this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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When I decided to host the mega again a bit ago, I had no idea what to make it about (of course). So it fell between two topics: a post on the importance of sleep, or a post on just how much I love Fire Emblem: The Sacred Echoes. Well, I felt like the importance of sleep was well-known, and could always wait for the next time I host a mega. I wanted to make sure I hit the Sacred Echoes iron while it's hot, because I've almost finished my play through at this point, and it might genuinely be one of the best games I have ever played.

Sacred Echoes feels so polished, considering it's a fan-made romhack of Sacred Stones, with the goal of bringing the 3DS game, Shadows of Valentia (SoV), to the GBA. Everything about the game aesthetically is very well-done, from the portraits, to the battle sprites, and literally anything else that could be thought of about a game. This includes new character writing, which helps the game in areas where Shadows of Valentia was a little, well, off. That's what I want to go over first, and although I've made a post before, I had only played a little bit of the game. Being at the end, I've noticed more things, and grown to appreciate this game even more than I already did.

Let's start off with the relevant (and interesting) bits: Sacred Echoes actually does a really good job at representing a variety of backgrounds, while also being diverse in a way that doesn't feel like it's simply to have a token character. This game doesn't suffer from the cracker curse, for example. Although most of the characters are white, there is more than one person of color (congratulations) . In terms of LGBTQ+ representation, it's even better. There are many gay/lesbian characters, whose sexuality actually plays a role in the plot and how they interact with others. There's also an aroace character, Lukas, who goes through a whole arc of self-discovery in his support conversations (support Python). It's good stuff, and not things I would normally expect from a Fire Emblem game. I hesitate to bring up the (possibly) only trans character in the game, Jesse. HOLD ON, NO HESITATION AT ALL! I just decided to do more research, and I wasn't just projecting. He is 100% trans, and it's in supports, and it's relevant to his plot and backstory, so it's just like the rest of them, thank goodness, I was worried he was a token. So yeah, support Clive and Jesse. Good stuff, and good luck getting to the end of the game so they can actually meet, one fights for Alm and the other for Celica...

This is Jesse

Here's some dialogue between Clive and Jesse, in the context of a will:

Clive: Only the following will be yours - your mother's wardrobe, her jewelry box, and all corresponding contents.

Jesse: Urgh. Even from halfway in the grave he's trying to tell me what to wear. So yeah, he's still the same tyrant he always was. Hasn't changed a bit.

In terms of character background, it's more diverse than one would think, and it addresses the issue of feudal class. Not all of the characters are nobles, and one of the main characters is a commoner from a random village. The plot regularly deals with the fact that nobles and commoners do not get along. However, it does not try to redeem most nobles. If they aren't proving themselves with their actions, they're probably shitty. Even if they are supposedly "one of the good ones", there's usually some underlying prejudice that comes out when you might not expect it. I love it so much, and I am extremely impressed that the plot doesn't try to redeem nobility as a whole, but rather allows the noble characters within the cast to have character development that feels less like justification and more like re-education.

Pictured is the class traitor Lukas absolutely destroying Fernand

For other details about the story, I'll link my original post. I don't want to drag this on too long, and I mention most of the improvements there. It also includes where to find the patch for the game, and how to play the game for yourself. If you enjoy SRPGs, or are new to the genre, I recommend this game. It has an easy mode for the newbies, and hard mode for those of us who hate ourselves (/s), and a normal mode for everything in-between niko-happy

The Echoes cast is amazing, and I love how they interact with each other and the world. Each character stands out, and they feel unique in their relationships with the other characters. Even characters that suffer in SoV, like Faye and the Masked Knight (has a name but it's spoilers), benefit from the Sacred Echoes writing, making them actually enjoyable characters. The villains of the game are also great. I don't want to go too deep, because I don't want to spoil too much, but they aren't just pure evil, and for that I applaud the SoV writers. Berkut is probably the highlight of the game, being the heir to the throne of the empire. I am once again asking you to play the game, because IT IS SO GREAT, and I would not have expected these good of villains to pair with Alm and Celica, as well as their armies.

Pictured is the Masked Knight being a gay little guy. The other guy (Saber) is threatening his life...

