this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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[–] Aradina@lemmy.ml 33 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If I die in his body do I die for real?

[–] YourMom@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Aradina@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 month ago

I will simply shoot myself in the stomach three times at five minutes to 24 hours.

[–] BobDole@hexbear.net 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Shoot someone on 5th avenue.

[–] jaywalker@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A cop if you really want to test his theory

[–] vovchik_ilich@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

You had me at "a cop"

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago

Do a stump speech where I start off dismissing people call me a racist xenophobe by doing the usual “I love Mexicans, I have many good friends that are Mexican” bit but slowly start making it about how many I hire, how hard working they are, really more hard working than white people, “it’s true, I’m sorry, it’s true,” start denigrating white people as lazy, some vague allusion that I pulled some strings to make them “legal,” but also amping up the stereotyping language in describing Mexicans. Piss off both sides.

[–] iridaniotter@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

IDK the dysphoria would be pretty debilitating so probably cry

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago

Shit my pants and then donate all my money (anonymously and secretly) to communist orgs

[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

matt-jokerfied KMSAEAM

Alt answer: get revenge on that NAFO dude, I still can't believe the would-be assassins keep missing.

[–] FloridaBoi@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago

America is only good at murdering helpless children sorry sweaty

[–] mustGo@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

trump-drenched Make a sweaty video post about how qanon is real. trump-anguish

😮‍💨 Finish it by reading a list of core conspirator names that is just a list of everyone who ever slighted me 💅.

luau Then get into a high speed car chase and armed standoff with the cops. hillary-assassin

[–] EnsignRedshirt@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I’d tell all his kids that I love them and I’m proud of them. I feel like it would be fun to see how that plays out later.

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Tell each of them individually that they are the favorite but not to tell the others this fact.

Have a family meeting with all my children. Produce a sealed folder. Tell them its a new will and the favorite child will get everything. Watch chaos unfold while eating a Filet o Fish sandwich. Take too big of a bite and die. Inside the folder is a Polaroid of me and Jeffrey Epstein with our names on the back written in glitter ink.

[–] YourMom@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

welp. my dad did the first part. hopefully not the second

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

I think your comment needs a spoiler tag.

[–] Zuzak@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago

It's tempting to give some kind of surreal speech but honestly pretty hard to compete with my first thought which is contacting a bunch of my big donors and telling them that we need to have an emergency meeting in which everyone gathers together in one convenient location.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Jail Taylor Swift for being racist against white people.

[–] FloridaBoi@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago

Additional charges of being sexist against men but also possibly against women for “The Man”

[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

25 hour poison.

Alternatively

Convince MAGA that I have been replaced with a clone and should not be trusted.

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

Find out what mercury tastes like

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago

That would somehow be the day there's a successful assassin and he'd get a new 32 year old body. He'd hate it cause he'd be poor but I'd like it less cause I'd be dead.

[–] tactical_trans_karen@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago
[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

End the Ukraine war in one day like he says he can. What do you mean he's bullshitting? screm-a

[–] autismdragon@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago

Give a speech talking about how cool trans people are.

[–] wtypstanaccount04@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago

Folks, the bourgeois, they're no good, more and more people are saying it. All these workers— the biggest, we have the biggest workers— very handsome workers come up to me and say, Comrade Trump there is a specter haunting Europe, and you know what, they're right. These bourgeois are very nasty people, very very rude, and very unfair to the workers. They are stealing our surplus value and no one is doing anything about it. The proletariat comes up to me every day and says, Comrade Trump will you lead the revolution? And I gotta turn to them and say look, the instruments of capitalism will be used to bring about its destruction, believe me. The means of production, Obama never wanted to seize them. Well guess what? I'm seizing them. Landlords? They're done for folks. Everyone told me— they said, Comrade Trump you won't be the vanguard of the revolution and they would laugh, the media laughed the democrats laughed, guess who's laughing now?

[–] Mountain_Mike_420@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 month ago

I’d do a trump impression and claim that my concepts of a plan are now a full plan and I say, here is my plan and we are going to stop arming or selling weapons to anyone. And in fact we are cutting the military budget by 90% and that we are going to focus on women and give them paid vacation when they are pregnant and we are going to use our surplus money to fund schools and teachers and build housing for the poor and make Medicare for all. Oh and we are going to tax anyone who makes over 10 million a year at 100%.

[–] chungusamonugs@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago

Leak all of the stuff from the epstien collaboration days.

[–] adultswim_antifa@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

Release the tax returns hillgasm

[–] borschtisgarbo@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 1 month ago

Strip down during a campaign event and play my ass like bongo drums

[–] someone@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

Are you a cop?

[–] Anvil_Lavigne@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i'd have his blood replaced w/ mayo

[–] autismdragon@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Anvil_Lavigne@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago

no you see he would ascend & take his rightful place as the vessel of ronald mcdonald

[–] let_me_tank_her@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

have a Budd Dwyer moment.

[–] tamagotchicowboy@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

Troll followers all day, troll rallies even harder, and when asked about odd sudden turns on things troll the interviewer and mention DPRK as an inspiration. Also grift a few popular figures extra hard to create animosity for later. I'm also tempted to have a free for all McD's fish sandwich meal and unlimited diet cokes for one of said rallies so poorly planned so it reeks up the place just because.

[–] anonochronomus@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago

Make an appearance on some weird Fox news show, go on a long rant about how all true patriots must ascend to a higher realm to achieve true amerikkkan freedom, and then pull a Budd Dwyer, redecorating the set with blood and brains.

[–] sweatersocialist@hexbear.net 3 points 1 month ago

put a bomb in my ass that's going to detonated in 25 hours