better for my mental health than any trans subreddit is, you could give that a try

[-] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

One of my two trans woman friends convinced me to make a tumblr but honestly the website is kind of incoherent to me. What the fuck is a reblog? How am I supposed to interact with this website? I don't know, but it makes me want to go back to hexbear real fast. I got to learn how to meet real people though

[-] ashinadash@hexbear.net 1 points 6 months ago

I like tumblr in spirit, like it's got great stuff to look at sometimes, but it's also redditesque in that everyone is out for blood, you know the way. One large continuous struggle session.

this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2024

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