Everything about the game design is also amazing. It's GBA Fire Emblem, so the animations are peak and the pixel art is stellar. The maps are improved from the original SoV maps, and they are definetly much better, and much less repetitive. Classes in the game are fun in how they work, each character being able to promote 2-3 times. Mages also work really uniquely and well in this game, with spells costing HP to cast. They learn spells as they level up, rather than by purchasing tomes, which makes for (in my opinion), better gameplay. Sacred Echoes also adds the GBA weapon and magic triangles!

All in all, Sacred Echoes is a great game, and even if you never ending up playing it, you now know of its existence. It stands out as a great romhack, as well as a great Fire Emblem game, AND it has the gay. Can it really get better than that?

If you want my original (and more in-depth) analysis, check out my original post. It's mostly about what Sacred Echoes improves upon the original Shadows of Valentia.

Hope you enjoyed my little nerd-out session, and have a good week everyone! niko-dance

DOWNLOAD SACRED ECHOES: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/o9v75blehaid1re2i8qou/ALhV8LN1A59jdFIP6HYRH3c?rlkey=d7fl1m8qh9gl7ztmnim33euu1&e=1&dl=0

PATCH TO AN EXISTING SACRED STONES ROM: https://www.marcrobledo.com/RomPatcher.js/


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[โ€“] kristina@hexbear.net 31 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (54 children)

chat, i'll be doing another trans survey soon, though this time it will be much more in detail and hosted on cryptpad (for security) and anonymous. do you have any questions you're dying to ask your little trans friends here?

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[โ€“] gaystyleJoker@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!

the list as it stands:

Eco* (10/7 - 10/13)
oscardejarjayes* (10/14 - 10/20)
HelltakerHomosexual* (10/21 - 10/27)
GayTuckerCarlson* (10/28 - 11/3)
Luna* (11/4 - 11/10)

โ€‹ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

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[โ€“] Caruna@hexbear.net 31 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (14 children)

Hello everyone ๐Ÿ‘‹ I'm a refugee from the bloodthirsty land of reddit and very happy to be here. Will take me a minute to adjust to people not constantly war mongering for battles they will never fight in or assuring me that "Putin is just bluffing " (but also will take over the world if he isn't stopped )

Oh and killing children with Battery bombs is "Kingsman shit"

Anyway if my account didn't get approved here , I was about to have my doctor contact the mods and request emergency approval on the basis that reddit is giving me brain cancer

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[โ€“] Tommasi@hexbear.net 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'll admit it was gender affirming at first, but now it's starting to get annoying that so many guys just assume I'm clueless about everything.

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[โ€“] Eco@hexbear.net 24 points 1 month ago (5 children)

i want to go swimming. why do cis people have to exist

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[โ€“] Thallo@hexbear.net 24 points 1 month ago (7 children)

โš ๏ธ Alert โš ๏ธ

โš ๏ธ My facial hair is falling out โš ๏ธ

This is not a drill.

I know I just said like two days ago the laser therapy wasn't working, but it just started falling out, and now there are hairless patches.

I am entering reverse puberty. The hair came in patchy, and it will leave me patchy.

Pour one out for a real one, folks fidel-salute My beard had a legendary run marx-goth Wish I could gift it to a transmasc, but it's only fate now is to be subject to the ion cannon.

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[โ€“] yewler@hexbear.net 24 points 1 month ago (5 children)

misgendering, dysphoriaLike a good third of my peers at my job aren't even attempting to respect my name or pronouns. Like even in the slightest. And it's actively making me feel so much worse than I felt before I asked this of everyone, which low key has me regretting coming out.

Before I changed my name there, I was sort of ambivalent to my birth name and male coded language. I recognized they weren't my preference but I didn't hate them. Now that I have an environment I go to every day where everyone there knows my preferences and I have an expectation as to how I want to be interacted with, I feel so distressed when that expectation isn't met. I can't stand to hear people call me my dead name anymore. And honestly this goes for everyone. Now that I've gotten a wee taste of that expectation, it feels like such a punch to the gut when anyone calls me that, even people who have no idea I'm trans. I have never longed for the instant gender swap button more in my entire life. I HATE that my body is preventing me from getting basic respect. For fuck's sake. Also would it kill the guys to stop insisting on calling me "man"? It seriously feels so intentional at this point.

