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Imagine being afraid of the ‘friend zone’
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this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse
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This feels contrarian for the sake of it. Being in a limbo with someone you have feelings for is understandably uncomfortable for anyone. I honestly think dunking on someone for this just kind of shows emotional immaturity
I view it more as dunking on the particular type of dweeb that starts an obnoxious screed about how women only want to date assholes and that they don't ever look at the nice guys in their lives and wonder why their lives suck.
definitely think if you care and talk about the 'friendzone' as a concept it raises red flags about how one approaches romance, but there's nothing inherently wrong with someone feeling unhappy that their romantic feelings were unreciprocated. like with most things when it comes to this subject i think the issue is thinking critically about why you feel a certain way - for a lot of people the sting of rejection comes from feeling entitled to romance which is clearly problematic.
I do have a friend who does only date assholes, it's very sad and she says so. They have done things like break her arm, break into her house after they'd broken up and steal all of her knives etc. It's actually a repeated pattern in her relationships that strikes me as pathological.
That said, the incel/"nice guy" vibe is defining asshole as "someone who is more confident than me".
Yeah that's the thing, you don't have to give into the incel mindset to notice this kind pattern.
Yeah, although I do think that the "asshole" and the "nice guy" are two sides of the same coin (both toxic but in different ways; one more overt and the other covert). Actual confident/good guys often get mistaken as "assholes" simply cuz they have the confidence, like you said.
A few weeks ago I met a system and was thinking about the possibility of a relationship with them, but they said they were taken so I was friendzoned. A few days ago they said they were willing to try polyamory again and want to date me and join my swarm, but one of their members has some creepy incel behaviours and I want to deprogram the alt right shit in his head before I get too close to him, so I friendzoned them.
Being friendzoned didn't suck and friendzoning them didn't suck. We're simply not in a place where a relationship would be healthy right now, even though we've quickly become close friends. It doesn't suck because I know how to communicate and set clear boundaries from both sides.
I think this "wah I'm in the friendzone" shit comes from straight men who never learned how to be honest with their feelings and others. Honestly, that kind of behaviour is why I'm not dating my friend. If these men spent more time learning about feelings, maybe they wouldn't be friendzoned in the first place.
EDIT: oh and obviously being monoamorous is a big source of angst for straight people, but that's their own fault too.
This is entirely illegible to me, lmao.
Well, it was only the very beginnings of a crush. I got to the answer quickly because I'm efficient.