this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2024
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i somehow just got a date with a cute boy crush and i dont know how to do this well. it's in a week and i'm stressing so much because he's so sweet and i can't fumble this. I would never forgive myself. I need tips cri

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[–] imogen_underscore@hexbear.net 6 points 4 hours ago

not advising this but what i do is get blackout drunk and it normally goes pretty well

[–] someone@hexbear.net 6 points 6 hours ago

He's as nervous and hopeful as you are. But humour, respect, communication, honesty, and compassion will go a long way. When in doubt, just take a moment and breathe deep.

[–] fire86743@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

How did you guys meet each other? (DO NOT REVEAL PERSONAL INFORMATION)

I'm asking because I genuinely don't know how to even meet people to ask out.

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 1 points 13 minutes ago

we know each other through school, we're both band kids so yeah

[–] PopPrincess@hexbear.net 3 points 3 hours ago

Not OP, but I recently met a guy while clubbing with my friend. Well the guy is a friend of the friend I went with, but I had never expected that to happen. It won't work out for various reasons, but yeah as cliche as it sounds, going new places or meeting friends of friends are good options. I've also met many cool people while participating in various clubs and organizations at my university.

[–] miz@hexbear.net 6 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

you got this

[–] The_sleepy_woke_dialectic@hexbear.net 9 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

"He's so sweet" thats probably because he likes you, man. Think, "he wants to be here too" because he does. Don't worry about it just have a good time (easier said than done I know).

A lull in the conversation doesn't necessarily mean it's going badly, so don't get worried when it happens.

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 4 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

thank you! i'll keep that in mind

[–] The_sleepy_woke_dialectic@hexbear.net 2 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

Let us know if you're really the kitsuragi-drip of the relationship or if you find out you're a freaky little dubois-dance with this guy

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 4 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

i'm sure you didn't know, so i don't really blame you, but we are both minors.

[–] The_sleepy_woke_dialectic@hexbear.net 5 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I'm sorry if I said something that made you feel uncomfortable comrade. I didn't mean to rat-salute-2

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 1 points 14 minutes ago

it's ok, you didn't know

[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 12 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

trueanon rule: be normal

Death to America

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 6 points 8 hours ago

i'll never forget this rule, thank you

[–] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 5 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

So idk where you live but I used to live in a city with a free art museum that was also near a really cute dive bar and that combo used to be my go to first date idea and got me laid like 6 times.

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 3 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

wait that would be perfect! i already have a date planned but i can hunt for something for the second date

[–] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 3 points 7 hours ago

lol my last partner got mad when I told them I had taken other people on that same first date. Look sorry I have a go to first date to impress people!

[–] bureaucat@hexbear.net 27 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

catgirl-heart Show them respect and attention

catgirl-happy Don't change yourself to earn theirs

catgirl-peace Even if it doesn't work out you'll learn more about dating and relationships for the future

[–] NewAcctWhoDis@hexbear.net 12 points 13 hours ago

Easier said than done, but lower expectations and less pressure on yourself will help.

[–] CloutAtlas@hexbear.net 24 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Do not: Infodump about obscure leftist schisms in the 20th century which led to collapses which are roots of some of today's problems

Do: Infodump about obscure Hollywood actors that became president of the USA which is the root of most of today's problems

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 6 points 8 hours ago

but but but i wanted to talk about the sino-albanian split

[–] Angel@hexbear.net 31 points 17 hours ago (3 children)

I genuinely wish I could transfer the amount of rizz I have to other people.

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 4 points 8 hours ago

i don't know why, but when it comes to men my rizz is next-level. comparatively, of course. i would still say yes to the angel rizz transfer program

[–] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 13 points 15 hours ago

same fr, I sure ain't using it lol

[–] Josephine_Spiro@hexbear.net 22 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe if I start beanis posting I will get rizz...

[–] TankieTanuki@hexbear.net 21 points 16 hours ago

Beanisposting is a lifestyle commitment. It's not something you just pick up on a whim one evening.

[–] TankieTanuki@hexbear.net 18 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (1 children)

If you DM me I'll send you the Chapo book of pickup Lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason.

[–] BodyBySisyphus@hexbear.net 37 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

"Just be yourself" is corny advice, but it's also true. Even if you're weird there's no point in covering it up because if it works out you'll just have to keep doing it for the rest of the relationship, which doesn't sound fun. If you've got nerves, just remember your manners, try to listen more than you talk, and have some questions in mind for changing the subject if the conversation seems to veer off track or hit a lull. Asking follow-up questions is a good way to keep the conversation going and not something that people always remember to do, so it'll make you more memorable.

Best of luck! Hope it goes well stalin-heart

[–] MF_COOM@hexbear.net 11 points 14 hours ago

Even if you're weird there's no point in covering it up because if it works out you'll just have to keep doing it for the rest of the relationship, which doesn't sound fun.

this

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 26 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

thank you! this is my first real date and i'm so excited

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 7 hours ago

Yer gonna do amazing! He’s probably as nervous as you are uwu

[–] BodyBySisyphus@hexbear.net 12 points 16 hours ago

No prob! Have a good time!