One of them opened a text yesterday with "Hey [dead name]," which they have never historically done. They usually just open with what they want. It's like, is everyone so insistent on actively demonstrating to me that they could not care less about me?

It's not all bad I guess. I know who my real ones are now. The ones who have been so wonderful and who originally made me feel so good in the first zoom call after my initial request.

I tagged this with dysphoria because honestly I'm still not quite sure what qualifies as dysphoria.

[โ€“] Jenniferrr@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago

I personally have come out everywhere in my life besides work for this exact reason. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this it's really terrible and awful.

I have never longed for the instant gender swap button more in my entire life. I HATE that my body is preventing me from getting basic respect.

I have been feeling like this a lot recently

For fuck's sake. Also would it kill the guys to stop insisting on calling me "man"? It seriously feels so intentional at this point.

Right?? I have a friend who tbh I just recently told and he hasn't seen me (but also hasn't asked for a picture or anything... Not on social media or anything and idk how to show him). When we talk it's all mans and bros etc etc etc. feels like it might be worse than before. It's like a knife every time

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[โ€“] Thallo@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (7 children)

Is it girl coded for my wife and I to say we're ugly but actually insist that the other one is pretty?

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[โ€“] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Idk how some girls have the confidence they do X amount of months into transition and Iโ€™m at X amount of years and have none. aubrey-pain

[โ€“] Thallo@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago

Maybe you just don't see them when they cry

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[โ€“] Yor@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (4 children)

just worried about the future, dysphoriaI really hope I'll get a good looking dick and my partner will be attracted to me

my mind has been somewhat poisoned by some very hateful comments from someone I once trusted a lot

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[โ€“] Kiagz@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I've reached an important milestone! meow-fiesta

CW: Self harmIt's been over 2 weeks since I last cut myself. The large, gaping wound I got from last time scared me so much that I've pretty much completely lost the urge. It opened my eyes and made me realize I was going down the wrong path. It feels so nice to no longer be dealing with this, it really just made everything worse for me.

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[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (46 children)

Piercings, mildly nsfw, I whineThe cool queers, chat! I found them, in our town!!! They aren't just in my phone, they exist at the tattoo & piercing place!! niko-wonderous

And it is a terrifying reality distress I could have died holy shit. Cool queer trans tattoo artists and piercers where my wife was getting nipple and tongue piercings, and I barely managed to speak a single fucking word.

Mostly I stood petrified by terrible anxiety while the bespectacled apprentice kept stealing looks at me. I am usually a pretty plain gay, dorky, it confuses me that very cool queers would perceive me. I kinda wish they wouldn't, almost...

I felt The Tism really powerfully today, I could really perceive every eye contact fail, it was harrowing weh. I felt so so fucking awkward, didn't even know where to stand smh. It became very clear very quickly that I would probably fumble any interaction with actually cool people and I should stay inside. Be comfy and talk to cool queers online only. I'm not just allergic to grass, it threatens my life.

Also apologies to anyone who thought I was cool, I am actually a total dweeb badeline-anxious

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[โ€“] Thallo@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (4 children)

People seem to like my new pfp, so here's the whole thing because it's even cuter~

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[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (5 children)

staring at my tits in my work shirt in the mirror realizing that god damn, i really do got to come out soon, these girls are getting too big to hide

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[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (5 children)

recently i've been feeling so weirdly confident in my presentation that i feel like getting misgendered is the other person's problem not mine. What, you can't tell a pretty girl when you see one? what are you? fucking dumb?

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[โ€“] ValenThyme@reddthat.com 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

Hello lovelies.

I'm a week away from my 3 month HRT anniversary now.

I have lost 50+lbs and now fit into a lot of the femme clothes i bought my wife that i secretly wanted. She's been teaching me how to dress and it's so wonderful being so soft and loving myself limitlessly.

Went back to being a vegetarian which makes me happy.

I grew my own boobs and am v chuffed about this. They show no signs of stopping!

