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Blue whale.
You never said I had to win.
They also never said in which environment:
Stranded blue whale.
In the ocean. I punch it once, it swims away. "Yeah bitch, you better run!"
Doesn’t “think you can take on” imply winning though? If not at least surviving with most limbs attached.
Sit in its blowhole until it suffocates?
Obviously I am not advocating for these beautiful majestic giant beasts to be killed but if it was a life or death thing... I'd be getting in that blowhole like a big old human tampon.
They can hold their breath for 30-90 minutes and can dive to 1000 feet. Good luck.
Their error was sitting in the blowhole. The trick is you have to go in head first so you can steal the oxygen from the whales lungs.
I'm so fucked. But I'll wedge myself in deep, if I'm going down I'm taking it with me!
(reality would be it'd surface and blow me out like a floppy ragdoll)
Later the whale is telling his buddy about the worst booger he had to get rid of.
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T-Rex. I mean, all I gotta do is remove one pin and the whole skeleton collapses.
Your mom!
Ah ya bastard
Most beasts under 80 lbs. Over 80 lbs, it's gonna be on a case by case basis. 90 lb sloth, no problem. 81 lb wolf, ...problem.
The biggest animal I feel confident in is an 800 lb human. Huge, but that fucker's gonna be exhausted ten seconds into the fight.
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A blue whale. (they won't fight back b/c they don't consider me a threat, and so when they wander away I win by technicality)
If I had bear hands then probably a small bear.
A giant squid. It would have to be on land though (you never said we had to do it in their natural habitat).
Definitely something smaller than a grasshopper.. Lost that fight a few days ago.
1 Lemmy
I could totally take a 6-year-old human.
fuck off those things are animals
Galapagos tortoise. That's the largest I can think of without teeth and claws, not fast, and not in water.
Sunfish.
They are enormous wastes of flesh and evolutionary effort.
Probably a fainting goat.
A blue whale, as long as we're on land.
A gnat
My 3.4lb rabbit recently decided I am not a threat and started chilling in the middle of my walkway at night. She now takes multiple shoves to make move. So, not a bunny
(This took years of work on trust I am mostly bragging my bunny loves me)
Definitely not a cat. I have cats and he wanted to go ballistic on me when I tried to get him off the window ledge when there was another cat outside. I had to push him off with a broom or risk losing an eye even though his nails are trimmed. He's lovely otherwise, I swear.
I can't believe how strong my 8 lb cat is. It took both me and my wife to hold her when the vet was examining her. It doesn't help that cats are slippery and have noodle bones.
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I could probably handle a vole okay. Or maybe a tufted titmouse. On a good day.
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None, I would think how bad I felt if I hurt the cute furry friend, then tried to pet them instead and get mauled.
Probably a medium sized dog, if I’m being realistic. I can’t fight a fucking bear or box a kangaroo or wrestle an alligator
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this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2023
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