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 14 points 15 hours ago

Happy for you! floppy-owl

[–] SoylentSnake@hexbear.net 23 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

by not thinking that way, tbh. love who you are and remember that you're assessing whether you like him as much as vice versa. you are a fucking stud deserving of love, just go in trying to have a cool ass fun time with a new person and let things progress as they are meant to. i'm sure he's got a lot of good qualities that make you want to impress him, but remebmer that you do too big-cool

[–] carpoftruth@hexbear.net 17 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Make sure you talk a lot about hexbear memes, tell him all about the emoji language. That's a sure sign of normality

[–] ReadFanon@hexbear.net 23 points 17 hours ago

Accuse other people in the room of being libs. Accuse yourself of being a lib. But especially accuse him of being a lib for agreeing to go on a date with a lib.

[–] FourteenEyes@hexbear.net 14 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

tell him tequila-sunset "I want to make fuck with you"

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 2 points 7 hours ago

i'm sure you didn't know, so i don't really blame you, but we are both minors.

[–] ReadFanon@hexbear.net 14 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago) (1 children)

I'd lean into being honest. Don't get so caught up in your own head that you start using the date like free therapy but, like, I've found that disarming honesty is a good way to connect with others and to help ease the tension and stuff.

It requires at least some self-restraint, at least for me because I'm a chronic overthinker (I'm not sure if that's something people here would have noticed yet /s)

Self-pity is not really endearing so try not to veer into that but if I were in your shoes and he asked me "How are you?" I'd probably chuckle and say "I'm incredibly nervous" but in a playful way - not in a boohoo-poor-me 😭😭 way but just naming the elephant in the room and being playful about it.

It might be that I come from a culture that values banter but the ability to joke about things and to be very incisive with your honesty here is valued quite highly.

Chances are that he's gonna be feeling nervous himself and if you say that you're feeling nervous then it's going to give him the chance to breathe out and be like "Yuuup, me too haha"

I think in some ways it signals that you are a good communicator and you're able to talk about the difficult topics and you're capable of dealing with tricky emotions with a degree of tact etc. I guess for some people they look for suaveness and someone who is effortlessly confident. I don't have those things so I play to my own strengths but also I try to attract in the people who vibe with the kind of person I am.

You might have the urge to use a lot of praise but I'd say be reserved in how much you give. Not in a treat-em-mean-keep-em-keen way but just in the sense that being too effusive with praise can feel like flattery and it can, ironically, create a distance with the other person because it might seem a bit desperate or over the top. Praise should feel earned by the other person and it should feel like it's coming from someone who genuinely knows them or otherwise it can feel uncomfortably like worship. With that in mind, qualifying statements are your friend when giving compliments at this stage: "You seem like such a sweet person" is good whereas just straight up saying "You are such a sweet person" might feel on the receiving end as being a little like "But hang on, you barely even know me..."

I often tend to compliment behaviours over the person until I feel there's enough connection and I know enough of the person to praise who they are directly, so that would look like saying "Oh my God, that's so sweet!" instead of saying you are.

But I come from a low-praise culture where people take a long time to warm up to others so that might not be applicable to your situation.

Try to be an accurate representation of yourself but put your best foot forward and try to keep the less flattering things about yourself a bit tucked away until there's enough mutual connection that you can let him in to witness some of your deeper flaws and anxieties.

Don't force things. He might not be attracted to you that way or he might not vibe with you and that's okay. Don't try and change yourself into someone you are not just to get other people's approval or affection, that inevitably leads to disaster. You should do this with the hope that he will like you for who you are.

You got this. Congrats!

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 3 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

thanks so much! i left out a bit of context for obsec reasons but we have been friends for a while, and there was a bit of "pre- 'making it offical' semi-cuddling," if that makes sense. the advice is great, nonetheless and i appreciate it!

[–] ReadFanon@hexbear.net 5 points 7 hours ago

We love a comrade who is OpSec-aware!

[–] Aradina@lemmy.ml 15 points 17 hours ago

Human sacrifice

[–] lemmyseizethemeans@lemmygrad.ml 12 points 17 hours ago

Listen more than talk

[–] Riffraffintheroom@hexbear.net 9 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

Find out what they seem most passionate about and get them talking about that. Ask questions and try to illicit some sort of deeply held or very sincere statement or beliefs, at which point shout “AND TO THAT I SAY:” and make a huge loud fart.

[–] afters@hexbear.net 6 points 16 hours ago

Tbh you should stop thinking about what you can do to appeal to this person and instead entertain thoughts of what can they do to appeal to you, just focus on the sensation of the experience itself, how certain things make you feel, its an opportunity to learn about yourself more than anything

[–] vovchik_ilich@hexbear.net 5 points 16 hours ago

You've already got a date, so you're clearly doing great!! Just keep doing what you were doing and it will be smooth and good. Good luck and enjoy it!!