I discovered that some colors of purple shirts make my eyes look magnificent. I almost went to my grave not knowing that!

I am getting pretty good at putting on the false eyelashes and my voice is slowly getting there.

I don't really like shaving but i'm learning to epilate and i like that a LOT my arms are soooo smooth now.

I love how differently i get treated now. I love seeing myself in the mirror.

I love being trans. I love being a woman so much. I love and treasure all of you little bears for helping me get here. <3

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[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (17 children)

Posting my huge autism Ls and people saying it's cute

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[โ€“] Thallo@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago

I'm on the gender carousel. Hi! Good to see you all again! kirby-wave

Since my facial hair has started falling out, I'm in hard girl mode again.

Tbh if I just keep bouncing between girl and NB, I'll be perfectly happy kel-bliss

[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Good morning trans mega! Today is a good day to be trans party-blob hexbear-trans

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[โ€“] TheDoctor@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Least favorite effect of estrogen: I canโ€™t clean up dog shit without almost puking. My wife could never clean up dog shit so itโ€™s always been my job and now Iโ€™m constantly at risk of making an ever bigger mess than what Iโ€™m cleaning up. What the fuck.

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[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago (10 children)

cw weird
spoiler very weird
stop clicking this.
spoiler alright your loss loser madeline-stare

I really REALLY like head attention. When she is carressing my dumbass head, I do not feel the need to speak or anything. One of the comfiest states of being, I'm pretty sure. Scritches are great, a lil bit of tousling is great, palm on the cheek and fingers through your hair, all feels so good. Very chill thing, I live for it.

:::

[โ€“] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This isnโ€™t weird at all, liar

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[โ€“] Luna@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (3 children)
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[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago (3 children)

One of my favourite emerging insults is to say that something or even someone was "made up by a guy". This works handily because many things in our world are in fact made up by guys. It's also becoming kind of a stim please help

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[โ€“] Luna@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago

Me and my sister decided to have a "girls night" last night, and it was really fun! We paired some of the clothed I had bought earlier, played some card games, she painted my nails, and I showed her some of my newer character designs. I feel a bit bad, because I kind of info-dumped here, but she said she was interested. I don't know whether or not it's true, but I'll take her at her word.

voice dysphoriaI saw one of my co-workers while we were out getting clothes, and I responded in a certain tone of voice that sounded really good to me. I tried holding on to it for as long as I could, but it slowly slipped back into it's normal sound ๐Ÿ˜ฎโ€๐Ÿ’จ. I was actually almost crying in the store, the combination of everything just hit me really hard.

[โ€“] egg1918@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Taylor Swift just dropped yet another "album", this time it's literally the same songs just rearranged.

And what do you know, she's dropped a couple spots on billboard this week. I'm so bored of her and her petty shit

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[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago

estrogen has been putting me into such a good mood that i'm genuinely starting to get a little concerned. Like, it's fine for trans girls to feel a little dysphoric sometimes, you can have a bad day, you can feel a little sad. But no, I'm honest to god feeling incredible all the time and literally nothing life has been throwing at me is turning that mood down! Wow!

[โ€“] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I was arguing with people who play vampire the masquerade. One guy was concerned his character punching someone would attract too much police attention, I laughed and said the cops would probably not notice an assault. Someone else chimed in that you had to suspend your disbelief and remember this is a heightened world of darkness - because, to him, of course the cops would investigate every split lip.

I was... mystified by this gulf of experience. I've been in fights, I've seen fights, I've tried to report assaults many years before I got on ACAB. Cops don't do jack shit, they might show up 15 minutes later and MAYBE take a statement. But these other two insisted that, no, the irl cops would get you to court and you would get recompense or justice if you were assaulted even off one punch and you running away. Which is just not even close to what I've experienced, not just in urban centres that have that as a reputation broadly but even in my small home town and small college town. The only thing the cops have ever seem to done is harass the homeless, be annoying or crack skulls about drug charges, wellness checks and escort for bankruptcy/getting evicted, and maybe homicide.

It was very illuminating - in nursing school we had to take a class on things like poverty and it's impact on health, we had to play a game where you were a single parent and had to make it through the month without debt. My classmates couldn't do it and thought it was unrealistic. I made it but made choices like skipping dental care and car repairs so my kid could afford lunches or a new backpack - all normal stuff I've had to do or my parents had to do.

There's this charmed class of people that think there are social safety nets or someone is out there to protect you. But it's all a glamour (unless you're wealthy I guess), if you EVER need it it's not there for you. The appearance is there so people don't riot I guess.

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[โ€“] Kiagz@hexbear.net 20 points 1 month ago (7 children)

transphobia, weaponization of detransitionersThe disproportionate amount of media attention detransitioners get is so frustrating, and I hate how often my parents insist on bringing it up such articles. I hate how my parents always try to defend and justify the gatekeeping healthcare system. They always have to play devil's advocate and try to "see things from their perspective". I've told them before that detransitioners are a small minority, yet they keep bringing it up.

I would love it if they could just shut the fuck up and never talk to me about anything that has to do with being trans or transitioning ever again. I'm so done with cis people, can't trust them for shit.

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[โ€“] Luna@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Sleep is important. That's why I always make sure to stay up late, scrolling through this website. I think I've encountered a paradox, where I'm tired but I have things I want to do. My brain then cannot process the fact that I need more sleep, or remember the fact that always have to wake up early in the morning. The paradox continues, I get more tired, I need more sleep, I can't process why I need that sleep, I keep reading, on, and on, and niko-yawn on, and... niko-sleep

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[โ€“] Thallo@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (3 children)

If someone ever tells me I'm "one of the good ones," I'll know I'm doing something wrong

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[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (11 children)

Thanks to SOMEBODY HERE I am now describing many things with "gay li'l" as a prefix. Please help.

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[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (37 children)

This is gonna sound very trite to anyone over 30, but from my first grey hair over a year ago, I now have several, enough to be visible in my bangs.

yes-honey-left

My current plan is to do nothing about it. Idk if there's a better one. I do feel like I'm slightly too young for this, in an "I'll be ready for greys in my 40s not now" way, but evidently that's not the case shrug-outta-hecks

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[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (7 children)

hehe i have tiddies now :))))))))))))))

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[โ€“] DeathToBritain@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago

glados shouting she's been turned into a potato was the original pickle rick

[โ€“] Tommasi@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (2 children)

sexOkay, so I broke my volcel pledge and got with this guy I know and I just feel kinda lost. I was very nervous and he was good at reassuring me and making me feel less anxious, but the sex was pretty bad for both of us, and I'm not sure if he's really that into me, and I didn't really get to try any of the things I wanted to. I also maybe overshared some things by the end, and ended up making things weird. I'm sure we'll stay friends, but I wanted this to be something really fun and satisfying, but instead it was mostly awkward and confusing for me
aubrey-sad

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[โ€“] MusicOwl@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (7 children)

surgeryGot my FFS bandages off! This shit is amazing yaโ€™ll. Even behind all the swelling and bruising, iโ€™m so happy. I cried so many tears of joy yesterday. Only gets better from here too.

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[โ€“] Thallo@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago

Coming back to Hexbear after a few hours and see I have multiple notifications

"Oh shit, did I say something funny or inflammatory?"

Styrofoam has to be the worst material ever invented by humankind. The little bits stick to everything and the noise it makes itโ€™s like nails on a chalkboard. Iโ€™m going to be covered in it for the rest of the day sadness

[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

hey that girl in the mirror is super pretty and i want to show everyone but i can't post a selfie because that is a nono on hexbear.net and i would turbo doxx my ass

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[โ€“] HelltakerHomosexual@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Transgender Stalinism drabbleIm sorry dad, Stalin is my father now

If god was real and loved us, they would reincarnate Stalin. Whenever someone makes a bad criticism of the USSR I get 1% more stalinist

When you get in that stalinist mood and jokingly play with naming yourself after feminized version of stalin's name. Transgender Stalinism.

Tranistion 5 year plan to build gender socialism

I am a proud trans woman and scientist of Marxism Leninism-Mao Zedong Thought ! Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin, and Mao can anyone have better leaders? Who has changed history more than the 5 heads of Marxism Leninism Mao Zedong Thought? Can anyone but us brag to have such great leaders? Father Stalin belongs to us and us alone! The Nationalists and revisionists will weep in fear and frustration as the inevitable return of the great banner of Lenin and Stalin return to wipe them from history! They slander us out of fear, because they know with Stalin by our side and Marxism Leninism as our worldview the working class will be unstoppable! Long live Lenin! Long Live Stalin! Long live Marxism Leninism! Long live Communism!

I am eepy out of my mind and idk why my brain decided tonight was SLAVA STALIN night but im chillin with it

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[โ€“] yewler@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My cute handwriting is becoming cuter and faster ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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[โ€“] Josephine_Spiro@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Estradiol has made me gain weight, which has gone to my ass, thighs and a bit of boobage which is cool. Main problem is my jeans are too small now

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[โ€“] ashinadash@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (14 children)

nsfw, hormone shitRealising that I would be much happier if genital atrophy was a real thing instead of a myth from imageboards

omori-neutral

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[โ€“] gaystyleJoker@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago

awful new type of girl. i do not agree with this woman for what it's worthwoman who is upset about everything going on in the middle east because the news mega is outperforming the trans mega

[โ€“] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (4 children)

It's weird watching the whole world rapidly fall apart in the news mega meanwhile everything is going so well for me personally. Oh wow, I got a new hair appointment scheduled to shape my eyebrows? That's great, also, the brewing regional war is finally about to pop off in the middle east

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[โ€“] Yor@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (7 children)

Surgery consultPhalloplasty

Good:

The surgeon was very confident about creating the phallus itself and my arm is indeed a good candidate - that's good. My arms are pretty thin, so I'm also hoping this will avoid the indent that comes from the transition from skin to scar after surgery. I really do not want an arm scar. It upsets me tbh, but there are such drawbacks to each technique that RFF (forearm) is my preferred method. Thigh would be too thick for me, shoulder gives no tactile sensation, abdominal is low to no erotic sensation. RFF gives the most in tactile and erotic sensation and can be a small(er) dick too. All results can look good, but I'm so consistently impressed with RFF results.

Worrying/bad:

In previous communication, he said both urethra lengthening (UL) and scrotoplasty were higher risk and there's not much of any published research or methods for this post vaginoplasty. Today he said neither would be possible, but I pushed back and reminded him that he said there's a chance, so he conceded there is a chance. I probably did a bad thing, but I let him know that I'm willing to take on the risk because not even trying is not worth continuing to live imo (I said it nicer than that). He wants to talk to my therapist to make sure I'm in a good place in case things do not work out (losing scotum, UL fail, etc).

  • Scrotoplasty uses the labia skin and he's concerned of bloodflow issues considering these are not natal labias. I've been reading today that there is another technique that can also use the clitoral hood as well if you're getting clitoral burial, which I want. I wonder if he's thought of that, since he didn't bring up burial or not.
  • UL is the rough one. I've seen many people post about months of being on catheters due to strictures, fistulas, and other complications. Messing with the urethra really seems to be just risky all around. Many transmasc people in particular told me if I don't have stand to pee dysphoria, I should forgo UL entirely due to the complication rate. The issue is I don't think I can fully feel connected to my dick if I can't pee out of it. Maybe I can find a path if I tried and failed for UL, but not trying at all isn't an option.

If I can't get scrotoplasty, I can't get an erectile device. Unlike my willingness to look for a path in a post-failed UL world, I will not look for a path without an erectile device. Nobody really likes to hear me say that, but it's my life and I'm the only one who has to live every day with what's on my body. I hope he finds some optimism after talking to his urologist, my therapist, and me again. He also wants me to talk to his urologist soon too.

Other surgeons?

There are other surgeons as well, but not as many my insurance covers currently and if I'm being honest I'm so worn down. I'd like it to be where this all happened in the first place. It makes sense symbolically. Speaking of symbolism, the very last item related to surgery/recovery that I didn't throw away was my dilators. They give you them when you leave the hospital. I hate those things so much and the dumpster outside my apartment didn't feel strong enough to get them away from me. So I held onto them until today and threw them away in a trash can in the hospital. Begone.

Now back to waiting

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